Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

my BFF is a psychiatrist. harvey diag'd me as OCD & explosive personality disorder bc i go off on ppl

his parents were fucked up. theyre j. really fucked up, all 4 kids hated them. i took care of his mother bc dad die. i was sick in NY gettn treatment. none of them would take care of mommy. she didnt like me 40yrs ago bc i was italian/catholic. she adored me back in 16 didnt remember how she didnt like me back then. kides said she was critical n mean. one kid woukdnt lket her see her grandkids. i got the emails. disheartening. allison was as prick to her mother. brian refused to help them. gart CHARGED his father to take him to dr appts.

i could never do this to mny parents.

they also STOLE from them. long story but the judge ripped into them leaving the parents destitute. **conservatorship
bc of the theft.

explosive personality disorder sounds hot.. I would deff be attracted to that..

I just read your story. Pretty heartbreaking .Sorry that happened to you.

Also you guys have amazing skin in that pic .(Filters or real? Because wow!)

Also you're quite amazing. May I ask religion and/or Zodiac for you?

And for him??

Asking not to be nosy but some ppl believe in past lives. Have you read Past Lives, Many I forgot the title. (Many lovers?)

Anyway read: You Were Born Again to be Together.

It's an interesting concept that I don't buy, knowing the subconscious agrees with any belief system one holds. But when you said "Karma" I think you hit the nail on the head there.

Perhaps you need to learn your lesson? That lesson, IMHO would be to put yourself first and realize you don't put others, who don't give a crap about you, first. That's emotional suicide.

Be well!

lol, the narc trap..
Ive perused the latest DSM-V 5 and come to the conclusion that everyone is sick on one level or another..
I have diagnosed my self as ODD (oppositional Defiance Disorder) and SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder). maybe I need to add NARC to my list and wear it as a badge..
Hi, Im.. Im ODD, SAD and a Narc... Nice to meet you...

i wrote this on newsbreak. im the orig author no copyright infringement. i post without compensation or promotion.



where does the love go when the relationship is over?

The story herein is non-fiction; true events that occurred in my life.

Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

Is love just a temporary, quintessential emotion? The best of relationships create tons of passionate electricity, a bonding connection, with laughter and some tears. Then when it's over, often nothing remains but memories. Is love generated from oneself?. Do "we" create a state of mind and feeling from the interactions we have with another person?. Does love abide independent of our own feelings, bodies, chemical reactions, and the situation that creates it?.

The loss of a love, it's one of the most profound types of pain we can feel. One grieves in the same manner as a physical death but it may manifest in other directions. Rejection is an acrimonious bitter pill. There is an anguishing distress in your heart every single time you think about them, or hear a song on the radio, or come across something of a reminder of them. You experienced pinnacles of happiness when you are with them, and now when they leave, you experience a nadir of torment in sadness.

Some couples have demonstrated decades of longevity, i.e. golden anniversaries, and their love remains unyielding. Some have the life-long commitment, but are trapped in a loveless relationship.

Many relationships that I have observed start off as that some kind of wonderful, however once the "honeymoon period" has worn off, the relationship wans and they break up. They tend to move on, and begin new relationships. Some I've seen equate to that of an assembly line, going from one relationship to another.

Was it really love they were experiencing? The definition of love is in essence 'an intense feeling of deep affection or admiration'. It is unconditional, non-judgmental, and selfless.

How can one feel so deeply for another, and then not?

My story began 42 years ago. A man I fell in love with while I was still in high school, was the brother of a good friend. We were together a few years. 1980-83. My parents loved him, and he treated me well. He had bought me a promise ring, with the intent we would marry once he graduated from truck driving school, and me from dental school. One day, I had called him and he wasn't home. I called for a week, and the response was the same. I finally drove to his house, and received the news from his kid brother. The love of my life went to Florida, and nobody knew how to reach him. Needless to say, I was devastated. I had no clue he was going to leave me. The last night we were together was a normal evening for us both. For 36 years I carried this loss with me. My life post 1983 was a void. I lived, I existed but I emotionally was rendered an empty shell.

Meanwhile, I had married twice to men I didn't love, and had 2 children. I have an antiquated belief system, where you only get one great love in a lifetime. There is no past tense in love. I could "love", but not be IN LOVE with someone. That was predominantly the reason why these marriages didn't work. These men knew how I felt pre-marriage.

36 years later he and I met again. His sister needed legal & other assistance with her parents estate at a time when I was visiting my former hometown. He claimed he didn't "remember" why he left me years ago. My heart forgave him and we renewed our relationship. It was the fairy-tale come true. I was finally getting my happy ending. He promised me he would never hurt me again. He promised he would never leave me again. He said the reason he was still single and had never married, was because he was waiting for me all his life. I was 'the one' he said. The way he would look at me, was as if he was looking at me for the very first time. I saw the 'love' in his facial expressions. His eyes reflected the love. *I've since questioned myself; did I see what I wanted to see?

On my birthday he gave me a card which was the most beautiful card I ever read.

The love I feel for him consumed every fiber of my being. I need him to breathe. My life is defined by him. He returned the sentiment, or so I believed. I deduce, when you're IN LOVE, you can "feel" it. Or is that a blind attribute? Disillusionment?

My definition of REAL love is being ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Two months after he gave me that card for my birthday, we were married. It was just us in a small ceremony. It was romantic. I was ecstatic. I was going to grow old with the love of my life. The "perfect" storybook romance. It didn't matter to me that he didn't have "money" (saved). I would have lived in a cardboard box with him. I was proud of him. He had many faults, however I loved him regardless. As long as we had each other, that was the greater rich for me. Love trumps money in my opinion.

By July, a mere 3 months after we were married, it was over as he threw me away. He broke every promise he made to me - again. He was flippant & acted as if we weren't real. What happened? How do you go from professing eternal love and commitment to a "bye, see ya" disposition? I was left with a 3 month marriage & unrequited love. I begged him to provide me with an explanation, however he couldn't break from the constraints of his egocentric mentality.

Has love become disposable?

I was wrecked. He broke me a second time. I'm damaged goods. He emotionally paralyzed me. I should hate him but I an unable. I am a pragmatist, and I cannot come up with an explanation as to why he left me again. He had once questioned my integrity, as to why I married twice and where I admittedly didn't love these men. Here he did the same with me. Was this my karma?

The last 4 years I have beaten myself up, trying to figure out how one could love another one minute, then not love the next. From June of 2016 to July of 2018 I showed him everyday how much I loved him. I did everything to please him.

I ask myself everyday, 'what did I do in my life, that was so horrible, to deserve this?'. I'm a good person, generous/giving, smart, highly intelligent; for age 58 I'm considered good looking, with a head for business & as "bod" for sin. I'm highly respected and have a stellar reputation.

If he called me tomorrow and apologized, in all probability the odds in me taking him back are 100%. I'd rather have 15 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.

The last 4 years I rose like the phoenix from the ashes, and rebuilt my life. I'm financially stable and spend my time helping people through activism & advocacy. I keep myself busy.

I love him to this day. I remain IN LOVE with him. I cannot date anyone either. I'll never marry again.

My heart will forever be restless, until I know, where does the love go?

In 1993, the band Haddaway asked the world, “What is Love?” I’m not sure if he ever got his answer.

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

I just read your story. Pretty heartbreaking .Sorry that happened to you.

Also you guys have amazing skin in that pic .(Filters or real? Because wow!)

Also you're quite amazing. May I ask religion and/or Zodiac for you?

And for him??

Asking not to be nosy but some ppl believe in past lives. Have you read Past Lives, Many I forgot the title. (Many lovers?)

Anyway read: You Were Born Again to be Together.

It's an interesting concept that I don't buy, knowing the subconscious agrees with any belief system one holds. But when you said "Karma" I think you hit the nail on the head there.

Perhaps you need to learn your lesson? That lesson, IMHO would be to put yourself first and realize you don't put others, who don't give a crap about you, first. That's emotional suicide.

Be well!

When the chickens come home to roost...

Bent over backwards trying to help the narc parent in my life. I was the "surrogate father", emotional incest and all those buzzwords from a very young age. Eventually I was forced to open my eyes and look at her as a person, not as a parent who I loved.

It's the flips that do it. My friends who met her thought she was great, would pop around randomly just to say hello to her and have a coffee
And one by one... they'd come around to have a chat with me after being discarded for some misdemeanour in her eyes...give a nod and say they now got what I said back then...and there'd be no more visits

My definition of REAL love is being ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

we post anything u know this. and it does meet the criteria. what theyve done to society. theyve broken society. ppl have become disposable

All about the balance.
Plenty of times to be giving
...and plenty of times where "fucker, last warning" is needed.

This person that wrote this has no idea what love is. Love is not an emotion. Love is knowing God and His ways. I know what scripture teaches about Love and the attributes of that Love. Its no where close to what she thinks it is. First mistake.... Her second mistake was to take back this loser who 'couldnt remember' why he left her? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. She is paralyzed by foolishness and a lack of relationship with God Most High. I could expound but I wont. Preaching is what I do everyday for those who have ears in my field of influence. 1 Corinthians 1:21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Salvation is what happens when you come to 'know' what Truth and REAL Love is. Its a relationship with God Himself. 1 John 4:8 "God is Love"

That's called infatuation. It wears out. It must, because humans aren't capable of sustaining an intense emotional high indefinitely.

REAL love is something that develops over time. It starts to build the first time you get really sick of his or her ways, but somehow decide to stick to it anyway. It keeps building every time you make up after a fight. It picks up momentum when you start to dodge fights in the first place.

In the end, to "love" is to accept someone unconditionally.

Ans that is a hard thing to do, because people are fucking annoying! We all are. You are. And the person you are infatuated with certainly is annoying as all fuck too!

When the infatuation wears off, you're hit by a double whammy: First, you lose your chemical high from infatuation endorphins (and get hit by withdrawal!). And second, you suddenly get hit with the full realization of how fucking annoying he or she really is!

Some people break up at this point, thinking this person was the wrong choice, and the next infatuation with someone else will prove to be "the One".

That's a losing game, because the next person is guaranteed to be just as annoying, and your infatuation will wear off the next time too.

But if both of you decide to forgive each other for being the annoying self-serving assholes we all are, then the work of building a relationship based on REAL love can begin. And have no doubt about it, it IS hard work!

I've been "happily married" for 30+ years. My wife is without a doubt the most annoying person I know! I delight every time she leaves the house so I can have some peace and quiet, because I swear she can't think a thought without it having to come out her mouth...

But she is also the most wonderful person I know, and if I hadn't decided to accept her fully and unconditionally, I would never have known who she truly is.

That's the price you win by putting in the work. You get as close to someone as a human being is capable of. And by constantly denying your desire to say or even think "screw it, I'm not going to take his/her bullshit anymore!", you achieve a little spiritual growth too. Your ego diminishes a wee bit, and you become a slightly better person.

It's actually worth it.

In the end, my only regret with my marriage, is that I didn't love her more right from the beginning! The old me remembers how the young me was incapable of loving her the way I do now, and it's a shame really. The wonderful young woman she was deserved to be loved more, but it took me a couple of decades to learn how to do it.

Love is an energy in the universe that never goes away .

I have known love and have lost it, many times.

The first wife was because I was expected to get married after college and starting a career. She left me for some airforce guy and is now some lonely cat lady.

The second wife was because I thought she was good breeding material and produced two awesome kids.That was a bad divorce.

Neither one of those were true love, just expectations from family to do my part. I'm just being honest, don't hate on me.

My third wife is awesome ! We met on a conspiracy site and fell in love with each other before we knew what each other looked like.

We are two peas in a pod and love each other immensely.

She is plant goddess on here.

Never been happier !

I fell madly in love with a girl in 1976 and we never even kissed. It only lasted a couple days BUT I think about her every day and was obsessed. After 46 yrs of introspection and study, I come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as love. There is an intense liking due to common values and interests plus looks BUT love as we think of it, is bs.

Your CHILDHOOD and the amount of NURTURING and ATTENTION you received will determine "IF YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE" ( I call it falling in Addiction) or you cannot LOVE at all.

Too much attention / spoiling the baby produces a selfish narcissist who ONLY BONDS TO SOMEBODY BECAUSE THEY WANT SOMEBODY TO WORSHIP THEM ( Sociopath ) not because they have any affection towards them.

Too little attention during infancy produces a baby that is insecure and will bond to an adult THAT HAS SOME ASPECT OF THE NEGLIGENT PARENT ( physical feature, personality characteristic, etc); its like the baby is trying to convince the surrogate Mommy that I am worthy only its another person.

Listen to this interview about the biochemical process of love, very good.

thats the polar opposite of how i feel. mine is unconditional. acceptance. pure. genuine

very interesting thread.
ill never understand why people marry someone or even make kids with them without being in love with them.

but i will also never understand why people first date/love someone they later hate.

or even worse. people in abusive relationships. mentally or physically. thats like the complete opposite of what a relationship should be...

im probably just way too stubborn for any of these issues.

Your reading comprehension is atrocious. I was literally saying that love is unconditional acceptance.

i wrote this on newsbreak. im the orig author no copyright infringement. i post without compensation or promotion.


where does the love go when the relationship is over?

The story herein is non-fiction; true events that occurred in my life.

Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

Is love just a temporary, quintessential emotion? The best of relationships create tons of passionate electricity, a bonding connection, with laughter and some tears. Then when it's over, often nothing remains but memories. Is love generated from oneself?. Do "we" create a state of mind and feeling from the interactions we have with another person?. Does love abide independent of our own feelings, bodies, chemical reactions, and the situation that creates it?.

The loss of a love, it's one of the most profound types of pain we can feel. One grieves in the same manner as a physical death but it may manifest in other directions. Rejection is an acrimonious bitter pill. There is an anguishing distress in your heart every single time you think about them, or hear a song on the radio, or come across something of a reminder of them. You experienced pinnacles of happiness when you are with them, and now when they leave, you experience a nadir of torment in sadness.

Some couples have demonstrated decades of longevity, i.e. golden anniversaries, and their love remains unyielding. Some have the life-long commitment, but are trapped in a loveless relationship.

Many relationships that I have observed start off as that some kind of wonderful, however once the "honeymoon period" has worn off, the relationship wans and they break up. They tend to move on, and begin new relationships. Some I've seen equate to that of an assembly line, going from one relationship to another.

Was it really love they were experiencing? The definition of love is in essence 'an intense feeling of deep affection or admiration'. It is unconditional, non-judgmental, and selfless.

How can one feel so deeply for another, and then not?

My story began 42 years ago. A man I fell in love with while I was still in high school, was the brother of a good friend. We were together a few years. 1980-83. My parents loved him, and he treated me well. He had bought me a promise ring, with the intent we would marry once he graduated from truck driving school, and me from dental school. One day, I had called him and he wasn't home. I called for a week, and the response was the same. I finally drove to his house, and received the news from his kid brother. The love of my life went to Florida, and nobody knew how to reach him. Needless to say, I was devastated. I had no clue he was going to leave me. The last night we were together was a normal evening for us both. For 36 years I carried this loss with me. My life post 1983 was a void. I lived, I existed but I emotionally was rendered an empty shell.

Meanwhile, I had married twice to men I didn't love, and had 2 children. I have an antiquated belief system, where you only get one great love in a lifetime. There is no past tense in love. I could "love", but not be IN LOVE with someone. That was predominantly the reason why these marriages didn't work. These men knew how I felt pre-marriage.

36 years later he and I met again. His sister needed legal & other assistance with her parents estate at a time when I was visiting my former hometown. He claimed he didn't "remember" why he left me years ago. My heart forgave him and we renewed our relationship. It was the fairy-tale come true. I was finally getting my happy ending. He promised me he would never hurt me again. He promised he would never leave me again. He said the reason he was still single and had never married, was because he was waiting for me all his life. I was 'the one' he said. The way he would look at me, was as if he was looking at me for the very first time. I saw the 'love' in his facial expressions. His eyes reflected the love. *I've since questioned myself; did I see what I wanted to see?

On my birthday he gave me a card which was the most beautiful card I ever read.



The love I feel for him consumed every fiber of my being. I need him to breathe. My life is defined by him. He returned the sentiment, or so I believed. I deduce, when you're IN LOVE, you can "feel" it. Or is that a blind attribute? Disillusionment?

My definition of REAL love is being ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Two months after he gave me that card for my birthday, we were married. It was just us in a small ceremony. It was romantic. I was ecstatic. I was going to grow old with the love of my life. The "perfect" storybook romance. It didn't matter to me that he didn't have "money" (saved). I would have lived in a cardboard box with him. I was proud of him. He had many faults, however I loved him regardless. As long as we had each other, that was the greater rich for me. Love trumps money in my opinion.

By July, a mere 3 months after we were married, it was over as he threw me away. He broke every promise he made to me - again. He was flippant & acted as if we weren't real. What happened? How do you go from professing eternal love and commitment to a "bye, see ya" disposition? I was left with a 3 month marriage & unrequited love. I begged him to provide me with an explanation, however he couldn't break from the constraints of his egocentric mentality.

Has love become disposable?

I was wrecked. He broke me a second time. I'm damaged goods. He emotionally paralyzed me. I should hate him but I an unable. I am a pragmatist, and I cannot come up with an explanation as to why he left me again. He had once questioned my integrity, as to why I married twice and where I admittedly didn't love these men. Here he did the same with me. Was this my karma?

The last 4 years I have beaten myself up, trying to figure out how one could love another one minute, then not love the next. From June of 2016 to July of 2018 I showed him everyday how much I loved him. I did everything to please him.

I ask myself everyday, 'what did I do in my life, that was so horrible, to deserve this?'. I'm a good person, generous/giving, smart, highly intelligent; for age 58 I'm considered good looking, with a head for business & as "bod" for sin. I'm highly respected and have a stellar reputation.

If he called me tomorrow and apologized, in all probability the odds in me taking him back are 100%. I'd rather have 15 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.

The last 4 years I rose like the phoenix from the ashes, and rebuilt my life. I'm financially stable and spend my time helping people through activism & advocacy. I keep myself busy.

I love him to this day. I remain IN LOVE with him. I cannot date anyone either. I'll never marry again.

My heart will forever be restless, until I know, where does the love go?

In 1993, the band Haddaway asked the world, “What is Love?” I’m not sure if he ever got his answer.

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]