Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

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where does the love go when the relationship is over?

The story herein is non-fiction; true events that occurred in my life.

Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

Is love just a temporary, quintessential emotion? The best of relationships create tons of passionate electricity, a bonding connection, with laughter and some tears. Then when it's over, often nothing remains but memories. Is love generated from oneself?. Do "we" create a state of mind and feeling from the interactions we have with another person?. Does love abide independent of our own feelings, bodies, chemical reactions, and the situation that creates it?.

The loss of a love, it's one of the most profound types of pain we can feel. One grieves in the same manner as a physical death but it may manifest in other directions. Rejection is an acrimonious bitter pill. There is an anguishing distress in your heart every single time you think about them, or hear a song on the radio, or come across something of a reminder of them. You experienced pinnacles of happiness when you are with them, and now when they leave, you experience a nadir of torment in sadness.

Some couples have demonstrated decades of longevity, i.e. golden anniversaries, and their love remains unyielding. Some have the life-long commitment, but are trapped in a loveless relationship.

Many relationships that I have observed start off as that some kind of wonderful, however once the "honeymoon period" has worn off, the relationship wans and they break up. They tend to move on, and begin new relationships. Some I've seen equate to that of an assembly line, going from one relationship to another.

Was it really love they were experiencing? The definition of love is in essence 'an intense feeling of deep affection or admiration'. It is unconditional, non-judgmental, and selfless.

How can one feel so deeply for another, and then not?

My story began 42 years ago. A man I fell in love with while I was still in high school, was the brother of a good friend. We were together a few years. 1980-83. My parents loved him, and he treated me well. He had bought me a promise ring, with the intent we would marry once he graduated from truck driving school, and me from dental school. One day, I had called him and he wasn't home. I called for a week, and the response was the same. I finally drove to his house, and received the news from his kid brother. The love of my life went to Florida, and nobody knew how to reach him. Needless to say, I was devastated. I had no clue he was going to leave me. The last night we were together was a normal evening for us both. For 36 years I carried this loss with me. My life post 1983 was a void. I lived, I existed but I emotionally was rendered an empty shell.

Meanwhile, I had married twice to men I didn't love, and had 2 children. I have an antiquated belief system, where you only get one great love in a lifetime. There is no past tense in love. I could "love", but not be IN LOVE with someone. That was predominantly the reason why these marriages didn't work. These men knew how I felt pre-marriage.

36 years later he and I met again. His sister needed legal & other assistance with her parents estate at a time when I was visiting my former hometown. He claimed he didn't "remember" why he left me years ago. My heart forgave him and we renewed our relationship. It was the fairy-tale come true. I was finally getting my happy ending. He promised me he would never hurt me again. He promised he would never leave me again. He said the reason he was still single and had never married, was because he was waiting for me all his life. I was 'the one' he said. The way he would look at me, was as if he was looking at me for the very first time. I saw the 'love' in his facial expressions. His eyes reflected the love. *I've since questioned myself; did I see what I wanted to see?

On my birthday he gave me a card which was the most beautiful card I ever read.


The love I feel for him consumed every fiber of my being. I need him to breathe. My life is defined by him. He returned the sentiment, or so I believed. I deduce, when you're IN LOVE, you can "feel" it. Or is that a blind attribute? Disillusionment?

My definition of REAL love is being ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Two months after he gave me that card for my birthday, we were married. It was just us in a small ceremony. It was romantic. I was ecstatic. I was going to grow old with the love of my life. The "perfect" storybook romance. It didn't matter to me that he didn't have "money" (saved). I would have lived in a cardboard box with him. I was proud of him. He had many faults, however I loved him regardless. As long as we had each other, that was the greater rich for me. Love trumps money in my opinion.

By July, a mere 3 months after we were married, it was over as he threw me away. He broke every promise he made to me - again. He was flippant & acted as if we weren't real. What happened? How do you go from professing eternal love and commitment to a "bye, see ya" disposition? I was left with a 3 month marriage & unrequited love. I begged him to provide me with an explanation, however he couldn't break from the constraints of his egocentric mentality.

Has love become disposable?

I was wrecked. He broke me a second time. I'm damaged goods. He emotionally paralyzed me. I should hate him but I an unable. I am a pragmatist, and I cannot come up with an explanation as to why he left me again. He had once questioned my integrity, as to why I married twice and where I admittedly didn't love these men. Here he did the same with me. Was this my karma?

The last 4 years I have beaten myself up, trying to figure out how one could love another one minute, then not love the next. From June of 2016 to July of 2018 I showed him everyday how much I loved him. I did everything to please him.

I ask myself everyday, 'what did I do in my life, that was so horrible, to deserve this?'. I'm a good person, generous/giving, smart, highly intelligent; for age 58 I'm considered good looking, with a head for business & as "bod" for sin. I'm highly respected and have a stellar reputation.

If he called me tomorrow and apologized, in all probability the odds in me taking him back are 100%. I'd rather have 15 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.

The last 4 years I rose like the phoenix from the ashes, and rebuilt my life. I'm financially stable and spend my time helping people through activism & advocacy. I keep myself busy.

I love him to this day. I remain IN LOVE with him. I cannot date anyone either. I'll never marry again.

My heart will forever be restless, until I know, where does the love go?

In 1993, the band Haddaway asked the world, “What is Love?” I’m not sure if he ever got his answer.

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Last Edited by Phennommennonn on 09/12/2022 06:17 AM