Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

Phenn... if you can't.. you will live in that hell of your allowance.. to use that shitty word for hell here.

YOU GROW and LEARN PHENN... you can keep the shit or let it go. I let so much in my own life go... Including my own failed marriage that did truly go bad and I had to walk from 17 years and save my 2 children. WALK PHENN.. it does a heart good and heals it.

Last Edited by Mother Maggie on 09/12/2022 08:42 AM

Start loving yourself, anyone that you call fam, and tell everyone else to fuck the hell off. Nobody's got time to put their feels in someone else's love blender.

What's the point of giving advice?

from what I have read, the love goes to New Jersy

Learn to be like a library and maybe someday someone will.

Show me a woman who's been married 50 years, and I'll show you a woman who's like a library.

post of the day award from Maggie

I think men and women are wired differently and interestingly enough you can see it in this thread even between the interaction between Phenomeen and Trinity, fascinating.

But a band called Shelter once used these sentences in a song called "Here we go again":

"Just he uses love for sex
And sure she uses sex for love"

Love is different if you ask a man from when you ask a woman. Imo it is just chemical and nothing else.
Remember it is all there to trick you into creating babies, and if you don't well then u have done something differently than most people on Earth lol.
Also I believe love fades, in the end its more of responsibilities and that most are adjusted to stay.

I think marriage is outdated and should not be allowed anymore. With the computer age we all became more independent. And I have seen even old marriages be more something about knowing eachother and not breaking up because that't not something you should do.
Older generations should have probably divorced too, but remember that religion and christianity prevented them from doing that.
Its all control, relationships are control, religion is control and every interation between man and woman is some sort of leverage between one and another.
No wonder i will always be single lmao. :D

Love is also outdated imo cause now everyone is looking for the grass on the other side.
Divorce rate in Sweden I believe is 80-90% amongst people around 40-55
Everyone has an ex, or is an ex themselves

This is the real answer:
Love is dead

Phenn,

His behavior sounds like meth. Meth allows people to turn off their empathy and perceive the other person as being as fake as their own chemically enhanced self confidence.

The love we experience in the presence of another person is really coming from inside of us. It is our projection. That is the big trick.

The ideal that we are blinded by isn't just a mental ideal. We see bits and glimmers of the divine in them. It is our duty to nurture the good in men so that it will increase.

One thing I’ve learned in my life is love between 2 people is rarely equal and even though they both will profess it to each other, most of the times one truly loves the other deeply and the others love is just a return of words while they’re happy. Relationships where both people are truly, equally and deeply in love is rare, and nowadays, mostly a fairy tale. The sad thing is the one that is truly in love hears the other one politely return the words and because their love is so deep they assume when they hear, “ I love you too” that it’s with the same depth that they feel. Love is blind and that’s what crushes one emotionally when they realize in time that the one that they love was just going through the motions the whole time. And it happens to men a lot too. I’m an old romantic, I never wanted anything more then to find that one person to spend my life with that loved me as much as I loved them, till our Dying day. Never have found my equal in that sense and probably never will but I’ve been Fortunate to love many. Sadly, in today’s society, this world has twisted most minds into a shallow mentality concerning love. They easily throw the word around with no real understanding of what love really is or how selfless it must be in any commitment. There will always be ups n downs in any relationship, but if love is real on both sides it’s something both deal with together and get past the low times, knowing that they’re partners… one flesh, never thinking about what they might be missing out on or going through. After all, there should be nothing else that even slightly interest’s you or you can’t get through if you love someone with all your heart. Most people now a days have no conception of true love in that depth, or any depth for that matter. They’ve been conditioned to think only about themselves and their own, selfish happiness, falsely believing as long as it stays that way and they’re happiness is maintained by you that’s love to them, and will say those words with little thought to what love really is. But, the minute you don’t keep them happy you can’t pry the words from their lips. Today’s conditioning has most people thinking, even before marriage, “I love them, but I better have an exit plan if it doesn’t work out. That’s not real love. Real love doesn’t have a back up plan nor is it off and on again, it’s unwavering and stands the test of time. Even in old age, you find your spouse as beautiful to you as the first time you set eyes on them. You don’t see the gray hairs or wrinkles, you see the person you’ve always loved. The bad times have no lasting memory because love like this between two people make those times trivial. They instinctively know that together, hand in hand, they’ll get through anything. I’m sure there are couples that have found this equal and real love to share through life, but its as rare as a unicorn in my experience. All we can do is stay true to our selves and not get jaded or lose the true and precious ability to love so deeply. Life is short and like I said love like that between two people is so rare. When you realize that this level of love is almost always one sided, it makes no sense to waste anymore time then you must grieving about the loss when it Inevitably ends. The pain can’t be avoided, I know, but you can limit it and put it behind you sooner by realizing that. Finding out that they are incapable of returning the same kind of love that you bring to the relationship can break your heart, but realize that it wasn’t there to begin with, you didn’t lose there love, they never really understood what real love was to begin with and probably never will at your level of understanding or have your ability to deeply feel that level of love for you. Grieve, but move on as soon as you possibly can. Keep searching for that unicorn, but don’t be disappointed if you never find one, otherwise you’ll be let down by most and it could close your heart to the chance to feel love again. One thing that’s helped me is realizing that the love that fills my heart so blissfully isn’t selfish, we don’t experience it by thinking “ I know they can’t stop thinking about me they love me so much.” It’s not the love we wish to get from someone else that gives us such a bittersweet yet unexplainably wonderfully emotional feeling that fills us to the point of bursting, it’s the beautiful ability to love someone else at such a level, with every bit of our heart n soul, that blesses us with the opportunity to experience that sometimes fleeting, yet unforgettably blissful feeling that no words can begin to explain. So, how should you deal with the pain that comes with realizing the love you thought was there really never was or is gone? Thank them for the time shared together that allowed you to experience such deep love for someone and you wish the could have experienced such a beautiful thing, tell them that you hope one day, they find the same level of love that you found during your time together, then smile and say goodbye. Theres no reason to cause yourself more pain or loss of precious time then you already have on someone that will never be what you deserve. Realize even though it hurts, it will fade away because it’s just filling a space temporarily than is meant for something wonderful, which will fill it again before you know it as soon as you put the grief behind you and let it stay there, Never give up looking for the chance to find your unicorn… and relish the love you do find along the way, being thankful you found it in you again, even when its not as intense as other times, or lasts very long…. You’re one of the lucky ones that has passionately experienced what most never truly will. We can’t live in the past for risk of it affecting our future. Sometimes, God allows us to experience heartache because he has someone much better coming in our future, but we need to experience and learn from the heartache so we can be open to love deeply, or even greater again. I hope you find your unicorn and your heart is open to love and ready when you do.

Last Edited by BULLY! BULLY! on 09/12/2022 09:50 AM

Phenn, I'm saddened by your story. Many of us have trouble finding and keeping love. I think what happens frequently is we build up an image of what someone is like and we fall in love with that, which may have little or no relationship to what the person is REALLY like. Sometimes we discover what they're really like when they cheat or leave us, sometimes we never really do. It's a type of magic, like a magic spell we put on ourselves. The Scots used to call it glamour.... That's what the word originally meant - a spell.

It's a combination of a compelling physical desire with the sense that this person, at least on the surface, is our ideal. Our perfect one. That's the spell and WE maintain it. The real person may not be like that at all and the sad thing is, we do so much for someone we never really knew.

As someone who has been deeply in love several times in my life, I think you can be in love with many different people, the love is in you, not them, it's in your reaction to them, not necessarily the reality of what they're like. If you want to break this, you might really have to analyze what you "loved"in him -what qualities physical and otherwise, and see if you can find them in others for real.

I think you loved a phantom. Maybe it's also tied into re-capturing a certain time and place as well. But you can't continue to let this one abusive man dominate you. He's not worthy of you or a good woman in general. There are other men who are and are so much worthier of life, loyalty and affection.

Love is what we create for ourselves and what we want to believe in.

The stories that really amaze me are the ones about how people can be married for years- 10,20, or more - and them one partner who had been very loved and apparently fine before, decides to cheat and becomes a completely different and even..... evil....person. Who runs off with someone new abandoning their spouse, children, family, all for what? And so often that doesn't work out either. It's frightening and I don't understand it except to say that love frequently is an illusion we create for ourselves.

OP sad story OP. I’d like to believe that there’s some genuine love that he feels for you or has felt for you. After all he married you and he had been single his whole life so there’s that. I’d also like to believe that you’re not wrong about him but sometimes people are just so messed up inside they’re not capable of providing that kind of love. Something in him may not believe he deserves that kind of happiness. I don’t think your gut feeling could’ve beeen that wrong about him.

Love, is an action.

Be the Love, and Love is with You wherever you are.

Are you Always asking why??? Questions lead to more questions.

Can you be the answer your looking for?

Love goes to tears and they pour out night after night till the well runs dry and you're left staring into the abyss and eventually you realize that you were in love with Love itself.

Been there and in my case after swearing off relationships for two years I met someone. After a few months it came to me in a flash of realization that I had to go through the witch to be worthy of the princess.

That was 34 years ago.

Time is a healer.

How can you even read that shit

Must have laser vision

Interesting posts .....

I thought I had the license on emotional loss.

Phenn, for what it's worth, my 1st husband left me for our 16 yo babysitter. I was married to my second husband for 28 years. The first 10 were good, it went downhill in a very disgusing way for the rest. But I couldn't tell anyone about this disgusting part. My love basically died. Then turned to anger, then repulsion. No one knew it. My point being that because a couple is married for decades doesn't necessarily mean all is lollipops and unicorns.

Trin ~ no regrets! eh? no regrets. Your life is what made you who you are today. Is that a stronger person? a more compassionate person? Bitter?

At age 58, I met my twin soul...... a much younger man .... this was a different love from what I've ever known ever in my life. He loves me like I didn't know was possible, and same with me for him. We've met physically, but maintain a long distance relationship. When we met, the intensity was off the charts...... extreme intenseness. We met going on 9 years ago....... it's still intense.

Type O…

Did you even sleep tonight??



you know who

Yep, my aunt and uncle were like that.

Married 35 years and one day he just decides to run off with the secretary.

These are people I grew up with, had summer family reunions with.

Sometimes some people just go crazy.

That's why I never wanted to be in a relationship unless she agreed to take a mandatory crazy test.

If she can't pass the crazy test, no more McDonalds chicken nuggets date night.

It's that simple.

Yes, I know 2 people this happened to.

Woman was married for 30 years, 1 grown son and she thought she was in a good marriage. Her husband would go on golf trips and she would do little trips with her girlfriends. Then one day the husband says he's in love with another woman and wants a divorce. Those golf trips weren't golf trips. Left her for an older, wealthier woman. Her adult son was in the wedding - she said that especially hurt. It's fucked up. This happened 15 years ago - she's 65 now, never remarried.

Another incident was a guy I was stationed with. He got out of the military, was a contractor, did a remote in Iraq for a year because it was a lot of money. He came back, they bought a huge house in Texas and the wife encouraged him to do another year for the $$$. While he was there, she hooked up with a colleague and told him the marriage was over. He moved to Colorado, took a job there and last I heard he spends his free time at the VFW getting drunk.

Baby

Baby

Where did our love go….

I think we need a love thread

Then everyone can heal

That is deep - well said.

Just like laughter. Laughter is not disposable. Laughter can quickly turn to sadness or a numbness. Laughter does not die.
We can laugh again. Just like love...

That is indeed very well said. I know I am guilty of that as well.

I also just want to add that life can change in the blink of an eye for many different reasons causing loss. Love for another is amazing when it's two-way. Since love is a frequency, recognizing that vibrational connection is imperative to maintaining a relationship of any type. Once that frequency is broken, heal from it, then move on. Everything you need, you already have within yourself.

Recognizing what is emotion (ego) and what is heart (vibrational frequency) is what is key to a successful relationship. That's my experience.

Love is blind.
After husband died, I found out he was living a double life, one, a church going husband and father, the other was filled with drugs, secret affairs, hidden dirty financial deals and so on.

How many parents think their own children are incapable of doing harm only to discover shocking dirty deeds?

GLP motto..... TRUST NO ONE

justsayin;)

Time repairs, re stitched the broken if you see past the mistakes, like an anaesthesia that you become numb and wake up with various emotions and after a while you just keep on sensitized.

Some win, some not. Love isn't being together with someone but loving yourself first and healing through the pain.

You are PHENOMMMM!

i used to be so annoyed by this...

most of my friends parents liked me but somewhat looked at me as a bad influence.. the 1 parent kid, listening to horrible music, smoking/weed always open/rude/honest etc.

sometimes they would make remarks about me smoking etc.

none of them ever knew out of my circle of friends i was the only one not popping pills, sniffing powders, smoking/weed in secret, destroying stuff for fun, taking parents cars at night to drive around the city drunk and without a license etc...

but i knew it, so i still felt like a good friend :)

but i hate when people do that.. live some double life and then just pull you in to the lies.

i had a friend who cheated on his gf. he told us all proud etc. the next day he was there with his gf and obviously no one said anything about it. made me feel so bad.
stopped being his friend. im not gonna lie, even indirectly for some lowlife who uses people like clothing.