Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

I didn't even know the pic was of him. It added nothing to my interest in the thread, which I appreciated. Phen is a very interesting woman and I encourage any human values threads. Others do as well, considering the response to the thread.

we've been friends since 77/78. shes like my sister. we have an arrangement we dont talk about him.

samsung supposedly retired my phone galaxy note 9 n last i read no more updates but they did do one recently think it was last month n fucked my shit up

NDE= Near Death Experience. Where people (believe) they pass beyond death to another realm. There is substantiating evidence for this.

yes in 83 he left w/o warning. never mistreated me.

reconnected in 16. got married n then he said BYE 3mo later.

I always thought you where a dude

ive read shit on that. i nvr used to believe in that shit til i came here listened to rense bout ghosts n paranormal. lotta evidence to support it.

Don't make yourself crazy over this.

"One DOES NOT - love then not....."


He IS a narcissist, as was said. He never loved you....maybe LIKED the feeling of knowing YOU loved HIM. But he manipulated you to love him.

I fell for one of those - once.

Luckily for me, I got away from him, but never stopped loving him. Never even loved my husband (still married to for 41 years) as much as I loved my little Narcissist!

I found out just recently that he died several years ago.....THAT was how I was able to "let go." Not before.

As you said, had he asked me to leave my life and join him - again - I WOULD HAVE DONE IT. And just as likely been "dropped like a hot potato" as some future time, too.

That's what narcissists do!

Just hold a warm spot in your heart for how he made YOU feel, but realize HE NEVER LOVED YOU.....just knew how to say and do what made YOU love him.....

For whatever pleasure he got out of that.

you know? It may be a blessing he walked out on you! There is the possibility that life WITH him would have been really bad.

There's been more than once I've been grateful for not receiving that which I thought I wanted!

Many people fall in lust. Not love. They get the two confused. That is why so many relationships and marriages fail. They have no solid foundation. Just built on sex or even money and power. When it’s gone the relationship is over.

as an addendum to this thread may i remind you that in human history no woman ever told the truth about her failed relationships .
lol ?

its very much consoling that youre the only one who gets it havn been thru it urself. thank u for this post. least ik its not me. and someone else sadly went thru it and understands.

i guess i have my answer in part - bc it fits him/narc but i dont think thats applicable for everyone who walks away. hard to believe everyones a narc yanno? that'd be too sinister.

its fucked up that theyre incapable of true love.
disheartening that theres ppl incapable of love. i dunno how they go thru life like that. it must be a miserable way to live. and to hide it too no less.

imagine being that artful to be able to hide that attribute. these ppl deserve an academy award. they also deserve bad karma for what they do to ppl.

i knew someone who was with a guy and he was dealing drugs. he told her he hadda job, dock work. cash off the books.
several years doing this. she didnt question it.

they hadda kid. she didnt have to work.

then the police showed up.

they took her bank acct/joint too.
they were driving a lincoln mkz and bmw, was able to put 30k on a house cash. all seized.

it started with the bank. the bank reported cash deposits to the police & irs.

her life was destroyed. she had no clue.

his leading a dbl life destroyed this family. she was left with nothing. he went to prison.

seriously ur gonna turn this into a stereotypical he-man woman haters club thing?

2+ years of lust? lust generally is temporary, and short-lived

Hopefully what she got left with was a lot of wisdom. And will find a good man next time.

It can happen.

i helped her best i could. none of the money she got back. we tried to get her some of it but laws re drugs have seizures n she couldn't prove any of it was "legit". they treated her like a criminal. didnt believe that she didnt know. he even admitted to LE she didnt know.

i forgot to mention, she lost the house to foreclosure. they wanted to take the house too, and the atty argued banks accept stated income and approved the loan, while they were arguing back n forth for like almost 2 yrs the house ended up going into foreclosure.

You're not upset over love lost.

I'll tell you what's really eating at you.

You're upset about all those years you wasted investing in something that had no returns.

What you want back is those years that were lost but you can't get them back you just have to let them go.

And that's not easy.



Last Edited by The_Gardener on 09/12/2022 02:17 PM

Then you know God is the only one who can heal you and restore you. As for why it happened to you, consider Hosea in the Bible and why God let that happen. Consider also Job and his circumstances

Perhaps God is trying to tell you something through all this, or to shape you for a purpose/mission that only someone with your unique life-changing/breaking experience can do. Sometimes we will never know the "why?" while still on this earth.

Maybe the guy is a total psycho and God saved you from being a Stacy Peterson.

Maybe your story is helping another girl right now not fall for a psycho and saving her from being a Stacy Peterson.

I don't know, but God knows. He knows your heart even better than you do. Keep the faith and keep trusting in Him.

Last Edited by Weyoun on 09/12/2022 02:32 PM

This is absolutely beautiful...you are very lucky to have each other and share a special love. God bless you and your marriage.

Definitely a narcissist. I've been there (2). He never loved you ~ they are charismatic & charming but lack empathy. They love to be adored but really give nothing in return. Probably why he never married; did the same thing to other women along the way. You should never have taken him back after he ran off the first time. No decent person would do that to another.

Precisely. That man carried the pleasure reliving it over & over of the hole he left in your soul for all these Yrs and when he saw you again he wanted to renew his pleasure through your pain. That man has left a trail of pain behind him. He is to be pitied. my dear one I believe you see the hole which is in that mans soul & you have mistaken pity for love. Please,open your heart for a fellow empath to come into your life and no longer allow that sick man a hook in your soul. Go forward. You will find peace.

Thank you for this.

Wonderfully written. I realize that I am not crazy for feeling the same way. I have had two loves in my life and never again. I am at the point where I just don't care to go through anymore heartache.

I've not read the whole thread yet thou the thread title brought this oldie to mind.




If love "goes" was it really love in the first place?


To my mind there are many types of "love":

One is human and ego(manipulative and conditional) based love, as in, it's based on the needs and wants of personal egos involved

Another is sometimes called love thou in reality it is actually lust.

Another is: soul level love that has no needs or wants and just expresses itself.

Then there is the love that holds the fabric of this existence together, without it we would cease to exist...



Last Edited by AdorableLittlepixie on 09/12/2022 10:15 PM

That’s awful. In her next relationship she will question everything.

It goes nowhere until another human or thing shows up to love.

It is through someone or something that we can love. For others reflect our love. We need a placeholder for it or else there is nowhere to place it.

65 years? Wow! I've only heard of that happening a few times in my life. My wife and I have been together since 79.

People can go a life time without falling madly in love. We only get to joyfully dance in the rain with that special someone once in our lift time. Think of all the people that will never dance in the rain or will go through the motions without really feeling it.

Perhaps you built a wall around your heart to guard it from ever getting hurt again, or perhaps the wall was a shrine to the (unrequited) love of your life. I think counseling can help you get it sorted out. Find a good shrink and give it try. You’re worth the investment.

Well said!!! Thank you!

Speaking of Tina Turner, have you guys seen her movie? Wow, I had no idea! If you want to see someone fight through the shmuck, this is a great movie.