Where does the love go when a relationship is over?

You only get one great love in your life?

But what if you love someone that doesn't love you back?

It sounds like you're in love with an idea, not a person.

You think others have achieved this perfect version of love and unity that you're looking for based on some friends who have been married a long time?

You don't know the intimate details of their lives.

The only way a long term relationship is ever really going to work is if both parties are on the same page as far as REALITY goes..

Because REALITY is a lot different from what our mind has imagined perfection to be.

Reality is, shit isn't always fun, shit isn't always happy, shit isn't always beautiful, shit isn't always healthy...

The reality is, if you both haven't made a commitment to SUPPORT each other in good times and bad, in sickness and health, and reaffirmed that commitment daily, well there isn't a chance in hell you're going to make it.

If one person puts their own selfish needs, wants, and desires ahead of the others wellbeing, well, you're fucked.

Most people when put to the test, will fail you.

If you ever do find someone that when put to the test will not fail you, HOLD ON TIGHT, it's extremely rare.

Love is blind.
After husband died, I found out he was living a double life, one, a church going husband and father, the other was filled with drugs, secret affairs, hidden dirty financial deals and so on.

How many parents think their own children are incapable of doing harm only to discover shocking dirty deeds?

GLP motto..... TRUST NO ONE

Aggressive chiding overload...

Ever thought about making your own podcast Phenn? You'd be great at it.. can be quite lucrative.

i used to be so annoyed by this...

most of my friends parents liked me but somewhat looked at me as a bad influence.. the 1 parent kid, listening to horrible music, smoking/weed always open/rude/honest etc.

sometimes they would make remarks about me smoking etc.

none of them ever knew out of my circle of friends i was the only one not popping pills, sniffing powders, smoking/weed in secret, destroying stuff for fun, taking parents cars at night to drive around the city drunk and without a license etc...

but i knew it, so i still felt like a good friend :)

but i hate when people do that.. live some double life and then just pull you in to the lies.

i had a friend who cheated on his gf. he told us all proud etc. the next day he was there with his gf and obviously no one said anything about it. made me feel so bad.
stopped being his friend. im not gonna lie, even indirectly for some lowlife who uses people like clothing.

we post anything u know this. and it does meet the criteria. what theyve done to society. theyve broken society. ppl have become disposable

you make a lot of good points

it's a damn shame you never learned about paragraphs in life

GLP is no longer a Conspiracy Website. This is an Investigational Website. The memo was quite clear.

bully bully
just out of interest, did you post that from a phone>?
i always assume thats why people dont use paragraphs.

i thought i did have it. it 'seemed' mutual. there were no signs otherwise id have caught it. til he ended it.

i also thought it was REAL(ity). thats why i questioned myself thereafter. was my reality an illusion?

its hard to know whats inside someones head. you go by what they say + their actions. some ppl are good at hiding what theyre thinkn. some are masters at it. then when something happens the other i shocked, they didnt see it coming.

IK everyones different. everyones situation is different. but the one common denominator is like what you said - the support, the commitment - and if loves the deep admiration of someone, how does one just turn it off?

it doesnt make sense to me

i get that. but how does one love then not?

What's the point of giving advice?

I think men and women are wired differently and interestingly enough you can see it in this thread even between the interaction between Phenomeen and Trinity, fascinating.

But a band called Shelter once used these sentences in a song called "Here we go again":

"Just he uses love for sex
And sure she uses sex for love"

Love is different if you ask a man from when you ask a woman. Imo it is just chemical and nothing else.
Remember it is all there to trick you into creating babies, and if you don't well then u have done something differently than most people on Earth lol.
Also I believe love fades, in the end its more of responsibilities and that most are adjusted to stay.

I think marriage is outdated and should not be allowed anymore. With the computer age we all became more independent. And I have seen even old marriages be more something about knowing eachother and not breaking up because that't not something you should do.
Older generations should have probably divorced too, but remember that religion and christianity prevented them from doing that.
Its all control, relationships are control, religion is control and every interation between man and woman is some sort of leverage between one and another.
No wonder i will always be single lmao. :D

Love is also outdated imo cause now everyone is looking for the grass on the other side.
Divorce rate in Sweden I believe is 80-90% amongst people around 40-55
Everyone has an ex, or is an ex themselves

This is the real answer:
Love is dead

My wife of more than 30 years ashes right here in the living room.

Stage 4 cancer.

i think it is dead for todays society, back then things were different

Phenn,

His behavior sounds like meth. Meth allows people to turn off their empathy and perceive the other person as being as fake as their own chemically enhanced self confidence.

The love we experience in the presence of another person is really coming from inside of us. It is our projection. That is the big trick.

The ideal that we are blinded by isn't just a mental ideal. We see bits and glimmers of the divine in them. It is our duty to nurture the good in men so that it will increase.

One thing I’ve learned in my life is love between 2 people is rarely equal and even though they both will profess it to each other, most of the times one truly loves the other deeply and the others love is just a return of words while they’re happy. Relationships where both people are truly, equally and deeply in love is rare, and nowadays, mostly a fairy tale. The sad thing is the one that is truly in love hears the other one politely return the words and because their love is so deep they assume when they hear, “ I love you too” that it’s with the same depth that they feel. Love is blind and that’s what crushes one emotionally when they realize in time that the one that they love was just going through the motions the whole time. And it happens to men a lot too. I’m an old romantic, I never wanted anything more then to find that one person to spend my life with that loved me as much as I loved them, till our Dying day. Never have found my equal in that sense and probably never will but I’ve been Fortunate to love many. Sadly, in today’s society, this world has twisted most minds into a shallow mentality concerning love. They easily throw the word around with no real understanding of what love really is or how selfless it must be in any commitment. There will always be ups n downs in any relationship, but if love is real on both sides it’s something both deal with together and get past the low times, knowing that they’re partners… one flesh, never thinking about what they might be missing out on or going through. After all, there should be nothing else that even slightly interest’s you or you can’t get through if you love someone with all your heart. Most people now a days have no conception of true love in that depth, or any depth for that matter. They’ve been conditioned to think only about themselves and their own, selfish happiness, falsely believing as long as it stays that way and they’re happiness is maintained by you that’s love to them, and will say those words with little thought to what love really is. But, the minute you don’t keep them happy you can’t pry the words from their lips. Today’s conditioning has most people thinking, even before marriage, “I love them, but I better have an exit plan if it doesn’t work out. That’s not real love. Real love doesn’t have a back up plan nor is it off and on again, it’s unwavering and stands the test of time. Even in old age, you find your spouse as beautiful to you as the first time you set eyes on them. You don’t see the gray hairs or wrinkles, you see the person you’ve always loved. The bad times have no lasting memory because love like this between two people make those times trivial. They instinctively know that together, hand in hand, they’ll get through anything. I’m sure there are couples that have found this equal and real love to share through life, but its as rare as a unicorn in my experience. All we can do is stay true to our selves and not get jaded or lose the true and precious ability to love so deeply. Life is short and like I said love like that between two people is so rare. When you realize that this level of love is almost always one sided, it makes no sense to waste anymore time then you must grieving about the loss when it Inevitably ends. The pain can’t be avoided, I know, but you can limit it and put it behind you sooner by realizing that. Finding out that they are incapable of returning the same kind of love that you bring to the relationship can break your heart, but realize that it wasn’t there to begin with, you didn’t lose there love, they never really understood what real love was to begin with and probably never will at your level of understanding or have your ability to deeply feel that level of love for you. Grieve, but move on as soon as you possibly can. Keep searching for that unicorn, but don’t be disappointed if you never find one, otherwise you’ll be let down by most and it could close your heart to the chance to feel love again. One thing that’s helped me is realizing that the love that fills my heart so blissfully isn’t selfish, we don’t experience it by thinking “ I know they can’t stop thinking about me they love me so much.” It’s not the love we wish to get from someone else that gives us such a bittersweet yet unexplainably wonderfully emotional feeling that fills us to the point of bursting, it’s the beautiful ability to love someone else at such a level, with every bit of our heart n soul, that blesses us with the opportunity to experience that sometimes fleeting, yet unforgettably blissful feeling that no words can begin to explain. So, how should you deal with the pain that comes with realizing the love you thought was there really never was or is gone? Thank them for the time shared together that allowed you to experience such deep love for someone and you wish the could have experienced such a beautiful thing, tell them that you hope one day, they find the same level of love that you found during your time together, then smile and say goodbye. Theres no reason to cause yourself more pain or loss of precious time then you already have on someone that will never be what you deserve. Realize even though it hurts, it will fade away because it’s just filling a space temporarily than is meant for something wonderful, which will fill it again before you know it as soon as you put the grief behind you and let it stay there, Never give up looking for the chance to find your unicorn… and relish the love you do find along the way, being thankful you found it in you again, even when its not as intense as other times, or lasts very long…. You’re one of the lucky ones that has passionately experienced what most never truly will. We can’t live in the past for risk of it affecting our future. Sometimes, God allows us to experience heartache because he has someone much better coming in our future, but we need to experience and learn from the heartache so we can be open to love deeply, or even greater again. I hope you find your unicorn and your heart is open to love and ready when you do.

Men can turn off their emotional mind, they can walk away seemingly unscathed, they do it all the time.

Real love, that “One” is a thing, and you know it when you meet them, they do as well, but they often don’t like the level of loss of control it represents, Men are not wired to drown in the Love, as most women are, we live for that level of true soul connection, they run from it.

I walk a similar path, the love is out there floating on its cloud, I’m not waiting for reunion anymore, you shouldn’t either, it will never be the wholeness you once had, it will be bound to fears.

There are other types of love connections,great ones, other ways to experience love, yes he might be that once in a lifetime, but if he’s so disconnected from his emotional self and a narcissist in this lifetime, all he has to offer is more heartache, run...

Phenn, I'm saddened by your story. Many of us have trouble finding and keeping love. I think what happens frequently is we build up an image of what someone is like and we fall in love with that, which may have little or no relationship to what the person is REALLY like. Sometimes we discover what they're really like when they cheat or leave us, sometimes we never really do. It's a type of magic, like a magic spell we put on ourselves. The Scots used to call it glamour.... That's what the word originally meant - a spell.

It's a combination of a compelling physical desire with the sense that this person, at least on the surface, is our ideal. Our perfect one. That's the spell and WE maintain it. The real person may not be like that at all and the sad thing is, we do so much for someone we never really knew.

As someone who has been deeply in love several times in my life, I think you can be in love with many different people, the love is in you, not them, it's in your reaction to them, not necessarily the reality of what they're like. If you want to break this, you might really have to analyze what you "loved"in him -what qualities physical and otherwise, and see if you can find them in others for real.

I think you loved a phantom. Maybe it's also tied into re-capturing a certain time and place as well. But you can't continue to let this one abusive man dominate you. He's not worthy of you or a good woman in general. There are other men who are and are so much worthier of life, loyalty and affection.

Love is what we create for ourselves and what we want to believe in.

The stories that really amaze me are the ones about how people can be married for years- 10,20, or more - and them one partner who had been very loved and apparently fine before, decides to cheat and becomes a completely different and even..... evil....person. Who runs off with someone new abandoning their spouse, children, family, all for what? And so often that doesn't work out either. It's frightening and I don't understand it except to say that love frequently is an illusion we create for ourselves.

Yep, my aunt and uncle were like that.

Married 35 years and one day he just decides to run off with the secretary.

These are people I grew up with, had summer family reunions with.

Sometimes some people just go crazy.

That's why I never wanted to be in a relationship unless she agreed to take a mandatory crazy test.

If she can't pass the crazy test, no more McDonalds chicken nuggets date night.

It's that simple.

That is indeed very well said. I know I am guilty of that as well.

I also just want to add that life can change in the blink of an eye for many different reasons causing loss. Love for another is amazing when it's two-way. Since love is a frequency, recognizing that vibrational connection is imperative to maintaining a relationship of any type. Once that frequency is broken, heal from it, then move on. Everything you need, you already have within yourself.

Recognizing what is emotion (ego) and what is heart (vibrational frequency) is what is key to a successful relationship. That's my experience.