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12/19/2014

 
Ducimus_

User ID: 56008792
Canada
01/01/2015 03:12 AM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Hi Eleven-15...

...dropping by to see how your holding up...hoping you had the steadfast love of family and friends to brace you up over the holidays...

...Eleven...I found this book to be of great comfort to me, and I am hoping it will be to you as well..."Intra Muros" by Rebecca Ruter Springer...

...may 2015 find you...and overtake you in the most pleasant of ways...may the memory of your daughter always be a sweet song in your heart that puts a smile on your lips!...

hf

A song for you:

...to lead...

...a proud Moodie...

...not perfect...just forgiven...

...all that truly matters in the end...is that you loved...
JaneDoeX0X

User ID: 65767211
United States
01/01/2015 04:26 AM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Eleven, I am also sorry for your loss. I feel helpless to help you but I will pray for you and your beautiful, beloved daughter.
Anonymous Coward
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Greece
01/01/2015 06:02 AM
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Re: 12/19/2014
So sorry for your loss eleven-fifteen. It's especially hard at this time of year.
DawaSatso

User ID: 66575918
United States
01/01/2015 12:56 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Eleven, you are on my mind so many times every day, hun.

How can anyone explain adequately to a non-experienced onlooker how it feels to be in labor, or ask a little one laughing in their sleep who they're talking to when they're only 1 month old (no doubt those angels) know something we don't! For sure!
Or one 5 year old unceremoniously thrown off a dock forced to swim on-the-spot.

All I can say is that if you are thrown into the life experience of grieving that is unknown to the non-experiencer as you struggle desperately to the surface for a breath, there is no time but now and getting through with newfound depth about love and continuity and how powerful the force of life really is.
Lifeforce is raw, rugged and knows exactly what to do on it's own..every crack contains the seed of life after fire, the life-giving rain borne of love..pure love wearing her comforting warm cloak of mercy always there, never betraying us for a second.
For the heart of the matter I am thankful there are no words to stain life, like an impeccable white horse.

Your words to your precious girl go straight to her cells, like heaven meets earth..the same way it did surrounding when she was born. Seems this is a kind of permanence despite how the stage is set..the play is about love.
Heaven meets earth momma.
You and your child in heaven's arms at all times :)
hugs

Last Edited by DawaSatso on 01/01/2015 01:01 PM
Tell Me Lies

User ID: 66577334
United States
01/01/2015 08:46 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
^^^
Well said!


red_heartblwkssred_heart
DawaSatso

User ID: 66575918
United States
01/01/2015 10:38 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
^^^
Well said!


red_heartblwkssred_heart
 Quoting: Tell Me Lies


roseroseroseroseroseroserose

wave
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 65575323
Canada
01/01/2015 11:01 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
She had a massive heart attack which was brought on by an asthma attack.

She was my one and only. No kids. She had a fiancé who was her high school sweetheart. Two peas in a pod.

She was my clone. When I would look at her, it was like looking in a mirror. She had a dry sense of humor.

She had a nice friendly dog. She use to say about her dog "if anyone told her that she was a pit bull she would cry"

I have parents who are in Idaho and not in a position to travel. Otherwise, I have no family. She was my family. I have very few friends, by choice.

I find no comfort in Facebook, I don't liked it.

GLP has been my date on many, many Friday and Saturday nights. Weeknight after work entertainment. I don't watch tv.

If this is where I choose to grieve, then so be it. Many of you will understand and those that don't, that's ok.
 Quoting: Eleven-15


Families come in all different shapes. :) Some of us have experienced the one here in a time of need.

I can't imagine the pain. :(

hf
Eleven-15  (OP)

User ID: 66690146
United States
01/04/2015 11:55 PM

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Re: 12/19/2014
Eleven, you are on my mind so many times every day, hun.

How can anyone explain adequately to a non-experienced onlooker how it feels to be in labor, or ask a little one laughing in their sleep who they're talking to when they're only 1 month old (no doubt those angels) know something we don't! For sure!
Or one 5 year old unceremoniously thrown off a dock forced to swim on-the-spot.

All I can say is that if you are thrown into the life experience of grieving that is unknown to the non-experiencer as you struggle desperately to the surface for a breath, there is no time but now and getting through with newfound depth about love and continuity and how powerful the force of life really is.
Lifeforce is raw, rugged and knows exactly what to do on it's own..every crack contains the seed of life after fire, the life-giving rain borne of love..pure love wearing her comforting warm cloak of mercy always there, never betraying us for a second.
For the heart of the matter I am thankful there are no words to stain life, like an impeccable white horse.

Your words to your precious girl go straight to her cells, like heaven meets earth..the same way it did surrounding when she was born. Seems this is a kind of permanence despite how the stage is set..the play is about love.
Heaven meets earth momma.
You and your child in heaven's arms at all times :)
hugs
 Quoting: DawaSatso

hugs Dawa
Thank you, so beautiful.
Eleven-15  (OP)

User ID: 66690146
United States
01/05/2015 12:01 AM

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Re: 12/19/2014
She had a massive heart attack which was brought on by an asthma attack.

She was my one and only. No kids. She had a fiancé who was her high school sweetheart. Two peas in a pod.

She was my clone. When I would look at her, it was like looking in a mirror. She had a dry sense of humor.

She had a nice friendly dog. She use to say about her dog "if anyone told her that she was a pit bull she would cry"

I have parents who are in Idaho and not in a position to travel. Otherwise, I have no family. She was my family. I have very few friends, by choice.

I find no comfort in Facebook, I don't liked it.

GLP has been my date on many, many Friday and Saturday nights. Weeknight after work entertainment. I don't watch tv.

If this is where I choose to grieve, then so be it. Many of you will understand and those that don't, that's ok.
 Quoting: Eleven-15


Families come in all different shapes. :) Some of us have experienced the one here in a time of need.

I can't imagine the pain. :(

hf
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl

Thank you AG. I hope your eye is healing.
hugs
Eleven-15  (OP)

User ID: 66690146
United States
01/05/2015 12:30 AM

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Re: 12/19/2014
Eleven, thinking of you and sending love and a minute of peace. I remember I got some relief from screaming in the woods where no one could hear me. Sounds dramatic, but I know tears release the bad neurotransmitters that painful emotions create.

I also remember, even though my faith in the eternal is strong, wondering WHERE the heck in the universe my child could be. How can they be here one minute and then are just not. As the mule guide said in Dances with Wolves when he came upon a long dead settler, "Someone back home is wonderin' ...Why don't she WRITE?"

I promise you will get a sign. It may take time, as it seems time on the other side of the veil is not on our clock at all. I'm glad you are talking to her. I know your heart is longing for connection.

The horrible memory and trauma of her death will fade quickly, don't try to avoid it. Just know it will pass.

Grieving is unbelievably exhausting, so just do only what you want to do, and do nothing you don't.

Also, I don't know how you feel about medication, but Xanax kept me sane.

Lovingly, Carol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 46317298

Thank you Carol, I changed the title to the thread. I had been staying away from it. You are on my mind as well. What you did in the woods, I did in the car but even that was interrupted.
My daughter had lived in the house next door to her father, grandpa's house he had left to the family (his). Her father asked her fiancé to leave soon. I didn't know I would feel how I do about that. I felt a certain comfort with that house now I don't. I don't feel any closeness or comfort with her father. He's so rude and ugly.
I have more to say but I'm always interrupted.

Last Edited by Eleven-15 on 01/05/2015 12:24 PM
DawaSatso

User ID: 66575918
United States
01/06/2015 04:00 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Eleven, you are on my mind so many times every day, hun.

How can anyone explain adequately to a non-experienced onlooker how it feels to be in labor, or ask a little one laughing in their sleep who they're talking to when they're only 1 month old (no doubt those angels) know something we don't! For sure!
Or one 5 year old unceremoniously thrown off a dock forced to swim on-the-spot.

All I can say is that if you are thrown into the life experience of grieving that is unknown to the non-experiencer as you struggle desperately to the surface for a breath, there is no time but now and getting through with newfound depth about love and continuity and how powerful the force of life really is.
Lifeforce is raw, rugged and knows exactly what to do on it's own..every crack contains the seed of life after fire, the life-giving rain borne of love..pure love wearing her comforting warm cloak of mercy always there, never betraying us for a second.
For the heart of the matter I am thankful there are no words to stain life, like an impeccable white horse.

Your words to your precious girl go straight to her cells, like heaven meets earth..the same way it did surrounding when she was born. Seems this is a kind of permanence despite how the stage is set..the play is about love.
Heaven meets earth momma.
You and your child in heaven's arms at all times :)
hugs
 Quoting: DawaSatso

hugs Dawa
Thank you, so beautiful.
 Quoting: Eleven-15

You will always be welcome dear lady.
Anything you want to talk about, whenever..is why we're here isn't it. :)
DawaSatso

User ID: 66575918
United States
01/06/2015 04:24 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Eleven, thinking of you and sending love and a minute of peace. I remember I got some relief from screaming in the woods where no one could hear me. Sounds dramatic, but I know tears release the bad neurotransmitters that painful emotions create.

I also remember, even though my faith in the eternal is strong, wondering WHERE the heck in the universe my child could be. How can they be here one minute and then are just not. As the mule guide said in Dances with Wolves when he came upon a long dead settler, "Someone back home is wonderin' ...Why don't she WRITE?"

I promise you will get a sign. It may take time, as it seems time on the other side of the veil is not on our clock at all. I'm glad you are talking to her. I know your heart is longing for connection.

The horrible memory and trauma of her death will fade quickly, don't try to avoid it. Just know it will pass.

Grieving is unbelievably exhausting, so just do only what you want to do, and do nothing you don't.

Also, I don't know how you feel about medication, but Xanax kept me sane.

Lovingly, Carol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 46317298

Carol, what shattering honesty you have. You share your raw impossible experiences of loss, hold up the mirror I am terrified to look into that every one of us must.

Stay with us with your profound description and advice from the trenches.
I would love to offer you a month's upgrade (hope it includes PM access so you and Eleven can swap). Don't get shy :)
Say the word.
hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 65575323
Canada
01/06/2015 06:14 PM
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Re: 12/19/2014
She had a massive heart attack which was brought on by an asthma attack.

She was my one and only. No kids. She had a fiancé who was her high school sweetheart. Two peas in a pod.

She was my clone. When I would look at her, it was like looking in a mirror. She had a dry sense of humor.

She had a nice friendly dog. She use to say about her dog "if anyone told her that she was a pit bull she would cry"

I have parents who are in Idaho and not in a position to travel. Otherwise, I have no family. She was my family. I have very few friends, by choice.

I find no comfort in Facebook, I don't liked it.

GLP has been my date on many, many Friday and Saturday nights. Weeknight after work entertainment. I don't watch tv.

If this is where I choose to grieve, then so be it. Many of you will understand and those that don't, that's ok.
 Quoting: Eleven-15


Families come in all different shapes. :) Some of us have experienced the one here in a time of need.

I can't imagine the pain. :(

hf
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl

Thank you AG. I hope your eye is healing.
hugs
 Quoting: Eleven-15


Thank you.

I felt such overwhelming sadness just now when I saw that the title had changed and your edit. :( I really cannot imagine your pain. And right now, I am shedding tears for you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 56316468
United States
01/14/2015 10:41 AM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Here is the page from message , which might be helpful when you are ready to look at it . [link to www.bereavedparentsusa.org]

I put it on here because of the many excellent first hand articles that might help not only you , but to increase other reader's understanding of some of the things you are going through . Basement and Balcony people is very enlightening for others .
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71033426
United States
12/15/2015 08:54 AM
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Re: 12/19/2014
Sorry to bring this page back up , but I cannot privately message .
This anniversary time is always the worst . My heart , thoughts and prayers are with you .





GLP