Eleven, thinking of you and sending love and a minute of peace. I remember I got some relief from screaming in the woods where no one could hear me. Sounds dramatic, but I know tears release the bad neurotransmitters that painful emotions create.

I also remember, even though my faith in the eternal is strong, wondering WHERE the heck in the universe my child could be. How can they be here one minute and then are just not. As the mule guide said in Dances with Wolves when he came upon a long dead settler, "Someone back home is wonderin' ...Why don't she WRITE?"

I promise you will get a sign. It may take time, as it seems time on the other side of the veil is not on our clock at all. I'm glad you are talking to her. I know your heart is longing for connection.

The horrible memory and trauma of her death will fade quickly, don't try to avoid it. Just know it will pass.

Grieving is unbelievably exhausting, so just do only what you want to do, and do nothing you don't.

Also, I don't know how you feel about medication, but Xanax kept me sane.

Lovingly, Carol.