In Love with 2 People? | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1218376 Denmark 12/31/2012 08:22 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 08:22 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 08:29 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Liked the "Lust/Love" post above! Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5943151 Yeah ... You can "LOVE" the sexual aspect of a relationship ... THAT will Wane! Go with the Loyal and Faithful One ... They will be THERE ... When the Sexy One is looking for Someone Else! Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship. I LOVE this movie...so much :). "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 08:29 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 08:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Manu-Koelbren
User ID: 1312616 Spain 12/31/2012 08:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The thing is my gf is very simple and caring and also she is very affectionate. We joke around a lot and have great sex but we don't have a very intellectual relationship. The other girl is very spiritual and smart and we connect to a deeper level, but on another level she's colder and we never were that close emotionally nor sexually. Still she writes to me and wants to see me, and I am just making excuses because i know my gf will find out and get pissed off. But I'd really love to just hang out with her for a week or something. It's a weird scenario but just in case you find it of interest. Banned as usual. “It is far easier to be a weakling than to be a Real Man. Were the Earth less harsh or the circumstances of life less austere, man would destroy himself before the shrine of the languid goddess. Only Real Men can with safety destroy the tangled forests and wilderness of Earth and make from them gardens, but will those who inherit the gardens be Real Men? The law decrees that they must be, or the wilderness will reclaim its own.” |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 08:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19133785 United States 12/31/2012 08:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I personally believe so. what some consider love is simple infatuation wherein they become angered, lost, confused with the distancing of another. Anyone that says this is impossible is stuck in this sort of infantile infatuation mode. If it is not possible, how then can a parent love their children, and their spouse. In most peoples own words this the most basic example of love is lost. |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 08:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I've been in a relationship for 6 years and yet all this time also I've kept contact with an ex gf with whom we have this great friendship. This has caused me a lot of trouble with my gf cuz she thinks I am still in love with this other girl. Quoting: Manu-Koelbren The thing is my gf is very simple and caring and also she is very affectionate. We joke around a lot and have great sex but we don't have a very intellectual relationship. The other girl is very spiritual and smart and we connect to a deeper level, but on another level she's colder and we never were that close emotionally nor sexually. Still she writes to me and wants to see me, and I am just making excuses because i know my gf will find out and get pissed off. But I'd really love to just hang out with her for a week or something. It's a weird scenario but just in case you find it of interest. Yeah. I can understand that. It makes sense to me. I wonder if we are supposed to settle for just some qualities that we like, or try to find someone will all of the qualities that we like? I don't know. In my situation, we had a lot of issues. He is 8 years younger than me. I have 3 kids, he has 1. I've been raising his daughter just fine, but I've been a mom for awhile. He didn't do so well with mine. I've been with him since his daughter was 6 months though. We fought a lot. Since leaving, a lot of the issues have been resolved or we have found ways to deal with them. But now, meeting this new girl, there are things about her that aren't like me that I'm sure are refreshing for him. She is 8 years younger than him and not 8 years older. She has no kids, no responsibilities, no cares, just smokes weed and works at a convenience store so she is able to give him all the attention in the world. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 08:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I personally believe so. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19133785 what some consider love is simple infatuation wherein they become angered, lost, confused with the distancing of another. Anyone that says this is impossible is stuck in this sort of infantile infatuation mode. If it is not possible, how then can a parent love their children, and their spouse. In most peoples own words this the most basic example of love is lost. Okay, I can understand that too. I still have love for a lot of my exes, but I'm not in love with them. If you are indeed in love with two people, what do you do about it? "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 08:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | LOL. I'm wondering why that would matter. White guys don't do this? Only if a black man is involved. I'm sure you get what I am saying. Take care of your children and love them. He will be responsible for his daughter. It's not something you will ever be able to control again |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 08:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | LOL. I'm wondering why that would matter. White guys don't do this? Only if a black man is involved. I'm sure you get what I am saying. Take care of your children and love them. He will be responsible for his daughter. It's not something you will ever be able to control again No, there is no black man involved, lol. I plan to, but I do still have to take care of his too. Her mom died and her mom was my friend. I owe it to her and her little girl. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 09:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Only if a black man is involved. I'm sure you get what I am saying. Take care of your children and love them. He will be responsible for his daughter. It's not something you will ever be able to control again Do you know Rico, Debbie, Darla ect.... Just want to know if you are that one No, there is no black man involved, lol. I plan to, but I do still have to take care of his too. Her mom died and her mom was my friend. I owe it to her and her little girl. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 09:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Only if a black man is involved. I'm sure you get what I am saying. Take care of your children and love them. He will be responsible for his daughter. It's not something you will ever be able to control again Do you know Rico, Debbie, Darla ect.... Just want to know if you are that one No, there is no black man involved, lol. I plan to, but I do still have to take care of his too. Her mom died and her mom was my friend. I owe it to her and her little girl. Do you know Rico, Debbie, Darla ect.... Just want to know if you are that one |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 09:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Only if a black man is involved. I'm sure you get what I am saying. Take care of your children and love them. He will be responsible for his daughter. It's not something you will ever be able to control again Do you know Rico, Debbie, Darla ect.... Just want to know if you are that one No, there is no black man involved, lol. I plan to, but I do still have to take care of his too. Her mom died and her mom was my friend. I owe it to her and her little girl. I've never known a Rico or a Darla, and I have a cousin Debbie, but that's all, lol. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
you asked for it User ID: 24156714 United States 12/31/2012 09:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19133785 United States 12/31/2012 09:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I personally believe so. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19133785 what some consider love is simple infatuation wherein they become angered, lost, confused with the distancing of another. Anyone that says this is impossible is stuck in this sort of infantile infatuation mode. If it is not possible, how then can a parent love their children, and their spouse. In most peoples own words this the most basic example of love is lost. Okay, I can understand that too. I still have love for a lot of my exes, but I'm not in love with them. If you are indeed in love with two people, what do you do about it? Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship. Quoting: IndigoSerenity76In this instance, it sounds like you are in love with him, yet he/you gave up meaning some need was not being met. Is that fixable? or do you end back as you begin again? If so its a wash, better keep looking. It sounds more as if you might have some familiar love with this person and not a deeper soul connection that would bind you together when you use the word "try". In my opinion to try is to lie. Love is not a battle, nor a game, it is or it isnt. My other pisses me off at times, yet even as she does her things, I can not look at her and think I could ever live without her. I dont pick some stupid thing found in time and use it to form a battle and begin to draw lines, it is her, I am I, sometimes the day just gets in the way. |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 09:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You need to let him go. You're be all old and wrinkly and he would have 16 good years before she looks like you do now. It's a no brainer he needs to run like hell. Quoting: you asked for it 24156714 lol, he doesn't look any younger than I do and she only looks about 2-3 years younger than me. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 21903530 Canada 12/31/2012 09:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24156714 United States 12/31/2012 09:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 09:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 09:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I personally believe so. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19133785 what some consider love is simple infatuation wherein they become angered, lost, confused with the distancing of another. Anyone that says this is impossible is stuck in this sort of infantile infatuation mode. If it is not possible, how then can a parent love their children, and their spouse. In most peoples own words this the most basic example of love is lost. Okay, I can understand that too. I still have love for a lot of my exes, but I'm not in love with them. If you are indeed in love with two people, what do you do about it? Okay, so what if he is saying he loves me (keeping in mind we were together 5 years, broken up for several months, we just going to start trying again and he met someone else almost 2 weeks ago), but he loves her too? He has told her how he still feels about me, but feels awful for hurting her and is says he is very sad to see her go and I've seen him, he is extremely sad. Says no matter which one he decides to be with, he will be hurt. I don't know if he is actually in love with me, or in love with her. He says he thinks he is in love with both of us. I also don't know if you can be in love with someone after a week long relationship. Quoting: IndigoSerenity76In this instance, it sounds like you are in love with him, yet he/you gave up meaning some need was not being met. Is that fixable? or do you end back as you begin again? If so its a wash, better keep looking. It sounds more as if you might have some familiar love with this person and not a deeper soul connection that would bind you together when you use the word "try". In my opinion to try is to lie. Love is not a battle, nor a game, it is or it isnt. My other pisses me off at times, yet even as she does her things, I can not look at her and think I could ever live without her. I dont pick some stupid thing found in time and use it to form a battle and begin to draw lines, it is her, I am I, sometimes the day just gets in the way. Yes, I think we both forgot ourselves at times throughout the relationship. Between work, 4 kids, sports, all of that, we forgot to make any time for ourselves at all and got lost. We never stopped loving each other though. Even during the past 10 months when I haven't lived there, we still saw each other often and the love was always still there. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26795689 United States 12/31/2012 09:44 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Manu-Koelbren
User ID: 1312616 Spain 12/31/2012 09:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I've been in a relationship for 6 years and yet all this time also I've kept contact with an ex gf with whom we have this great friendship. This has caused me a lot of trouble with my gf cuz she thinks I am still in love with this other girl. Quoting: Manu-Koelbren The thing is my gf is very simple and caring and also she is very affectionate. We joke around a lot and have great sex but we don't have a very intellectual relationship. The other girl is very spiritual and smart and we connect to a deeper level, but on another level she's colder and we never were that close emotionally nor sexually. Still she writes to me and wants to see me, and I am just making excuses because i know my gf will find out and get pissed off. But I'd really love to just hang out with her for a week or something. It's a weird scenario but just in case you find it of interest. Yeah. I can understand that. It makes sense to me. I wonder if we are supposed to settle for just some qualities that we like, or try to find someone will all of the qualities that we like? I don't know. In my situation, we had a lot of issues. He is 8 years younger than me. I have 3 kids, he has 1. I've been raising his daughter just fine, but I've been a mom for awhile. He didn't do so well with mine. I've been with him since his daughter was 6 months though. We fought a lot. Since leaving, a lot of the issues have been resolved or we have found ways to deal with them. But now, meeting this new girl, there are things about her that aren't like me that I'm sure are refreshing for him. She is 8 years younger than him and not 8 years older. She has no kids, no responsibilities, no cares, just smokes weed and works at a convenience store so she is able to give him all the attention in the world. Well that's the thing, sometimes you have to make compromises and it's hard knowing exactly which person you should choose, sometimes you wish you could be with two at the same time. But life is about choices so one needs to take a stance. Banned as usual. “It is far easier to be a weakling than to be a Real Man. Were the Earth less harsh or the circumstances of life less austere, man would destroy himself before the shrine of the languid goddess. Only Real Men can with safety destroy the tangled forests and wilderness of Earth and make from them gardens, but will those who inherit the gardens be Real Men? The law decrees that they must be, or the wilderness will reclaim its own.” |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 09:49 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 2704006 United States 12/31/2012 09:58 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 10:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I've been in a relationship for 6 years and yet all this time also I've kept contact with an ex gf with whom we have this great friendship. This has caused me a lot of trouble with my gf cuz she thinks I am still in love with this other girl. Quoting: Manu-Koelbren The thing is my gf is very simple and caring and also she is very affectionate. We joke around a lot and have great sex but we don't have a very intellectual relationship. The other girl is very spiritual and smart and we connect to a deeper level, but on another level she's colder and we never were that close emotionally nor sexually. Still she writes to me and wants to see me, and I am just making excuses because i know my gf will find out and get pissed off. But I'd really love to just hang out with her for a week or something. It's a weird scenario but just in case you find it of interest. Yeah. I can understand that. It makes sense to me. I wonder if we are supposed to settle for just some qualities that we like, or try to find someone will all of the qualities that we like? I don't know. In my situation, we had a lot of issues. He is 8 years younger than me. I have 3 kids, he has 1. I've been raising his daughter just fine, but I've been a mom for awhile. He didn't do so well with mine. I've been with him since his daughter was 6 months though. We fought a lot. Since leaving, a lot of the issues have been resolved or we have found ways to deal with them. But now, meeting this new girl, there are things about her that aren't like me that I'm sure are refreshing for him. She is 8 years younger than him and not 8 years older. She has no kids, no responsibilities, no cares, just smokes weed and works at a convenience store so she is able to give him all the attention in the world. Well that's the thing, sometimes you have to make compromises and it's hard knowing exactly which person you should choose, sometimes you wish you could be with two at the same time. But life is about choices so one needs to take a stance. I think he did by telling her that he loves me and needs to sort shit out in his head, but now he seems upset about it. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 10:29 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Truthfully if you want the answer than say what you did and let your soul be free of it. Say it here, nobody here really knows you right? Say it and all will be right I promise you Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2704006 It will follow you until you say it sigh Say what I did wrong in the relationship you mean? I have no problem doing that. I expected a lot, more than he was capable of, being that he is much younger than me and was a new parent. I let everything else get in the way. I forgot how to have fun. I wasn't as understanding as I should have been. He cheated, more than once but only once physically. I stayed, but there was resentment. It caused arguments. After the last girl I found out about, I cheated too. I then left shortly after that. During the time we have been not living together, we spent some time completely broken up and would still see each other off and on. I thought for a long time that it was hopeless so I pushed him away. I didn't believe that things could be better and we could change. But in reality, we have both changed a great deal since I left. We never stopped loving each other and he has been trying his ass off since I left, up until a few weeks ago when he met this girl. I shouldn't have pushed when there was still love there. "Imagine no possessions" "As Above, So Below" )O( Rach |
IndigoSerenity76
(OP) User ID: 26030910 United States 12/31/2012 10:30 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 26795689 United States 12/31/2012 10:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Your friend needs to spend the necessary time to sort out that mess of emotions that he's dealing with. Until he takes the time to work through the emotions that he's battling with, he won't be able to make any sound, confident decisions about resolving these circumstances. You kind of hinted at it but could his fear of being hurt (again) make him subconsciously feel noncommital towards both parties? It seemed kinda odd to me that you said he's only known the other woman for 2 weeks. Aside from the obvious butterflies that people can get when they first meet someone, two weeks doesn't sound like a suitable amount of time for two people to really know the extent of their feelings for one another under normal circumstances. Is he empathetic? Is that why he's so torn up about hurting her feelings? Does hurting her feelings make him identify with those feelings from his past and that's why he's so bent out of shape about this? Maybe you could take a step back and grant him some space to sort his emotions out and clear his mind. It wouldn't hurt to tell him that's what you want him to do. You know that's what he has to do for this situation to proceed in a healthy direction for all parties. If he doesn't address the heart of the matter then the same emotional 'conflicts' will continue to resurface and manifest in different ways in the future. Plus in light of recent discussions it sounds like you could benefit from devoting some more time focusing on YOU. That's why I hinted at riding 'solo' for a bit. |