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What's your earliest traumatic memory?

 
T-Man
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Netherlands
06/15/2022 09:37 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
That's a tough one since there were so many in my dysfunctional childhood back in the 1950's.

Here are 4 distinct memories that all happened when I was 4-6:

1. Being chased by a Bullsnake before my Dad killed it with a hoe. That same spring I saw my first tornado from about a mile away as we all dashed to a neighbor's house for shelter... and everybody just yelled to "keep up!" instead of helping me. I've never been so terrified since.

2. Watching my parents/brothers brutally slaughtering Chickens and laughing/joking as they sprayed the blood everywhere. My Brother was especially sadistic that day as he put the bird's necks under a pipe, stood on it and jerked their body up, entrails dangling as the head was ripped from the body... and my Mom cackled at his creativity. Innocence lost.

3. Crying when I didn't want to go to church one Sunday and having my Mother yell, "shut up or I'll really give you something to bawl about!" -and then slamming a car door on my hand to prove her point... a few minutes later she was singing hymns and acting like nothing had ever happened as I whimpered in the pew next to her. That was the day I learned to hate not only church but also religion. And I have a crooked little finger to this day as a constant reminder of when I first understood how close cruelty and hypocrisy really are.

4. Having my brother [who was ten years older] walk up to me one day holding a single-edged razor blade and saying, "I think I'll cut you" before he sliced open a gash on my leg. I still have a 3" scar to prove it. Oddly,I don't remember the pain, only the anger I felt as he walked away laughing, leaving me bleeding on the floor.


And you'd better believe I have several more memories just like those.

Meanwhile, while all this was happening I'd watch TV shows like LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, see very different families and wondering what I had done so wrong to end up in my own.

And it wasn't until I was in my 50's -and after a couple of years of therapy- that I was finally able to shed that notion.
 Quoting: GSB/LTD


god damn some people have psychopaths are siblings... so sorry

also slashes dont hurt so maybe thats why you dont remember pain.
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:38 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
dont mind me

ill just be here with my

handy dandy notebook!

you know what that means
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:38 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Victims, ain't we all!
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:39 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
first was my birth, second was my catholic baptism as a baby

chuckle
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:40 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Around the same age I accidentally pulled my younger cousins arm out of the socket and while he was laying on the couch crying in pain I hid under the coffee table scared of getting in trouble. That was pretty traumatizing too.
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:40 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Victims, ain't we all!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 79941206


Yes but the rage that inevitably follows victimhood will either temper you or break you.


Which path did you choose?
hankie
Everything

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06/15/2022 09:42 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
dont mind me

ill just be here with my

handy dandy notebook!

you know what that means
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 72174570


This is ok with me; I didn't need a person who didn't understand to fix me. Actually, they can and did cause me more trauma as an adult and I had to work to reverse it. First have no fear, and face it head on.
Sorry I got a headache

These are the times that tries men's and
women's souls!

May we come though it victorious!
Anonymous Coward
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United States
06/15/2022 09:44 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
5 years old.

I was molested multiple times by my babysitters retarded uncle that lived with them. In the garage. He would put me up on the workbench.

I told several people about it, including the babysitter, but no one would believe me. "Jerry wouldn't do that! He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

It wasn't until I told my mother, she pulled down my pants and saw my red but hole and damaged penis.

She saw them days later, eating at a Woolworths, jumped over their table and beat the crap out of Jerry until the staff pulled her off of him.

Nothing ever came of it as I recall... but what always haunted me, is there was another little boy my age they also sat for. We would play together in the finished basement on hot days.. I think of him a lot. And what he must have gone through..

Anyway, 40 years later and I still have nightmares.
TlvmmCpoft

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06/15/2022 09:46 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
5 years old.

I was molested multiple times by my babysitters retarded uncle that lived with them. In the garage. He would put me up on the workbench.

I told several people about it, including the babysitter, but no one would believe me. "Jerry wouldn't do that! He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

It wasn't until I told my mother, she pulled down my pants and saw my red but hole and damaged penis.

She saw them days later, eating at a Woolworths, jumped over their table and beat the crap out of Jerry until the staff pulled her off of him.

Nothing ever came of it as I recall... but what always haunted me, is there was another little boy my age they also sat for. We would play together in the finished basement on hot days.. I think of him a lot. And what he must have gone through..

Anyway, 40 years later and I still have nightmares.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 83611249


It's the ones we couldn't save who will haunt us the most.
I don't know what lies they told you, but I can promise they were lies.

Silencing yourself and living in the dark just means you've left yourself exposed to the type of people who wander the dark looking for victims who won't scream.

There's a fine line between training, trauma, and torture.
hankie
Everything

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06/15/2022 09:46 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
My first ban.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76605456


really?, was it not the Cia stealing your Mountain Dew 6 pack?

I could have sworn
 Quoting: Gleichmut


Everyone knows Austria is world famous for its sarcastic humour.
And Nazis.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76605456


just like how everyone knows insecure cowards call everyone a nazi

dont worry, id still give you a free shower

hf
 Quoting: T-Man


Even, though I find this offensive, lord help.
Sorry I got a headache

These are the times that tries men's and
women's souls!

May we come though it victorious!
Anonymous Coward
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Romania
06/15/2022 09:46 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Going to primary school with monsters.

Later on i payed heavily for these scum knowing me, and essentially wanting me dead.

Boy did i find out how evil females could be, and how they can abuse and pretend they are victims to destroy a male who did nout to them.

Once those vile females met up with garbage males i went to school with later, they sure ruined my life, and got to be in my life ever since.

Pure vile garbage.

I was the victim of there garbage, and boy how easy it was for them females to ruin my life, with vile scumbag males i went to school with for no reason.

Then they made up rubbish about me, so they got a female to follow me round all my adult life, destroying my life everywhere i went.

The loons follow me everywhere on net, as that bag(pervert slag), was given a right to follow me round for no reason.

FFFFing crazy what i lived with, and the people with mind control should have no right to run society, they are basically sexual perverts destroying any innocent life they want.

The vile garbage with mind control, used these techs on me in sixth form, to ridicule me, as they assumed wrongly back then i was some sort of trans or something, and they wanted to ridicule me, into letting some girl at school sort me out.
^^
Thats how uk gov, and usa gov used to deal with males who did not think they were like most males, and boy did i pay in my life, for being asexual, not trans, or straight.

Boy did i goto school with sexual perverts, and i assume most of you do, but did i pay for it, and finding out i became a target of mind control by uk gov, usa gov in london back in 1992.

Mad, that my bullying began in primary school, and same garbage got to follow me round for life, as uk usa gov used them to destroy my life for there fun.

Pure effing scum.

Talk about society destroying the victim.

Boy did i find out how females can totally ruin your life for not being sex mad like most boys are. If your not panting for females, they can absolutely destroy your life.

There is a reason for the saying, hell have no fury like a woman scorned.

Insane what i lived with, and how garbage with mind control started this back in sixth form, trying to ridicule me into letting a girl do me, to sort me out.

Just glad i was totally asexual, and these perverts with mind control cannot understand me.

What gave the garbage i went to school with any right to be in my life?

They had no right, and f off to uk, usa gov and media what you did to me.
T-Man
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Netherlands
06/15/2022 09:48 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
5 years old.

I was molested multiple times by my babysitters retarded uncle that lived with them. In the garage. He would put me up on the workbench.

I told several people about it, including the babysitter, but no one would believe me. "Jerry wouldn't do that! He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

It wasn't until I told my mother, she pulled down my pants and saw my red but hole and damaged penis.

She saw them days later, eating at a Woolworths, jumped over their table and beat the crap out of Jerry until the staff pulled her off of him.

Nothing ever came of it as I recall... but what always haunted me, is there was another little boy my age they also sat for. We would play together in the finished basement on hot days.. I think of him a lot. And what he must have gone through..

Anyway, 40 years later and I still have nightmares.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 83611249


is he still in existence?

im so sorry this happened to you and no one did something about it (bless your mom for trying )

god knows how many else hes done it too...

i would h--g him in public if i could
it being 40 years later doesnt change that either.

snooplove


god, people are so horrible...
Abe Froman

User ID: 80395985
United States
06/15/2022 09:49 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Going to primary school with monsters.

Later on i payed heavily for these scum knowing me, and essentially wanting me dead.

Boy did i find out how evil females could be, and how they can abuse and pretend they are victims to destroy a male who did nout to them.

Once those vile females met up with garbage males i went to school with later, they sure ruined my life, and got to be in my life ever since.

Pure vile garbage.

I was the victim of there garbage, and boy how easy it was for them females to ruin my life, with vile scumbag males i went to school with for no reason.

Then they made up rubbish about me, so they got a female to follow me round all my adult life, destroying my life everywhere i went.

The loons follow me everywhere on net, as that bag(pervert slag), was given a right to follow me round for no reason.

FFFFing crazy what i lived with, and the people with mind control should have no right to run society, they are basically sexual perverts destroying any innocent life they want.

The vile garbage with mind control, used these techs on me in sixth form, to ridicule me, as they assumed wrongly back then i was some sort of trans or something, and they wanted to ridicule me, into letting some girl at school sort me out.
^^
Thats how uk gov, and usa gov used to deal with males who did not think they were like most males, and boy did i pay in my life, for being asexual, not trans, or straight.

Boy did i goto school with sexual perverts, and i assume most of you do, but did i pay for it, and finding out i became a target of mind control by uk gov, usa gov in london back in 1992.

Mad, that my bullying began in primary school, and same garbage got to follow me round for life, as uk usa gov used them to destroy my life for there fun.

Pure effing scum.

Talk about society destroying the victim.

Boy did i find out how females can totally ruin your life for not being sex mad like most boys are. If your not panting for females, they can absolutely destroy your life.

There is a reason for the saying, hell have no fury like a woman scorned.

Insane what i lived with, and how garbage with mind control started this back in sixth form, trying to ridicule me into letting a girl do me, to sort me out.

Just glad i was totally asexual, and these perverts with mind control cannot understand me.

What gave the garbage i went to school with any right to be in my life?

They had no right, and f off to uk, usa gov and media what you did to me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 80169463




I think you are just crazy.
Crap
GSB/LTD

User ID: 8080014
United States
06/15/2022 09:50 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
That's a tough one since there were so many in my dysfunctional childhood back in the 1950's.

Here are 4 distinct memories that all happened when I was 4-6:

1. Being chased by a Bullsnake before my Dad killed it with a hoe. That same spring I saw my first tornado from about a mile away as we all dashed to a neighbor's house for shelter... and everybody just yelled to "keep up!" instead of helping me. I've never been so terrified since.

2. Watching my parents/brothers brutally slaughtering Chickens and laughing/joking as they sprayed the blood everywhere. My Brother was especially sadistic that day as he put the bird's necks under a pipe, stood on it and jerked their body up, entrails dangling as the head was ripped from the body... and my Mom cackled at his creativity. Innocence lost.

3. Crying when I didn't want to go to church one Sunday and having my Mother yell, "shut up or I'll really give you something to bawl about!" -and then slamming a car door on my hand to prove her point... a few minutes later she was singing hymns and acting like nothing had ever happened as I whimpered in the pew next to her. That was the day I learned to hate not only church but also religion. And I have a crooked little finger to this day as a constant reminder of when I first understood how close cruelty and hypocrisy really are.

4. Having my brother [who was ten years older] walk up to me one day holding a single-edged razor blade and saying, "I think I'll cut you" before he sliced open a gash on my leg. I still have a 3" scar to prove it. Oddly,I don't remember the pain, only the anger I felt as he walked away laughing, leaving me bleeding on the floor.


And you'd better believe I have several more memories just like those.

Meanwhile, while all this was happening I'd watch TV shows like LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, see very different families and wondering what I had done so wrong to end up in my own.

And it wasn't until I was in my 50's -and after a couple of years of therapy- that I was finally able to shed that notion.
 Quoting: GSB/LTD


god damn some people have psychopaths are siblings... so sorry

also slashes dont hurt so maybe thats why you dont remember pain.
 Quoting: T-Man


The years have taught me that physical pain usually hurts far less than the emotional kind because nerve endings will eventually heal leaving only visible scars. It's those hidden ones that do the long-term damage.

Perhaps I should offer a coda to all that early ugliness: after that kind of childhood, I didn't speak to my brother for the next 40 years and even today we are barely cordial [he's 82, I turn 72 on September 11]... I finally stopped extending an olive branch two decades ago. My Mom remained mean and vindictive until she died at 93, which is why today I say that not all Mothers are named Theresa. But life -and sometimes sanity- still goes on.
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:50 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Severe case of croup when I was around 3. Wound up in an oxygen tent in the hospital. Hallucinated huge spiders crawling all over the inside of the plastic. Not a big fan of spiders to this day.
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:51 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Living in a demon possessed haunted house as a toddler. They gassed us with the furnace twice among all the other demonic crap.
ZOSIME

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06/15/2022 09:52 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
2 something? years I was in my crib my brother's took me out got in my crib and broke it then they put me back in and left I remember being scared andy mom really mad
T-Man
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06/15/2022 09:52 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
...


really?, was it not the Cia stealing your Mountain Dew 6 pack?

I could have sworn
 Quoting: Gleichmut


Everyone knows Austria is world famous for its sarcastic humour.
And Nazis.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76605456


just like how everyone knows insecure cowards call everyone a nazi

dont worry, id still give you a free shower

hf
 Quoting: T-Man


Even, though I find this offensive, lord help.
 Quoting: hankie


I'm sorry.. the point was kinda about him calling everyone a nazi, and them having done those things. so it would be a reply he would expect, i guess.

<3 Again, sorry if it hit close to home.

Last Edited by T-Man on 06/15/2022 09:55 AM
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:53 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Born on a military base-Fort Hood. Way back in the day when they didn’t have doctors regularly on staff. Just soldiers and 2 nurses. Soldiers were mad that I wouldn’t stop crying so they duct taped a pacifier into my mouth, almost suffocating me. To this day I have a fear of suffocating or having anything on my face (ie masks.)
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:54 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
First knicgurr interaction and violence….Since then, there has been much more.

Blakks are incompatible, dangerous, vile, parasites! This plague must be isolated!!!!!!
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:54 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
The time in the dead of winter when my brother locked me in the trunk of my parents car as a game and then forgot about me. For hours.
T-Man
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06/15/2022 09:55 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
That's a tough one since there were so many in my dysfunctional childhood back in the 1950's.

Here are 4 distinct memories that all happened when I was 4-6:

1. Being chased by a Bullsnake before my Dad killed it with a hoe. That same spring I saw my first tornado from about a mile away as we all dashed to a neighbor's house for shelter... and everybody just yelled to "keep up!" instead of helping me. I've never been so terrified since.

2. Watching my parents/brothers brutally slaughtering Chickens and laughing/joking as they sprayed the blood everywhere. My Brother was especially sadistic that day as he put the bird's necks under a pipe, stood on it and jerked their body up, entrails dangling as the head was ripped from the body... and my Mom cackled at his creativity. Innocence lost.

3. Crying when I didn't want to go to church one Sunday and having my Mother yell, "shut up or I'll really give you something to bawl about!" -and then slamming a car door on my hand to prove her point... a few minutes later she was singing hymns and acting like nothing had ever happened as I whimpered in the pew next to her. That was the day I learned to hate not only church but also religion. And I have a crooked little finger to this day as a constant reminder of when I first understood how close cruelty and hypocrisy really are.

4. Having my brother [who was ten years older] walk up to me one day holding a single-edged razor blade and saying, "I think I'll cut you" before he sliced open a gash on my leg. I still have a 3" scar to prove it. Oddly,I don't remember the pain, only the anger I felt as he walked away laughing, leaving me bleeding on the floor.


And you'd better believe I have several more memories just like those.

Meanwhile, while all this was happening I'd watch TV shows like LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, see very different families and wondering what I had done so wrong to end up in my own.

And it wasn't until I was in my 50's -and after a couple of years of therapy- that I was finally able to shed that notion.
 Quoting: GSB/LTD


god damn some people have psychopaths are siblings... so sorry

also slashes dont hurt so maybe thats why you dont remember pain.
 Quoting: T-Man


The years have taught me that physical pain usually hurts far less than the emotional kind because nerve endings will eventually heal leaving only visible scars. It's those hidden ones that do the long-term damage.

Perhaps I should offer a coda to all that early ugliness: after that kind of childhood, I didn't speak to my brother for the next 40 years and even today we are barely cordial [he's 82, I turn 72 on September 11]... I finally stopped extending an olive branch two decades ago. My Mom remained mean and vindictive until she died at 93, which is why today I say that not all Mothers are named Theresa. But life -and sometimes sanity- still goes on.
 Quoting: GSB/LTD


Wow man, a psychopath brother is one thing (horrible) but for your mother to be like that...
I have so many questions and assumptions.. but lets just keep at how it is. I hope her death gave you some more freedom and peace and your brother being a methhead hopefully shows you as well that it was never your fault or anything you could have done to change it.
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:55 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
5 years old.

I was molested multiple times by my babysitters retarded uncle that lived with them. In the garage. He would put me up on the workbench.

I told several people about it, including the babysitter, but no one would believe me. "Jerry wouldn't do that! He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

It wasn't until I told my mother, she pulled down my pants and saw my red but hole and damaged penis.

She saw them days later, eating at a Woolworths, jumped over their table and beat the crap out of Jerry until the staff pulled her off of him.

Nothing ever came of it as I recall... but what always haunted me, is there was another little boy my age they also sat for. We would play together in the finished basement on hot days.. I think of him a lot. And what he must have gone through..

Anyway, 40 years later and I still have nightmares.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 83611249


is he still in existence?

im so sorry this happened to you and no one did something about it (bless your mom for trying )

god knows how many else hes done it too...

i would h--g him in public if i could
it being 40 years later doesnt change that either.

:snooplove:


god, people are so horrible...
 Quoting: T-Man


He was easily in his 50's at the time. Fat, bald, and grey, missing teeth. Doubt he could still be alive. I have a small scar on the top of my penis where he bit me, as a daily reminder. I see it every time I go to the bathroom.
TlvmmCpoft

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06/15/2022 09:56 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Born on a military base-Fort Hood. Way back in the day when they didn’t have doctors regularly on staff. Just soldiers and 2 nurses. Soldiers were mad that I wouldn’t stop crying so they duct taped a pacifier into my mouth, almost suffocating me. To this day I have a fear of suffocating or having anything on my face (ie masks.)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 81054972


I might have to add this to my list of reasons why the military does not make a good family.
I don't know what lies they told you, but I can promise they were lies.

Silencing yourself and living in the dark just means you've left yourself exposed to the type of people who wander the dark looking for victims who won't scream.

There's a fine line between training, trauma, and torture.
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 09:57 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
almost drowned at the YMCA when an overweight asian counselor sat on me in the shallow section of the pool whilst playing with other children. I narily escaped and was pulled out by one of my classmates brother.

Very close to being drowned to death, seeing as how most of the other children probably would have overlooked such an event.
hankie
Everything

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06/15/2022 09:57 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
first was my birth, second was my catholic baptism as a baby

chuckle
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 81900667


Yep, I had this memory and I refuse to go into this one had to do with someone holding my hand in a slimy cave, and I am just refusing to go into this memory of what it could possibly be.
Sorry I got a headache

These are the times that tries men's and
women's souls!

May we come though it victorious!
Texas Best

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06/15/2022 10:01 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
I was about 4 or 5 year old little girl. I was out walking the neighborhood by myself as usual in my white undies, because that was normal in the mid 50s. Two boys about 6 or 7 came over and pulled my undies down and pointed at my crotch and said, “See, I told ya, she doesn’t have one.”, then ran off. I ran home traumatized and told my Mom, who laughed.

True story and it so embarrassed me so badly and I was so ashamed that I no longer wanted to go out and play for years. I also hated boys for years, but by the time I was a teen, I got even with the boys by making them like me and suddenly breaking up with them for no reason.

Simple shit done to kids stay with them forever.
BEWARE OF GEEKS BEARING GIFTS!!!!
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 10:01 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
In nursery school, 3 yrs old
another child brought in Peeps to share with the class
I remember the taste made me sick and I threw up
One of the ‘teachers’ grabbed me by my arm, handed me a spoon and made me eat a spoonful of my vomit, which of course made me throw up even more. Then she dragged me to the bathroom and spanked me for making a mess on the table. To this day I hate Peeps
hankie
Everything

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06/15/2022 10:09 AM

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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
...


Everyone knows Austria is world famous for its sarcastic humour.
And Nazis.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76605456


just like how everyone knows insecure cowards call everyone a nazi

dont worry, id still give you a free shower

hf
 Quoting: T-Man


Even, though I find this offensive, lord help.
 Quoting: hankie


I'm sorry.. the point was kinda about him calling everyone a nazi, and them having done those things. so it would be a reply he would expect, i guess.

<3 Again, sorry if it hit close to home.
 Quoting: T-Man


No, it is ok, but it kind of hit me as funny and I tried not to laugh. The Lord helps me hard to do with it knowing what showering met, you can laugh at turn of phrase but in the root is knowing that it comes from knowing what they did and there are others who would do it again. Laughers come from different things and for different reasons. You did nothing wrong is just like laughing in the dark, laughing at your own fears is working it out.
Sorry I got a headache

These are the times that tries men's and
women's souls!

May we come though it victorious!
Anonymous Coward
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06/15/2022 10:09 AM
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Re: What's your earliest traumatic memory?
At 8 years old I lost my pinky finger to a mini bike accident. It cut the tendons in the palm of my hand, as well as cutting off my pinky finger. I saw the blood pooling in my hand, and the bone sticking out of my skin where my finger was missing. I screamed loud as I could and ran for the house. Dad wrapped my hand in a towel and his wife drove us to the emergency room, which was some 8 miles away. They removed my damaged finger down to the first knuckle and repaired the cut tendons. I had to exercise my hand to get full use of it back. I didn't look at my hand until after the last cast was taken off, because I was scared to see it, it was that traumatizing.





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