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Message Subject What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Poster Handle GSB/LTD
Post Content
That's a tough one since there were so many in my dysfunctional childhood back in the 1950's.

Here are 4 distinct memories that all happened when I was 4-6:

1. Being chased by a Bullsnake before my Dad killed it with a hoe. That same spring I saw my first tornado from about a mile away as we all dashed to a neighbor's house for shelter... and everybody just yelled to "keep up!" instead of helping me. I've never been so terrified since.

2. Watching my parents/brothers brutally slaughtering Chickens and laughing/joking as they sprayed the blood everywhere. My Brother was especially sadistic that day as he put the bird's necks under a pipe, stood on it and jerked their body up, entrails dangling as the head was ripped from the body... and my Mom cackled at his creativity. Innocence lost.

3. Crying when I didn't want to go to church one Sunday and having my Mother yell, "shut up or I'll really give you something to bawl about!" -and then slamming a car door on my hand to prove her point... a few minutes later she was singing hymns and acting like nothing had ever happened as I whimpered in the pew next to her. That was the day I learned to hate not only church but also religion. And I have a crooked little finger to this day as a constant reminder of when I first understood how close cruelty and hypocrisy really are.

4. Having my brother [who was ten years older] walk up to me one day holding a single-edged razor blade and saying, "I think I'll cut you" before he sliced open a gash on my leg. I still have a 3" scar to prove it. Oddly,I don't remember the pain, only the anger I felt as he walked away laughing, leaving me bleeding on the floor.


And you'd better believe I have several more memories just like those.

Meanwhile, while all this was happening I'd watch TV shows like LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, see very different families and wondering what I had done so wrong to end up in my own.

And it wasn't until I was in my 50's -and after a couple of years of therapy- that I was finally able to shed that notion.
 Quoting: GSB/LTD


god damn some people have psychopaths are siblings... so sorry

also slashes dont hurt so maybe thats why you dont remember pain.
 Quoting: T-Man


The years have taught me that physical pain usually hurts far less than the emotional kind because nerve endings will eventually heal leaving only visible scars. It's those hidden ones that do the long-term damage.

Perhaps I should offer a coda to all that early ugliness: after that kind of childhood, I didn't speak to my brother for the next 40 years and even today we are barely cordial [he's 82, I turn 72 on September 11]... I finally stopped extending an olive branch two decades ago. My Mom remained mean and vindictive until she died at 93, which is why today I say that not all Mothers are named Theresa. But life -and sometimes sanity- still goes on.
 
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