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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

lol

the warning label

is in
Genesis 3
and
Proverbs 5

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

You have to hear this guy tell it.

Me: "Mom and Dad, how does it feel to have been married for 35 years?"

Dad: "Well, it only seems like it's been 5 minutes..."

Mom: "Awww!"

Dad: "...Underwater."

If you want to laugh harder than you ever have in your lifetime, watch the HBO documentary call Class Action Park, about a water park in Vernon New Jersey. It was free on cable last week.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

why did the sperm cross the road?


you put on the wrong socks this morning.

Yo momma's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing!

Where do people with mild epilepsy like to get their pizza?
From Little Seizures.

Two Southern belles, one of whom was from Texas, were seated on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion talking. The first woman, who was not from Texas, said, "When my first child was born, my husband had this beautiful mansion built for me."
"That's nice," commented the lady from Texas.
"When my second child was born," the first woman continued, "he bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the lady from Texas commented, "That's nice."
"Then, when my third child was born," boasted the first woman, "he bought me this very exquisite diamond and emerald bracelet."
Once more, the lady from Texas commented, "That's nice."
"What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" asked the first woman.
"My husband sent me to charm school," answered the lady from Texas.
"Charm school!" exclaimed the first woman. "Land sakes, child, what on earth for?"
"So that instead of saying 'who gives a shit', I learned to say 'That's nice!'" replied the lady from Texas.

A drunk guy walks into bar and orders a drink.
No one else was there but an old woman at the end of the bar.
The guy turns to the bartender and says I want to buy that old douche bag a drink.
The bartender says, you can’t talk like that, this is a respectable place.
The guy says I sorry, please buy her whatever she wants
The bartender asked the old woman what would she like to drink.
The old woman said- I’ll have a vinegar and water.

Man I miss SanClemente, and Shoreline Church!!

Deep in a tropical forest, a small ant comes across an elephant who complains about a splinter stuck in his foot.

The ant tells the elephant that he can remove the splinter on the condition that the elephant allows the ant to fuck it when he's completed the task. The elephant ponders the offer thinking “Well, that's silly. What harm can a little ant do? I wouldn't even feel the ant on my body.”

After thinking it over the elephant agrees to the deal. So, the ant goes to work. After he finishes removing the splinter he reminds the elephant of their deal, to which the elephant says “Okay, go for it.” while giggling under its breath.

So, the little ant starts crawling up the back leg of the elephant, reaches the spot, adjusts himself accordingly, and starts pumping away.

Now, there was a monkey in the top of a nearby tree who had witnessed the whole event from the start. The monkey starts laughing uncontrollably as the ant is pumping away. The monkey is laughing so hysterically that he starts throwing things around in the air. Bananas, coconuts, palm branches, and tree bark start flying around as the monkey can't stop laughing. Inadvertently, a coconut fly's through the air and hits the elephant square in the head. “Owwww” screams the elephant. To which the ant replies “Yeah, take it all bitch!”

.

Last Edited by Quixote on 02/02/2022 09:58 PM

in capitalist America

Bank Robs you

What is the bird representing the US?
......the eagle

What is the bird representing peace?
......the dove

What is the bird representing true love?
......the swallow

Patient: Doctor, my husband says my vagina smells.

Doctor: Let me take a look.

Doctor: You're going to have to get that operated on.

Patient: My vagina?

Doctor: No, your nose.

Last Edited by Macs Divoc on 02/02/2022 10:18 PM

There really were 81 million alive united states citizens who voted for joe biden for the most recent presidential (s)election

Biden

What do you say when you give a mummy a dollar, and he hands you back three quarters and a nickel...

Egypt you.

An altar boy goes to confession,

"Bless me father for I have sinned"

"I know son, I was there"

Last Edited by Johnny Moonlight on 02/02/2022 10:27 PM

Love it!

:-)

I know where that Calvary Chapel is! LOL

What did the Leper say to the hooker?

Keep the tip

If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's a peaceful monster rebuilding Tokyo, and going into the sea peacefully afterwards.

that's a keeper!





An elderly couple were getting ready for bed. The wife was in the bathroom and decided she'd try to spice things up so as she stepped into the bedroom she threw her robe open and yelled 'Super Pussy!'

The old man looked up over his reading glasses and replied 'I'll have the soup!'