Trying to develop a social life after years of isolation, depression, and anxiety

Do you like animals? Get a shelter dog, take it to the dog park. For many, that's the only time they socialize with others from the community.

I would not worry about it. People might reject you for their own reasons that have nothing to do with you. You could go to church to hang out with people. You do not have to become religious to attend.

My uncle used to spend his days drinking coffee at Waffle House were he befriended the staff.

I've learned to just not give a shit anymore, sorry. After being alive for 31 years and treated like shit from people who you think are you're friends... You develop a certain zero tolerance.

Social acceptance is overrated! In my experience, family are typically the only ones you can trust and depend on, though sometimes even that isn’t true. There are good people out there. Remember: quality over quantity, and don’t expect perfection. It’s a give and take world. Don’t be nervous, either. EVERYONE has flaws and insecurities. Those who don’t admit it are called ‘narcissists’ and should generally be avoided... If someone rejects you? Screw ‘em - their loss! Good luck!

If you have a hard time with social interactions and looking folks in they eye you could be on the spectrum...Autism Spectrum Disorder...you should like at some of the signs/symptoms and see if they fit for you. The symptoms can vary greatly in each individual..... Not saying you have it, but it could help you understand why you've had difficulties making and maintaining relationships.

i dont understand why you hate the thought of rejection.... If you get rejected then those are the sorts of friends that dont suit you in the first place... Why do you imagine they are better than you in order that they can have the authority to reject you?? more like they can't deal with you because you challenge them or their way of life. As for finding friends there must be people out there that share your same interests. I mean theres people into every kind of thing, from ufos to conspiracy theories to computers to stamp collecting from science to art to history to building random crap out of wood, to sports and everything in between. What stuff do you like to do?

I really could be. I haven't ever tried to get it diagnosed. I have a lot of traits. Even if I had it I wouldn't want to use that as an excuse.

Nobody is going to want to hang out with a weirdo like you. You’re the kind of person to ends up killing a tinder date and keeping the body in a freezer for company while the neighbors say, “he kept to himself, would have never have guessed he was a psycho murderer.”

Last Edited by SaveApu on 08/02/2021 07:16 AM

Forget about it. People suck. Adopt a dog.

that's pretty much over with for society.

up next people scoring.

enjoy peons.

ask someone if they wanna grab a beer or something, dont get all nervous because you have no idea how to have a conversation anymore and just bring up things you like or they may like.

That’s one of the saddest things I’ve heard.

No, people reject OP entirely because of things that have to do with him. If someone can’t look me in the eye while talking, I know there’s something wrong with them.

As far as trying to befriend co-workers, that’s a bad idea. OP will likely creep them out, making the work environment as least uncomfortable, and at most, downright hostile. Ever heard the phrase “don’t shit where you eat?” Don’t mix work like and personal life.

It’s better to be rejected by perfection than to be accepted by mediocrity.

That, and perfection doesn’t exist, it’s an illusion or delusion.

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

I have found the best way to develop new friends is by having a shared hobby. You meet in groups and share information, Friends from work are also good, but people can also want to forget work and may see only you that comes out at work. I am in AA so I always have many friends who share a common suffering. My other hobbies are mushroom hunting, birding, gardening, poetry, silent movies and I meet many people with those interests. Also many friends from a Buddhist meditation group, including my husband. I am shy and nervous about my people skills, but if someone really clicks with you shyness won't matter. It can be a fun adventure allowing new people into your life.

Conventions help you meet people if you're shy. Science fiction and Anime ones are good. Gaming are better because you can start hanging out with other gamers. Have you looked at Meetup?

like a movie comedy plot, you decide to step out of your shell just as the lockdown happens! hide in your shell- supertramp.

what are you talking about thats the same thing?

if you are rejected by perfection it means you are probably mediocre

if you are accepted by mediocre then you are where you belong

like a movie comedy plot, you decide to step out of your shell just as the lockdown happens! hide in your shell- supertramp.



Hide in your shell - supertramp
HE ID = WORK E IDE = MARK 15 IN - YOURS Y = WHY ZERO O IN GREEK IS 15 mark 15 YOU R = AR GRACE BY GRACE'S ES IS IN OX / HOUR, HELL/ GRAVE .

Join a group or club if like minded people, go for yourself because you enjoy the subject matter, eventually you will click with someone. This weekend I met someone new at a picnic, I loved her bracelet so I commented on it, that broke the ice and we ended up talking the rest of the day. And the more you do it the more comfortable you become at it.

ive resigned myself to isolation because i found out that im a marked man for it. in some ways ive also forgotten how to have fun with other people or they cant tell im joking with dry humor so it just comes off as condescending, so many conversations now you cant say anything with substance because everyone is walking on eggshells policing their speech constantly. i just throw my hands up to hell with it.

don't bother

people will treat you like shit then you will die

Get vaccinated and show other people your vaccination certificate card, talk to people about what brand of vaccine you took and where you got it, that alone will open for you many doors.

TAKE THE LEAD

Mean people like you suck. You must be one very unhappy shit bag. I hope that you took every vax that you could.

UP THE ARSE!

Another good solution for you is to discuss masks, talk to people about which type of mask you believe to be the most effective and discuss with them in which situations masks should be wore to save lives, this fascinating topic can give you conversation that will last for hours on end creating for you hundreds of new social connections and experiences.

Just ask people questions, it makes conversation easy and you get to learn about other people.

People LOVE to talk about themselves and their lives.

Just be a good listener and people will respond well to you, generally.

^^^THIS!
Over 10 years ago (I'm much older than you OP) I made contact with my long lost childhood friend... I regretted ever making contact. There's a reason we drifted apart. Same about 5 years ago, made contact with a long lost (not talked to in 30 years) friend, I lived to regret it.

Recently, I acquired plenty of new friends, including yet another old friend whom I hadn't seen in 20 years. The same bullshit recurs over & over & over again! Same pattern.

It goes like this: we connect (or reconnect). They can't get enough of me. Why did we drift apart? (Or where have I been all their life, we are so alike-minded etc.) They talk my ear off. It's nonstop emails, jamming my inbox (for some were new online friends) or the RL friends call and yap nonstop for hours. I can't take all that talk, I am overwhelmed but I say nothing by fear of them not being my friend anymore. But I start to think what mess have I got myself into, how can I keep up with so much talk and start missing my alone time. Things were so much quieter, drama-free and simpler.

Then I somehow end up buying them a bunch of gifts, stuff they mention they wanted or they had admired mine etc (I do not loan my stuff... ever. I'll pay for you to have your own but you will not get to touch mine!) They receive the gift, sometimes oceans away, then: utter silence! They don't say thanks, or hardly. They don't email back, nothing. They treat me with disrespect, contempt and like they couldn't care less about me.

I then call or email to see what's up. Complete silence. I just deleted two emails so 3 of those idiots now don't have a way to contact me...ever again! The RL one (reconnect old friend) I got a long text telling me exactly what they done to me... as if I'd done it to them. WTF?? THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS! They yap my ear nonstop, they jam my inbox and I say nothing. I don't have a chance to place a word in edge wise, then they accuse me of taking too much their time and they're done. WTF??

This always happens. The way I see it, fuck them before they fuck you. That's why I deleted emails so now 3 can't contact me. It's so much better to be with my own company. I don't feel lonely at all. The thing that sucks is when I need help but let's face it: these selfish bastards/bishes are takers not givers. They milk me for what I got then split.

Recurs over & over & over & over again. I have NEVER had a friend who cared, who showed compassion, friendship or anything remotely related. Just energy vampires, drainers and takers. That's it.

So OP: my pep talk to you, don't do this to yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Don't get a few friends: get a few hobbies, I did: 0 boredom. I'm always busy doing stuff, time flies by so fast! Just try hard not to need anyone because life isn't a sitcom and people will betray you time and again. Good luck to you!