The hazards of Mountain Dew

Mountain Dew, that wonderful-tasting drink, contains two compounds: caffeine and brominated vegetable oil.

Caffeine, of course, is a stimulant, and Mountain Dew contains relatively a lot of it compared to other soft drinks. Caffeine is short-acting and wears off in a few hours.

Brominated vegetable oil, on the other hand, releases bromine into your bloodstream. Bromine is a central nervous system sedative. Unlike caffiene, however, bromine (or more specifically bromide - bromine tends to form ionic compounds) is long-acting, remaining in the body for 12 days or more.

So: you drink Mountain Dew for the short-term high, but at the same time, you are sedating yourself long term because of the bromine. Which means you will begin to feel more and more tired, which will make you want more Mountain Dew to keep going.

The more Mountain Dew you drink, the more bromine will accumulate in your body, and eventually you will get bromism, which causes acne.

You go to the doctor for the acne. He doesn't test your blood for bromide (only veterinarians do that, for epileptic dogs). Instead, he prescribes antibiotics to counteract the acne outbreak.

The antibiotics kill your gut flora, impairing your digestion. They also kill the natural bacteria in your mouth (and, if you are a woman, in your vagina), leading to fungus infections. So you go back to the doctor again, and he prescribes an antifungal to cure that.

Side effects from the drugs you are now on require more drugs to relieve them. Finally, you are getting more and more sick, and making more and more money for the medico-pharmaceutical industry.

What could be better than that? So swig down that Mountain Dew!