THIS IS WAR!!!!!!

I don't know where you are in relation to Trinity, but he is still there as far as I know. When he bugs out I would be on his heels if I were you.

Good to see you came back Jen! I am glad you did. I also just found out about this story of the gas "leak" that went unreported for 40 days.

[link to galvestondailynews.com]

[link to www.propublica.org]

It is horrifying to hear you got sick.

The dilemma, the challenge of a life time is to work past all the stress and anxiety of seeing the crimes being committed so that your bodies immune system can cope with the environmental stress. If you are stressed then your babies are stressed because they cue off of you.

Spend all your moments bring as much soothing music, fun, and joy into your and their worlds. Eat as much healthy foods as you can.





Last Edited by MotherGoose on 07/06/2010 03:10 PM

i second this^^

Doom has got me in shape, quit drinking beer and lost 15lb`s. Quit smoking cigarettes and I now jog each day.

LMAO,, I`m getting ready

Try as I might... seeing movies, taking them places... it doesn't help. Doesn't help when my little one is sitting in Chuck E Cheese throwing up in a newspaper... for no KNOWN MEDICAL REASON! Yeah, sure. The local clinic here just prescribed liquid tylenol with codeine in it. Never heard of that for a tummy virus, that's nothing. Anyone else? Probably not. Never heard of kids on codeine before. I'm not new at this mommy thing. I'm to the contrary, usually the one with every answer.

I just had a very alarming phone call, of which I've been waiting on for over a month. I won't say names, as if it fucking matters at this point, but I'll keep that to myself, to spare if little else, the pride of another in his system of false belief's he so dearly holds on to, with every fabric of his being, to the point of hanging his "own" out to dry!

I asked the hard questions folks. What I got was this... "I'd be more worried about the flesh eating bacteria in the west end than I would about anything at the well effecting you". To the question of the larger leaking crevasse (not crevice, crevasse is more correct, not a typo)because some people for some reason think that if one misspells one friggin word, it's huge... I MEAN CREVASSE that is 10 miles from the leaking riser pipe. To that question, I got this. "Have you seen the maps hon? The one's that show the oil in color... dark red, gray blue, and light blue"? "Yes", I replied, "what does that have to do with it"? "Well, we're keeping that red all together, and we're doing a good job". "We're working there every day, right there, and when it gets bad... we move out a few miles... then we move back". "We have gas masks, but don't need them, if there were a giant pocket of methane gas under the ocean, we would know". Oh... I'm just stunned. This was not what I expected to hear. I'm saddened, disgusted, I feel frauded, like I'll never trust anyone again. And when asked "what of this massive show of force in China, what of the NATO forces"? answer... "that has nothing to do with what's going on in the gulf".

I got redirected, as if I'm retarded... to the ixtoc oil spill in Mexico in the late 70's. This is not the same, and for those of you that don't understand that, well, just as I didn't today, I'm not going to sit and argue that point. It isn't the same. I felt like I was talking to a politician instead of a trusted family member that is working right at the well. Right at it. And what did I get? Nothing. So there you have it people, nothing is wrong. This sick feeling I get every night that wakes me in the middle of sleeping, then subsides. This feeling when I'm sitting doing nothing, reading, sitting quietly, that overcomes me and feels like my mouth is going numb, where I actively press my lips together over and over so I can feel them, that's nothing. The micro-dots in the rain that I see, that look like tiny bubbles of oil (babyoil flicked off your fingers in a bowl creates the same effect)... that's nothing. It's all good. Suck it in, breathe deep my friends, because it's all in your heads.

"But what of Bhopal, India"? "Oh, not the same, not the same"....

So, if you thought your families would save you, think again. If you thought that the government would tell you the truth, think again. If you thought that you could rely on anything to give you the truth, think again. We're one for one and all for nothing here folks, because everyone has a different agenda, and we don't matter. We are I FEAR awaiting a death sentence here, and I don't know when or how it will come. Of one thing I am sure, the intuition that we feel inside is more reliable of an informant than the most trusted souls with the most advanced technology we have on the planet at their disposal. They are of no use, because there is a power working behind them, that obviously has the power to silence the masses. Two dozen fucking people joined a protest. 24... haha! KUDOS TO YOU! Because you 24 people represented the entire world, and you were the only one with the cajones to get out there and show your distain! Distain for murdering the ocean, and possibly much more.

You put it all together and what do you get? I'll leave that for you to decide, of this I am certain. There is something wicked in the wind. I can feel it. When this all started, I was standing alone outside one night, as I do so many nights, because since the beginning of April, I have felt so alone... I cannot even put into words... and that night, the old movie from childhood came back to me and I thought, as chills went all over me... "something wicked this way comes".

Trinity is in FL... I'm in TX, we're both on the coast.

Jen.. sweet woman, your struggles are heart breaking.

We are talking to you!!

We are listening to you!

We hear your truth and know you are not crazy.

Please connect and feel us out here.

What you desperately need is your close family members to connect with you, I understand that.

I am so sorry you got "the party line" from your relative. I really am.

Got your message today, been a while I know.

The baby was so sick. Nearly lost him on the 29th of July, seemed at the time it didn't matter after a while, what was going on in the world because mine was falling apart. My greatest concern was that whatever was making him sick was directly related to the environment.

Funny thing is that it was, but not in the way I had assumed. The location of the infection is still questionable, but it was a parasite. Which we were told by the first hospital we went to and several doctors that it was not a parasite, that he was having a "difficult summer". They diagnosed it in Houston, and he was on the way to being better within 18 hours. During that time, my car was totaled out. Had to buy the replacement 5 states away, but it was awesome to go north. The higher we got, the more I felt like maybe I was safe. I've never breathed as well. That's what I notice most now.

Countless friends have died recently of heart disease. Things they were never diagnosed with. Seems we've lost about 3 friends since the summer of unexpected "natural causes". My husbands best friend went to pick up a racecar and was staying over in his travel trailer to get the car the next morning, sat up, said "i don't feel good" and died. 44. The day after Christmas, no one saw it coming. Then this week, my daughters close friend's mother, my son's coach from school, just dropped over. They found her early Tuesday when she didn't show for work or answer her calls. Then two weeks before that, my son, who is in 7th grade, his friends dad died as well. A young guy, also a coach for the junior football team. Just died on the field.???

I noticed when I was in West Virginia, that I breathed so well. I noticed after the 3rd day of being gone in August, that I could just finally breathe without coughing or feeling the need to clear my throat all the time. I smoke, yes, but I never noticed anything like that. Last April, just after BP did that massive release, I got sick. Pneumonia, ever since, it's been different. I'm genuinely scared I could possibly get so sick with a respiratory infection that I could die. I try to put things out of my head, but then things like these people just dying, it just doesn't ring true. Don't know what the fuck I can do about it. Seems like everyone has their head in the clouds. You hear constantly about strange shit happening. Massive waves showing up out of no where, the activity in Africa, look at Australia. Then there's here too. The weather is all screwed up. That sun's aweful hot isn't it. ??? Noticed in the latter part of August, jets here are out a lot, guess probably always were, but maybe I didn't pay attention, just seems like the base is awfully active. On clear hot days, the sun feels piercing, then you'll see this little rogue plane, flying in zig zag patterns, leaving the well known little puffs of a trail behind it. But they aren't like they were when we were kids. How you could watch them evaporate from the car window as you were riding down the highway, no... this is a new world. Now, they seem to form a giant grid and fuze together, forming a new, muddy sky. From which you can see the remnants of your beautiful day above it. This is a sky with two layers. One, the first, the day you were supposed to have. Then, just beneath, the muddy sky, seemingly left over by the messenger in his little doom craft.

My world has become very different. Seems I don't really think about where it is I'm going anymore. Seems there just isn't time. There is so much constantly coming at you, that you really don't have time to think much about what it is you're working towards. It's a constant problem for me, so I try to keep a journal, or like now, once in a while, put it all in perspective. Doctors really don't care about us anymore. If you don't have insurance the hospitals will turn you away. I cannot believe the country I live in has come to this. I cannot believe that after the work I thought my forefathers did to ensure I would have a sustainable future, that it has all come down to this. A president that really needs to see what's going on here. That doesn't. Whatever my personal views are towards him, he's in power in a country that he's failing to assist. This bullshit about the unemployment improving??? Just where exactly is that. Because I know a lot of people that have cut back on every single luxury they knew, and are still finding new ways to cut back... when they thought no more existed. Our children are taught by fear mongers in school. They influence children, the self esteem of children. They take a perfectly sound child and turn them into an insecure mess. The coach that died in my area, was taking a mess of pain pills. Why is it that teachers are not scrutinized more carefully? What exactly do we have teaching our children? They are in charge of their care, yet, they are allowed to follow whatever guidelines they decide are suitable. I don't care for a doped up teacher in charge of my children. Not saying that I felt I couldn't trust my daughter's friends mother, but I didn't know that was going on in her life, and may have felt that she should take leave if I did know. After all, if you cannot safely operate an automobile, then how can you safely teach a child? Why is this not known? Why can schools place cameras on our children, but we are not free to roam the halls, if signed in of course, and just randomly check on our children? I have never ever been allowed to go sign in to see my children at school that the teacher did not call ahead of me. Why is that? Do they call ahead to supervise a child, to let the child know they are being watched by say a pricipal? No. Surely they don't. So why are the teacher's afforded a different policy. The thing is that no one really cares. Not really. I could go on and on about the problems I have experienced with Texas schools. It's just overwhelming. The scary thing is that it just goes on and on. When you constantly challege all the disgusting things the teachers engage in. The inappropriate things they do to my children, the other things I see them do to other people's children, the one side of the tale you constantly get, only to have it told to you differently by your child... then when it's addressed, somehow, your child ends up in more trouble, or with failing grades you weren't notified prior of. They can call me up for a meeting because my son was out of his seat, but cannot call me because my son is failing and I need to help him with one thing or another. Then when I do go because he failed, the teacher finds stacks of his work, ungraded in a drawer. Never to be addressed??? Why? So when I ask why, then my son's transferred to alternative education because he "refused to complete an assignment". Which wasn't true. He was sent to in school suspension to make up a test, not for being in trouble, to finish a test. The teacher directed him to sit next to a child that hit him in the head with brass knuckles two years ago, when he was in 5th grade, and he tried to tell the teacher he couldn't sit there, that they had had problems in the past. She told him to go to the office for refusal to do work. He tried to say he wasn't refusing, and was redirected again to go ... to "get out". They sent him to alternative education, which is supposed to be very harsh. Know what he says? He likes it there. He says the ladies there treat him like a human being. How fucking sad. I am his mother. I have a fucking job don't I? My son would rather be in aep because they treat him like a human being. THis is a bright, unbelievably bright, designs green energy plans in a notebook since he was 4. Drew pictures of the twin towers when he was 4, and wrote stories about how we could make the world a better place. The most polite ... charismatic kid you'd ever meet. Suffered loss you could not believe. Lost two sisters when he was 3, took it harder than I did, think that's why I survived. And lets say this too, the person responsible for killing my children did not more than 0 days in jail. An accident. That's all anyone has to say is it was an accident. And I send this wonderful kid off every day to be treated like he is "less than human". What the fuck is going on here people? Who said this was ok. Sorry, I used the word fuck. Sometimes I can think of no other intelligent thing to say.

Somethin's happenin here... what it is aint exactly clear... there's a man with a gun over there... tellin me... I've got to beware. Everybody stop hey what's that sound, everybody look what's goin down....

Where have we gone What is happeing around us? What can we do to stop it, turn it around, make it better? I feel so just damned lost. I'm one of the good one's. I'd damn sure not pass you if I thought I could help you, and I'd never say, "don't get your dirt on me".... hell mama, I don't care if you're dirty or not, if you need my hand, honey take it. I cry for my fellow man, for my neighbor and my friend. Because God game me this wonderful wonderful blessing. This life, these gorgeous children, all entrusted to me. God blessed me with beauty, and I feel like I should not make eye contact half the time because people assume that if you're beautiful, you're a bitch, or a snob, I am not that. I'm not that. I'm the last one that thinks I'm any better. To the contrary, I marvel at all of you, all of the world, on how beautiful each of you are in your own right.

It's not the pain of the fight that frightens me. It's the loss of the ability to forego the confusion and know what to do about any of it. Could someone please tell me what to do?

The phrase Doom, lol, that I think of nearly every night as I lay down... "and darkness lulls".

If it's all going to end, if it's going to fuck up, and it seems like it is... I just wish I knew for sure. I'd sell this house, grab my kids, and take off somewhere where I felt good. Where I felt happy, where they enjoyed and "felt" their life. Where I could run and play and do fun things like build a fort in the sand, and collect sand crabs all day, and find a coconut and crack it open and watch my kids eyes stretch when they saw the inside, and then tasted how great it was. I'd lie around and tell them stories while we braided crowns from grass. I'd search for ruins of a lost time. I'd watch the stars on my back every night. I wish I knew, that there was no future, that there was no reason to try to change any of the outcome that seems to be rushing towards me, because if I knew there was no future, I'd make the rest of the days bright, and I'd greet the unknown with a satisfied heart. With my children close, knowing we were together.

My greatest fear is the last "oh shit"... that my children will not be where I can either see them, or get them close to me. My soul would fight and roam forever searching for them if they were not with me at that last moment, I would never rest. For some reason, I have this thought that ... haha, lol, yes, the thought, that I am different. That somehow, my soul is stronger than everyone elses, that somehow, I'm made for a "reason"... dillusions of granduer. I suppose. But I do. I believe that if I were to die like that, that I would just wander forever searching for them. I cannot stand the thought of dying in a massive global event, and them being without me. That frightens me more than anything.

Well, I hope everyone's doing great. Off to my day, whatever that means!