Letter from the Global Elite

Dear Brainwashed Slaves,

As you all know, We are in deep crisis. We are under constant attack from Al"CIA"da, the Swine Flu is rampantly killing 10's of people, and the Earth is warming at an alarming rate.

We need your help.

If you could please give up all of those rights you hold so dearly, it would really help us to fight Al"CIA"Da. The more rights you give up, the easier it is to prevent attacks from terrorists. And If you could so kindly quit clinging that "Fascist" Constitution, we would have the war on terror licked, as the Constitution is a the biggest ally a terrorist has. Without the Constitution, Al"CIA"Da can and will be defeated.

As we all know, H1N1 is a very dangerous Flu that has claimed the lives of 16 people world wide. Because of the widespread death and destruction caused by H1N1, we are updating the Pandemic status to the highest level and will be forcing you to take vaccinations to fight against this terrible plague. Please, line up and trust us...we're here to help. If anyone you know tries to resist the vaccines, please, be a Good American, report them to the proper authorities for reeducation.

Are you doing your part to live "Green?" If you would please, pay some extra taxes (we'll call them Carbon Taxes), the earth will stop warming. It's that simple, pay taxes and the Earth cools. It's your fault the Earth's climate is changing anyway. It has nothing to do with the sun...or anything like that. If you could just stop breathing (or pay carbon taxes...your choice), we'd be doing a lot better, I promise. If you own cows or other livestock, please be so kind as to pay some "extra" carbon taxes, because they breath too...and fart...all increasing the Earth's temperature, thus killing it.

Over the next 50-70 years as we exterminate most of you, we're going to want the Earth to be nice. So stop ruining it for us. You are breathing our air, so let's have those Carbon Taxes. Never mind that we own gas guzzling jets, yachts, cars, and homes. Never mind the Nuclear Weapons we're making. Their existence, as well as the process in which we come by them, is perfectly environmentally friendly. But I'm afraid that 'you' breathing, driving, and procreating...not so much.

We appreciate that you stay ignorant, and allow us to have the power we have. We couldn't do it without you.

Thank you for being our slaves,

The Global Elite

Last Edited by TurnOffYourTV on 08/11/2009 11:53 AM