Dear Nrg, new Grand-daddy,

I saw your tender post on Divinity's Lightworkers thread today ~ about how the past two days you've felt all your karma coming 'round and slapping you in the face and heart... I hear you.

I am typing through floods of tears... me, who NEVER cries. I got a CD from "Celtic Woman" today, and I keep playing the song "Caledonia" over and over.

My beloved Patrick, my late Irish red-headed, red-bearded husband whose family was from County Cork and Dublin ~ he hated the song "Danny Boy", and he never wanted it played over his grave.

Once he told me a thousand times, "My favorite song is Caledonia." And, "If we ever have a daughter together, can we name her Caledonia?" "Will that be okay"? Okay? "YES, a million times "yes"... I screamed from the heavens ~ and the daughter never came... not to us, not for us. Life happens that way some times.

He died at 52 (I was 42)... 22 years ago. And only this year, on public tv, my Magi and I heard "Celtic Woman" sing... "Caledonia" ~ "Caledonia has been the only thing I have ever had".

Caledonia. Paddy and me. I was his Caledonia. I was the only thing he ever loved, the only thing he ever had. Now I have heard the words of his beloved "Caledonia" and now, after all these years of held-back grief too deep for tears... I cannot stop the flood of loving and remembering him.

Magi in the other room says, "It is okay. I would have liked him. You must have loved him very much."

Play it again, Sam. Play it as much as you need. Caledonia, my beloved Patrick, I will always love you ~ but I know something now: You belong to God, and you belong to Caledonia... that Shambala in your heart and eternal soul.

My Magi, who could and would have been your brother, is with me now, just as you predicted, in the last day before you died, when you were in the twilight zone between worlds.

Paddy you said, "Always remember that I love you. Always remember Caledonia. I have to go now. You have work to do. If I don't go, you love me too much. You won't do the work."

The work is what my beloved Magi and I do for God... joined in holy connunctio... a sacred marriage that is a *trinity*... God, Magi, and me...

And Patrick softly singing "Caledonia"... reaching down, over, and up, lifting someone up... helping someone... anyone ~ just like he always did.

Caledonia, my beloved Patrick. Caledonia is the only thing I have ever had.

Wasayo