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Message Subject What's your earliest traumatic memory?
Poster Handle Anonymous Coward
Post Content
I had the same recurring nightmare from as far as I can remember until age 5 or 6. Every single night the same fucking nightmare about 3 demonic witches with long teeth hovering above the floor chasing me down the hallway and up the stairs, a sort of like "the Shining" type of deal. I was unable to scream for help (mute) and when I reached the attic of my house, the caught me and then nightmare ended just before they could kill me. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. YEARS on end in the most important years of a child's life.

Then my miserably incompetent parents at the same time got so desperate to get me to go to sleep (so they could fuck and watch TV unhindered) when I was mortified to fall asleep, constantly getting back up and going back down the stairs crying. They never asked me what was wrong, they just started abusing me immediately.
My fucking autistic piece of shit father had no better idea than repeatedly dragging me down the cellar stairs by my hair to physically abuse me there in the dark, beating me, pulling my hair, ears, shaking me to kingdom come ... If it wasn't the cellar, then he pulled me up the stairs to the attic to abuse some more over there or just lock me up in it.

One day, the nightmares just stopped. I can even crystal clearly remember what the end "scene" was, how the witches looked different and everything.

I've been bullied all my life, ruthlessly, relentlessly, from primary school up until the 4th year of High School because of multiple reasons. My grandfather was a big wig politician and I had hair that was as blonde as straw.

Nobody of the staff gave a flying fuck, neither did my parents really because I didn't really mean anything to them. (I still don't and I'm still being used as a sort of house slave to do the shit they don't feel like doing or are to fat and old to do.)
It was pure terror. All I got was to hope the day would end quickly and then I could only do homework. We never travelled, even had family days out, I wasn't allowed any pets etc. etc.

I finished high school top of my year and then in the second year of university had a mental breakdown, a morbidly suicidal depression with subsequent attempts. I can't say I ever recovered. I'm a fucking mess. A kind hearted person with nothing but the will to please, but completely rejected by anything and everything, suffering from PTSD that gets me into trouble every time a sick fuck or cunt has found someone to victimize in me. I swear to Christ, it's like the devil and all of his demons are after me non-stop. No matter how hard I pray, ask for forgiveness, try my absolute best to get myself together in the best manner fully committed to all I do, I fail ... I fail ... I fail and fail and trouble finds me. Then my fucking lid flips off and I become a raging beast, like a cornered animal trying to defend itself for dear life.

I'm scared shitless right now for things that happened these past two days to me. It's insane what I went through without provoking anyone and just being forced into defending myself.
 
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