More than 50 years ago, I could be described as HUMANISTIC. I believed in a higher power because of certain experiences in my childhood (such as the dream at 4 years old). However, I had NO belief in "minor gods" such as what Jesus represented to me. Because of my experiences in the Catholic church as a child, seeing the result of two brothers being molested, and a variety of other things, I had NO BELIEF whatsoever in Christianity. I became HOSTILE to anyone trying to talk to me about RELIGION.

Because of my belief in a higher power, I began a life-long search for who (and what) it was. I have literally studied every religion seeking for that higher power. I could not find Him/IT ANYWHERE. I exhausted every material in the libraries, read entire encyclopedias, and asked as many questions of others as I could.

I could write a great deal as to how I eventually came to an understanding of the truth (as I Knew it at the time). Suffice it to say at this time, that when I finally discovered (to my own understanding at least) that Jesus WAS the ACTUAL higher power I was looking for. I was in deep shock because of this. For the first time, I KNEW what was required of me. A deep feeling of hopelessness came over me. I knew that I could never become what was required of me. Even in spite of the FACT in my mind that I was LOST and would never be able to become what was required, I also knew that I could never deny HIM to anyone else that I ever came into contact with. I also knew that there was NOTHING I could do to ever earn "life eternal". I was resigned to becoming a "Christian" without ever being able to say that I had "attained".

It took seven years of my life to realize that all that was preventing me from becoming a true Christian--had been REMOVED from my life without any input of my own--other than "preaching the gospel" to those who still had hope.