Hypothetical- you see an ebola monkey, your only weapon is whatever is directly to your left.

Nothing cleanses like a good fire then.

Never hurts to change things up a bit every now and then..

an HP OfficeJet 5258 printer, energy star rated

that'll take the little bastard out

Ruger p85 on my night stand with 17 round mag, also a 32 round extended mag for the fuck of it and some coasters my wife made

An X-Box remote & my phone which is at least in a heavy Otterbox case. Sounds like I'm screwed.

As with another poster, too bad it's not right. That would be a 38.

An antique kerosine lamp and a large, heavy glass flower vase.

Side table, table lamp, coaster.

Classic green Stanely vacuum coffee thermos.
Super Dad ceramic mug
Small, 1 foot long survival ax- w/ handle wrapped in parachute cord.
Computer monitor.

Piece is 25 feet away- seems so far now.

Stainless steel Yeti. One swift shot to the base of the head and the thing is dead AF

Large toe nail clippers.

Left: Buck Woodsman Nice
Right: Can of brew

Thank you for saying left. Cross draw!

shove them in the underground cellar with the chained up lepers, until i figure out what to do?

Fandangos, we ride!

A sick chicken and ceramic heater, which i would promptly throw at its head.

No damn monkey is gonna hurt my chicken!

Forgot about left fist and right fist. You win :D

Pillow and cell phone. Smother it and take a pic... or it didn't happen.

Last Edited by PaisleyWolf on 01/24/2022 03:20 PM

Beer....I would crush mine and tell my new monkey friend to go grab us two more from the fridge.

You're gonna go Ramsey Bolton on that monkey.

My 100 lb German Shepherd. Get em Red Dog!

A lot of people probably GLP while sitting on the potty. Lol.

It's the energy star rated that really puts your comment over the top. Lol!

Solidbody guitar, and use the strings to tie him up or more if necessary.

What are the coasters made out of? If ceramic, you can throw them like those Chinese star things. Lol.

A 36 inch cat tree with an attack cat on it.

For some odd reason I too have a lint roller to my left. But there is also a pair of bypass pruners and an Ace Hardware box knife. So I'm good up close, which isn't good.

My hubby, thank God. I'll just sit here and watch the show.

Yes, on my desk, my ozark trail cooler is unzipped and I have a pink lady apple and dried cranberries to distract it with then brain him with my 3 paper tray bin tps report doohickey or my stanley water filled thermos.
i'd kill him by boring him to death.

A hair tie and a vape pen. You can be honest with me.... I'm screwed aren't I

My laptop. No way I am chucking that at it, it might use it to learn and then take over the world.

15 lbs bronze eagle statue smash smash smmmmaaashhh

Maybe not... those vape pens do explode sometimes

Could make a nice little grenade