Hypothetical- you see an ebola monkey, your only weapon is whatever is directly to your left.

.38 SPL & 9mm...and a jar of coins...

The head of an AC, skull-fucked blind, ready to bowl.

Oh no! My oversized dildo!
(Quoting leftist Antifa liberal male)

Glock 26 left pocket, 2 spare 15 round mags jacket pocket. The monkeys gonna die. Then I'm gonna walk upstairs use sanitizer wipes shave my stubble put on my gas mask and *redacted* and *redacted*.

a bowl of pears - I am monkey toast

Although I might be able to tempt them to not bite me with their ebola teeth - the pears may lull them into a sense of security while I trap them under the bin (weighted down ) and run

Too much splatter. You need to keep the splatter to a minimum

Peppa Pig camper. Guess I’m screwed.

Only thing to my left is my cat and a throw blanket

Or get shwifty with it....

You know... improvised.... aerosol.... explodey thing...



Sorry feds im trying not to sound sketchy but the recommended course of action, AS STATED in fandango code of conduct, subsection 69420 CLEARLY STATES THAT IN THE EVENT OF AN IMMINENT ATTACK BY AN INFECTIOUS BELLIGERENT SIMIAN



AN EXPLODEY-THING CAN AND MAY BE USED TO PROTECT GOD AND COUNTRY SO LONG AS

NOT WITHSTANDING

THAT BE A BOTTLE OF A1 STEAK SAUCE
OR
GROCERY BRAND WORSTERSHIRE SAUCE

THOSE BEING PROTECTED BY FANDANGO CODE OF ETHICS, GENERAL STATUTE.

Holy shit, I am GOLDEN, boys!

1. Can of butane and lighter (weapon).
2. Metal colander (armor).
3. Giant screeching cockatoo of doom (for the final boss fight)!

I got this!



ETA - this is 100% true!

Last Edited by Only Me on 01/24/2022 11:54 AM

Printer to my left, iron fireplace poker to my right. I believe I'll cheat.

A 1 yr old and a pillow. Don’t know what good that will do.

Last Edited by SafeandSound on 01/24/2022 11:54 AM

Sig Sauer M18 I just finished putting together.

air purifier

A keyboard, a box of Kleenex and a charging station. I,d beat that f**king monkey with the keyboard!

a bottle of zinc, a bottle of welchol, and a pen. hmm. I'm screwed.

Camden NJ?

No direct offense but, pretty immature post. Just saying.

Lighten up, Francis!

looks like I open my window and jump out.

Four pretty hefty booms for lighting and one for a camera.

They could totally be used as weapons. lol

paw patrol lunchbag. Of all the days to bring the tot to work with me. Well, maybe he is hungry and can be distracted by a fruit by the foot

Car keys, water bottle, karambit folder.

SQUISH & go to car wash.

they'll eat em.

Machete, in arms reach.

my left ?

bye honey, it’s been a great 25 years of marriage.

Oh, I don't know how this is gonna help me? I've got a pile of used tissues directly to my left. Day 6 of the "virus" and congestion isn't gone. I guess I could plug up it's bodily orifices with covid tissues. Other than that I've got a vape pen. I could get it stoned before I stuff it with used tissues.

If you'd said to my right then I have a couple of firearm choices that'd fix it right up. Those sit by the door.
We've had coyotes attack the dogs a couple times. So...guns help.

Last Edited by Thorbulla on 01/24/2022 12:23 PM

half empty quart of vodka (glass) bottle...might be a decent monkey club... the 357 is on my right!