Hate speech

Why is it that some people say things under their breath? Or even worse say the most vulgar of insults in front of others? And they keep going on saying rude inappropriate frankly wrong things? How is it to be addressed in a manner that doesn't seem defiant or on the same level as them? How is it ok for the communication to be so lacking in integrity full of assumptions? How do u respond? I give up im too old to be needy and tired of accusations. So I let it go until one day I hope it clickkss? Am I wrong g?