How do you get rid of a man? | |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 11:36 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hey OP... Quoting: Bodhi Sita Do what you need for your kids. Don't lie. Don't manipulate. Seek solutions to work from home...the world climate is supporting that right now. Learn a skill...or work on something you already know how to do. 12 years in and I can guess yur MO is enabler and helper. Help yourself. Enable yourself. Turn that inward and towards your kids. Thank you. Welcome! Also, I read that he reads the bible? NA might be good for him..I have known a couple people who it really saved. Praying for your family. |
lin318
User ID: 80790735 United States 08/26/2021 11:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
The Dr.
User ID: 80782780 United States 08/26/2021 11:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Tried all the above. Nothing works, not even the legal action memtioned. Quoting: SallyValentine Been living together 12 years. I've left at least 5 times, maybe more, cuz of his addiction. He cleans up, I come back, he gets dirty again. I've run out of compassion. And I don't want to leave anymore, i don't even have the means to leave, he should leave but won't. Have you thought about a nice glp guy? I've had only bad luck with any guys. Go ahead, glp, hit me with some ugly truth, can't make me feel worse than I already do. Time to assess why you choose those type of Guys. Probably they fit your lifestyle or the way you think of yourself( self worth) or reflect daddy issues. Not Judging, just saying you need to find the root cause and change your life. As for getting rid of him, ever tried the religious route? Start going to a good Church and keep on him to join you there. Not a going to church once a week thing, but every time the doors are open(at least twice a week) and /or a home bible study meeting. That will either change your life and or his life. If you follow through with it, you might even meet a nice guy at church. “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.” ~ Benjamin Franklin |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 11:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Tried all the above. Nothing works, not even the legal action memtioned. Quoting: SallyValentine Been living together 12 years. I've left at least 5 times, maybe more, cuz of his addiction. He cleans up, I come back, he gets dirty again. I've run out of compassion. And I don't want to leave anymore, i don't even have the means to leave, he should leave but won't. Have you thought about a nice glp guy? I've had only bad luck with any guys. Go ahead, glp, hit me with some ugly truth, can't make me feel worse than I already do. Time to assess why you choose those type of Guys. Probably they fit your lifestyle or the way you think of yourself( self worth) or reflect daddy issues. Not Judging, just saying you need to find the root cause and change your life. As for getting rid of him, ever tried the religious route? Start going to a good Church and keep on him to join you there. Not a going to church once a week thing, but every time the doors are open(at least twice a week) and /or a home bible study meeting. That will either change your life and or his life. If you follow through with it, you might even meet a nice guy at church. That sounds like good advice. As for the root cause, i do believe it's a self worth issue for whatever reason. But even if that is the case, i'm not sold on the theory that being with him is a "mistake", even tho i often think it is. What i mean is, even if we got together because of our dysfunctions, we did get together, we have a famiky, we are a family. A very dysfunctional and messed up family, but is it right to chuck it? Or is it right to fix it? I know we would both prefer to fix it, but we're like, too retarded to figure out how. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 12:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Is it true that the troubles we run into in our relationships are for the purpose of shining a light on something we need to fix or learn about ourselves? It makes sense. I'm struggling to find what i'm supposed to be learning or fixing. I'm not the kind of girl who is afraid to be alone, in fact i've always done better financially and otherwise when single. (In my case, sinle has always meant single parent as i had my oldest when i was 17.) What does that mean? Anyone got any insight? Last Edited by SallyValentine on 08/26/2021 12:18 PM |
Floater
User ID: 80590787 United States 08/26/2021 01:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | First thing is to get legalities in order. After years together you may be a common law wife. Arrange for legal aid to help you with a legal separation and a restraining order. Get your self in order emotionally and stop talking to him about it. When legal papers are ready to be served set up the plan for him to be served with you out of the house. Before service get him out of the house. When he leaves pack his stuff. Put his stuff outside. As you are packing him get the locks changed. Leave!! He will be served separation paperwork or restraining order while you are gone so notify the agency responsible for it. If he doesn't leave call the police and state you have this paperwork. Police will show up and they will escort him away from you. Use your words. Write out a power speech and practice saying it until you can recite it without getting upset or emotional. If he wants to talk recite the speech and end the conversation. Say what you have to say to him then walk away. No further engagement. Anytime he tries to talk or argue recite the speech. This is taking back your power and the beginning of your healing from codependency. Good luck. He isn't the one for you. It is your responsibility to end it! |
Floater
User ID: 80590787 United States 08/26/2021 01:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I kept trying to fix it. I realized I can only fix myself. The advice on church is wonderful. Follow through there. Also find a codependency support group. Keep busy and stay away from him. You can't fix him. You can only take care of yourself and your issues. If he was going to change, he already would have. You have a family, demonstrate healing and healthy behavior and they will learn. Then they have a chance to have healthy relationships instead of continuing this pattern of dysfunction. Good luck |
Possum70
User ID: 80220838 United States 08/26/2021 01:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 01:21 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I kept trying to fix it. I realized I can only fix myself. The advice on church is wonderful. Follow through there. Also find a codependency support group. Keep busy and stay away from him. You can't fix him. You can only take care of yourself and your issues. If he was going to change, he already would have. Quoting: Floater You have a family, demonstrate healing and healthy behavior and they will learn. Then they have a chance to have healthy relationships instead of continuing this pattern of dysfunction. Good luck Thank you. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 01:23 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | a) shut off the pussy Quoting: Possum70 b) bang one of his friends c) humiliate and/or embarrass him publicly or to friends/family. d) viola! Oh, I haven't tried "c", but yuk. Oh ok. Guess you two lovebirds are just stuck together forever then. Enjoy. Haha IT WAS A TYPO!! |
Red John
User ID: 40631876 Canada 08/26/2021 01:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | with fentanyl in his pipe :pixie: General Failure Reading Drive A: Who is General Failure? There can be Only One Team Swirl Swirl Nation instead of red, post in the thread, then I can respond. [link to qz.com (secure)] |
Red John
User ID: 40631876 Canada 08/26/2021 01:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | bad gateway made double post Last Edited by Red John on 08/26/2021 01:41 PM :pixie: General Failure Reading Drive A: Who is General Failure? There can be Only One Team Swirl Swirl Nation instead of red, post in the thread, then I can respond. [link to qz.com (secure)] |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 75428781 United States 08/26/2021 01:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 02:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
FeralOne
User ID: 80786329 United States 08/26/2021 02:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | a) shut off the pussy Quoting: Possum70 b) bang one of his friends c) humiliate and/or embarrass him publicly or to friends/family. d) viola! Oh, I haven't tried "c", but yuk. Damn girl you fucked one of his friends? and he's still there? I'd be dead...and I've done all but that.....and not humiliate but just tell the truth cause he does not to them... If you hang out publicly, stay over and fuck another guy and let it be known that you're serious with him, almost any guy will leave - you're humiliating him and ruining his reputation. If it was his house he would throw you out. If it's yours, you can do the same - if he doesn't leave. Men don't take hints - we can't even notice them. Anything short of "I hate your guts and want you out of here today" simply won't be noticed. If you can hook him up with another vagina, that will help, as long as he knows he's never wanted back and your body belongs to another. Never ever send mixed signals. That's not how women are wired, but men need to hear only a congruent clear message. |
Bikeride
User ID: 80514643 United States 08/26/2021 02:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Joe Nemo
User ID: 77533057 United States 08/26/2021 02:17 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 02:20 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | a) shut off the pussy Quoting: Possum70 b) bang one of his friends c) humiliate and/or embarrass him publicly or to friends/family. d) viola! Oh, I haven't tried "c", but yuk. Damn girl you fucked one of his friends? and he's still there? I'd be dead...and I've done all but that.....and not humiliate but just tell the truth cause he does not to them... If you hang out publicly, stay over and fuck another guy and let it be known that you're serious with him, almost any guy will leave - you're humiliating him and ruining his reputation. If it was his house he would throw you out. If it's yours, you can do the same - if he doesn't leave. Men don't take hints - we can't even notice them. Anything short of "I hate your guts and want you out of here today" simply won't be noticed. If you can hook him up with another vagina, that will help, as long as he knows he's never wanted back and your body belongs to another. Never ever send mixed signals. That's not how women are wired, but men need to hear only a congruent clear message. He asked me a couple days ago, unprovoked, if he should go be with another woman. I said yes. He said, no, i don't want to do that. I tell him often that i hate him and want him to leave. He tells me he knows me better than that. I HAVE NOT messed with any of his friends, that was a typo, and i'm not gonna do that just to get rid of him. I don't even think it would work. When he grabs my ass as he walks by, i elbow him in the gut and tell him don't touch me. I give him no affection or anything. I think i'm being clear. |
Bikeride
User ID: 80514643 United States 08/26/2021 02:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Seriously, how? If he won't leave even though you've made it clear time and time again that you don't want him to stay? Quoting: SallyValentine easy. there are MANY things you can do to inspire him to leave in a big hurry 1. Eat lots of garlic and onions 2. burp and fart in his presence, especially in front of his friends 3. light a cigarette and blow smoke in his face 4. tell him you're a lesbian and flirt with a girl in front of him to make him believe it 5. next time he wants to make a date with you, tell him you have an OB/GYN appointment 6. repeatedly use the old tried and true "I HAVE A HEADACHE" or "IT'S MY TIME OF THE MONTH" line 7. next time he calls and tells you he's coming over, put on nun's clothing and tell him you joined the order ...and I could think of TONS of more good stuff |
lin318
User ID: 80790735 United States 08/26/2021 03:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
G650..Driver
User ID: 80792438 United States 08/26/2021 03:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Giordano Bruno
User ID: 79266627 United States 08/26/2021 03:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
HarshingMyMellow
User ID: 77326027 United States 08/26/2021 05:15 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When my first husband refused to leave, I told him he was dead to me. From that moment forward, I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't look at him or hear him. After three days, he cried and told me he would leave if I would just look at him. I looked at him and said what? He said something and I told him now to get out and he did. ========================== Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. |
SomeRandomPerson
User ID: 79771883 United States 08/26/2021 05:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Seriously, how? If he won't leave even though you've made it clear time and time again that you don't want him to stay? Quoting: SallyValentine I believe in science NOT religion. Giving me bad karma for that, is anti-religious (you're passing judgement) I am just a man. Of no significance. Who found religion to be full of lies, and wrong doing, conflicted teachings I understand microwave communications. I do not stand for the NWO, it sucks. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 05:59 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When my first husband refused to leave, I told him he was dead to me. Quoting: HarshingMyMellow From that moment forward, I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't look at him or hear him. After three days, he cried and told me he would leave if I would just look at him. I looked at him and said what? He said something and I told him now to get out and he did. He sounds like a different kind of animal from the one i'm dealing with. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 06:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When my first husband refused to leave, I told him he was dead to me. Quoting: HarshingMyMellow From that moment forward, I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't look at him or hear him. After three days, he cried and told me he would leave if I would just look at him. I looked at him and said what? He said something and I told him now to get out and he did. He sounds like a different kind of animal from the one i'm dealing with. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 06:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When my first husband refused to leave, I told him he was dead to me. Quoting: HarshingMyMellow From that moment forward, I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't look at him or hear him. After three days, he cried and told me he would leave if I would just look at him. I looked at him and said what? He said something and I told him now to get out and he did. He sounds like a different kind of animal from the one i'm dealing with. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 06:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When my first husband refused to leave, I told him he was dead to me. Quoting: HarshingMyMellow From that moment forward, I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't look at him or hear him. After three days, he cried and told me he would leave if I would just look at him. I looked at him and said what? He said something and I told him now to get out and he did. He sounds like a different kind of animal from the one i'm dealing with. |
SallyValentine
(OP) User ID: 79601558 United States 08/26/2021 06:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When my first husband refused to leave, I told him he was dead to me. Quoting: HarshingMyMellow From that moment forward, I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't look at him or hear him. After three days, he cried and told me he would leave if I would just look at him. I looked at him and said what? He said something and I told him now to get out and he did. He sounds like a different kind of animal from the one i'm dealing with. |
FeralOne
User ID: 80786329 United States 08/26/2021 06:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Damn girl you fucked one of his friends? and he's still there? I'd be dead...and I've done all but that.....and not humiliate but just tell the truth cause he does not to them... If you hang out publicly, stay over and fuck another guy and let it be known that you're serious with him, almost any guy will leave - you're humiliating him and ruining his reputation. If it was his house he would throw you out. If it's yours, you can do the same - if he doesn't leave. Men don't take hints - we can't even notice them. Anything short of "I hate your guts and want you out of here today" simply won't be noticed. If you can hook him up with another vagina, that will help, as long as he knows he's never wanted back and your body belongs to another. Never ever send mixed signals. That's not how women are wired, but men need to hear only a congruent clear message. He asked me a couple days ago, unprovoked, if he should go be with another woman. I said yes. He said, no, i don't want to do that. I tell him often that i hate him and want him to leave. He tells me he knows me better than that. I HAVE NOT messed with any of his friends, that was a typo, and i'm not gonna do that just to get rid of him. I don't even think it would work. When he grabs my ass as he walks by, i elbow him in the gut and tell him don't touch me. I give him no affection or anything. I think i'm being clear. You're not being clear at all! Find a guy you like, bring him home, have dinner, watch a movie, and have him sleeping with you in your bed. Do that until the guy you don't want leaves. Tell him you'll call the cops if he touches you. If that happens, do so. Tell the cops that you've told him to leave and he won't. Keep this up until either he leaves or gets arrested. You might even like the new guy or guys. If all else fails, marry someone else. |