Never felt so alone, nor have I ever wanted to be so...

Please read this for maybe you feel similarly to me and we can learn together.

I am nearly 29 years old. I am responsible for myself, my decisions and surroundings.

Let me just start by stating those facts.

Now let me explain where I've seen this life go, and where it is heading...

Born in 1992, there were race riots actively occurring from the moment I entered the world. Black Hawk Down. Hurricane Andrew.

America was already all but lost, fallen into the exact malicious hands warned about by our founders, John F Kennedy and even Ronald Reagan. We had gone from George HW Bush to Bill Clinton, the very beginning of the snowball of effects that would come for the next almost 30 years.

As a child, I recall the wonder of the coming technological era. It was in everything. Every form of media, art, music, clothing... Everyone was for the most part embracing and in awe of novelty. Very similar to the 80's, the 90's were the last bastion of the American dream, for better or worse.

It was a wonderful time for me, even though in reality, very bad things were happening in the world already and in my own life. My youth allowed me to remain mostly ignorant of the world. I wasn't yet hardened and desensitized.

The music was fantastic, videogames went from 8 to 16, to 32 and even 64 bit in very short order, from 2D to 3D, tv was captivating, malls weren't just shops, there were still heavily used arcades, cars were badass still, most of our time was spent outside... I could go on and on and on but basically what I'm saying is my childhood, whilst extremely turbulent, I am very lucky to say took place in a relatively novel, prosperous and happy time.

Then, in 2001, 911 happened.

I can't lie... I'm still traumatized by that day, like I've never moved past the shock and ongoing implications ever since.

In September, it has been 20 years.

When it occurred, I was 9 years old.
I remember it like it was yesterday.

From that event forward, it has been an ever quickening spiral into despair and destruction.

I am very lucky to have had moral posts in my life. They are all mostly deceased by now, but they had their hand in forming who I am today.

I don't want this to be all about me, so I'll hurry it along to where we are now.

When I graduated high school, with honors and with an already accepted application to several major universities, something was telling me to stay far away. I purposely chose a smaller university, Purdue, and even switched to IU after my first semester. I could have gone to almost any ivy league school even, if not for monetary restrictions (and I'm white). Something was telling me to stay away.

I recently looked back at my days in University and I was disgusted and rather flabbergasted. I was being pushed hard into marxism and extremism without even the slightest inclination. I am truly appalled by the amount of social justice and marxism that was being pushed then, but that brings us forward...

I feel as if I've escaped hell already and now must feel pain and sorrow as punishment for what my people have done and have ALLOWED to be done. I had a true Awakening, an aha moment in which I realized it would be foolish to turn a bind eye to the coming destruction and to carry about things as usual. To have false optimism only to be let down.

Not that it is my own doing, atonement comes through true repentance and the letting go of the push in this world.

I've no friends. No money. Nothing to my name but some "artifacts" and a dog I love very much. My cousin means a lot to me and he and I for the past nearly 10 years have helped to build each other up and stayed awake... But there comes a time for a fork in the road, where everyone makes their decisions and you cannot stop them, just as you would not like for them to infringe on you.

What we've made work we are far beyond the halfway point of. He has decided to marry and no matter what I feel of that situation, he has to make his own decisions about that one and I wish him the best of luck. I can see it may take heart break, divorce and such for him to come to the level of wisdom I have via other experiences. But, that's on him.

Which brings me to today.

Last Edited by eyeDR3 on 04/21/2021 07:01 PM