SEEKING: business/life/Psychological advice

After reading the business start up thread, Im reaching out pertaining to computer repair start up. (I did not want to hijack the thread with this long ass message.)

My actual work background, I'm a crew leader for my city in texas and do sewer / water main repairs.
I've been into tech very early on, but was told my entire life that it's only for kids.

  I can fix software with a blindfold. Not really but I'm proficient.
And some hardware as well. I don't have a an ultrasonic cleaner on hand so board repair is off the table for at least a month untill I can afford one.

Long term:
What can I do to get into the advanced scientific fields in leu of a degree. Or is their any way to earn credentials to gain employment by bypassing the college's gatekeeping. College is off the table if it puts me into major debt. Tcc is super close (community College) don't know anything when it comes to loans and grants that don't have to paid back.
I'm in the dfw area if that helps.


Im 28 live on my own. Have a motorcycle for easy house call.
No distractions. (And I mean no women) lol
Just full concentration,
I'm fit and easy on the eyes And very sociable. I find i can relax the most around older individuals as I generally feel comfortable as I grew up with my now 75 year old grandparents and was taught manners and respect get you the farthest.

My issue is mental.
Not medical just psychological.
Sadly I have yet to take a leap..
I fight myself on how I should spend my time.
I'm ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. 
Someone asked me what do I want to do.
Honestly...I want to get into particle physics. 
Mind you,  everything im doing is on my own.  I'm a high school drop out.  I was one of 15 white people in my high school.
Litteral race wars between Mexicans and blacks. Funny.  Rule was white people could chose a side or stay out of it. Lol
Anyways.  My grandparents had me on school shooter meds and I won't go into detail. Let's just say guys.. I fought a level of evil and torment some may never understand.
All because my teacher said nicely I don't sit down and shut up.  After 6th grade the meds started. And I didn't get out of that until I turned 18 and left with no where to go. 
I want to share.. the meds did so much to destroy me. My anger was amplified so much... that I would have murderous thoughts towards my grandparents and all I could do was cry in fetal position for hours.  Suicide was apart of it. I cried because I love my grandparents. And at 14 I couldn't convince them what the constantly changing meds are doing. All they seen or heard was a kid who's angry and thinks they know better then a doctor.
Its been almost 10 years and I can finally put all that off my shoulder, and amended everything with my grandparents by being able to explain myself. And they have apologized.  As they just trusted the doctor.

Their from the 50s mind you.  Without the age of information. Lack of big pharmas expansion. You had to trust your doctor.

My reason for sharing this is simple.

I've struggled all my life.  Felt like nobody.  But have this ambition burning...literally eating me up inside.  It never stops. But it's like I'm a prison to my mind.  Stuck in thoughts. 
Overwhelming then come distractions.
Like a software issue between my mind and actually physically bring it into being.

I don't care if I fail.  Because I've been failing all my life.
Any advice glp. I'd really appreciate it.