the scars requiem

the tears come from voices I have never met but feel so close.  As if just for a moment along the horizon of my foggy shore I could almost see a hand...but when I grasped it
It scattered like daffodils
But when my cheek stung
I heard my shore hum like a blue whale
I looked into my endless seats white waves
But then I heard it loud above

I'm not crying because I am sad, but because that strong but gentle hope doesn't impose or fade. It only remains, and  over the days, but never blinked.
What is it looking at me for though? Does it want me to stare into the dark of the dense oaks of the hills or the shine low of the stars?

I felt guilty though as the candle burned out. I had always anthropomorphized things , somehow never outgrown little lights
Fire was the closest to life
In the endless night
Tears that would not stop. Could not be the whale song
The tears are frozen
The whales are gone
The black sky may become a blizzard soon
But a day would never dawn and melt the ice steins
Or fade the ugly scars in an umbra
A solar stich
But time had ended
Every sun dies
But immortals live on
Until this cold world froze her
She lived on , in an ambient hallucination
Of whale song
It stung like a bee with a syringe stinger
The tears spring up and they don't feel like they will ever stop

So what is in this small screen of dreamy tears and a flickering pincushion heart?
This candle was the last vigil
It bore through her with a tiny orange eye
As if it knew as it bubbled down
I may not take the torch of hope
A mantle I'd never want
But as
The orange eye beseeched me
I remembered our sun for just a hiss and puff
My last little light went out


"I will sit on the starry rock, little candle" , I whispered to the cold wax puddle
"But I will not wait and dream of warmth
Or apples from plants - billions! They thrived
Better than I.
I won't hope for dawn until the planet is ice
And be a crystal sculpture in absolute zero
Smiling there as if I ..."

"But" what?
My scars had become ice  at the weak new skin
It glowed and twinkled grimly
"I can daydream it will save me...
Before my blood is frozen
In the grim white sky
Yellow crack daybreak rays
A blazing orb sun"


"A thousand years of red giants and strange nebula...
Why this dead world
Has so many gorgeous shimmers
Endless cold
But no miracles
Not even one"
I kicked my shoe into frost. I remembered when it was green for miles of waving stalks
I hid behind my hood from the piercing shine
I was too shy to show a golden umbra
My arms had scars and scars and scars
Although I look the same I was different then
There were colors and peach skin
And my heart was young
But how could I say
"I dont know why I have them? "
I wasn't born immortal  , I woke up floating as if on an ark but very small
I only remember when I opened my eyes to the azure waves
The whalesong came before I saw their shadows lilting deep blue,  two,
I was smiling and as I grabbed my oars
It was like a child scribble but so deep
Big nasty questions
No memories
I listened the whales until the ocean had cradled me into deep sleep
How many years had it been?

In  1000 years since sun
I have forgotten the absolute blanket of colors
Most things died quickly
But I didnt die at all
I watched black holes encroach
I didnt want to
But I was immortal
The sky was binary , black or white snow and no bloundry between the earth
And my grim wan ice skin
And the swirling grey above


A puddle or mirror , I blinked I'm the ripples
I closed my eyes, but I am not yet frozen
Somehow I could see that deep blue from then
Orange crested as it blended through clouds but otherwise such a delicate yellow prevailed
That was my first sky as a question
I get the feeling it had been millions of years of learning
But all I will take are scars with ice teeth
One thousand years as things were swallowed by infinite density


So I may just pretend I could hope
As if it were possible...
I wait for the sun.