Dear Russia... From: We the People of the United States of America

Hi Vlad. How ya doing? I'll make this short & sweet. "We the People" are willing to make a deal with you. We do not want war with you. Probably no more than your people want a war with us. So here's our proposal:

Take out our warmongering oligarchs in DC for us since our own military is too pussified to preserve our Republic themselves, even though they took an oath to do that very thing & we can all continue on in near-perfect harmony for the foreseeable future. Throw in a few shipping containers full of your finest Vodka & we'll be best friends before the end of the weekend.

Thanks, sincerely,

"We the People" of the United States of America

P.S. You may also take out Silicon Valley as a bonus for us all.