Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11

Hi Fred. I'm not on Hospice but Palliative Care. I'm fighting with all my might to survive. Not sure why since the astral world is billions of times better than earth, and I have outstandingly good karma.

I did end of life care for over 40 years. Seen many spiritually amazing events.

I wish you long strings of wonderful days. May you feel good, whole, and happy.

And I might add as did every day that preceded them. Why do we wait...

Thank you for honoring his truth. I can only imagine what this meant to him.

Our little signs put the world on notice about what matters. My little sign says that this is my waiting room and to please shut up and sit down while I make myself comfortable. Thats what I need. Space to prepare for deaths arrival because death sometimes isn't merciful meaning that it will not visit us like a thief in the night. Often it will knock first to scare the hell out of us.

Thank you and may you as well in your journey. I appreciate honest words.

At least you don't have Asperger like me. I'd die screaming if I had to lie there and stare at a little comforting placard with a missing apostrophe!

More seriously, I hope you die painlessly. What comes after is nothing to worry about, it's the dying process itself that is scary.

Meet Ralph

…my jealous, arrogant and prideful intellect and he’s not going to go quietly into that good night. Ralph believes that somehow, if given enough knowledge and he manages well, he might be able to alter the outcome. Because…well…he’s a brilliant fellow! Unsurprisingly Ralph has caused me problems throughout my life.

When told it was time to explore hospice Ralphs best efforts couldn’t alter the outcome and for what its worth now I'm a reasonably informed dying man and probably a real bore at parties.

When I tried to introduce Ralph I discovered everyone was already painfully aware of him. They told me how they would listen to me [play with my brain] and think how frightened I must be. I wasn’t fooling anyone.

While my bodies job is to fight disease the irony is that eventually it will end up feeding it. I think somewhere in this is when I decided to befriend it. Confront my mortality and get honest with myself. What was I afraid of? Perhaps I was afraid to learn that I lived hiding in plain sight to prevent the discovery that I was squandering my life.

The only thing thats important is right now. This moment. This moment is all I have. Tomorrow is not yet here and yesterday is gone forever. Why do we wait?

Such wise advise.

I was involved in a near-fatal car accident back in 1991. It taught me that life is precious, and that every day was sacred.

The only moment is now...you never know when it will end for you.

Tell those you love you live them every chance you get.

Thank you so much for this thread, OP. I personal pinned it, so I can remember to come in each time I visit, and see how you are and what words of wisdom you have to share.

I may be different, but I have always enjoyed 'old people' (LOL...I just turned 50, yay!) It was my grandparents I bonded with the most.

I also think this thread has the potential of becoming a GLP classic. I have not ever seen one like it in the 8 years I have been here. Good for you for having the courage to do this. (I am a little blown away you wife is cool with that...so MUCH love and respect to her!!!)

You are Love(d) ;)

Op, Bless you and yours. Everyone’s journey is different and Thank you for sharing yours. My brother told me after he had passed on that we are here to learn to love better. I think you got that down pat.

I appreciate your honesty and sharing what you are going through the best you want to and are able!

Not to nudge 'Ralph', and am not sure of your diagnosis, and your lungs might be long gone - years of abuse to them through smoking, viruses, bacteria and antibiotics or even bad environments can damage them- if you can use coconut oil in throat, nose and mouth will kill the bacteria etc in them- then get some garlic bread(homemade butter and garlic salt/powder) eat couple pieces a few times a day- and inhale the aroma deep into your lungs- ik this is probably difficult for you at this moment and you'll hack a lung w/everything in them- but it'll kill any fungal infections- even a damaged lung can benefit from this as it will get rid of any infections building making your breathing worse- have nurse help you while doing this to make sure you don't die depending how bad lungs are- it will help them rebuild themselves easier this way also- like i said idk how far off you are or if you have other problems, but it's a start- breathing is everything and a cleaner lung will help this!

If anything you won't die of pneumonia!

Folks I began this thread saying that I didn’t want it to be a “look at me” spectacle, but I fear I might be beginning to become that self-absorbed guy I loath. You’ve witnessed my awkward attempts and some of you may have even smiled at them. Yet you offered me kindness and caring.

Perhaps the lifeline that I/we may need/want is simply being heard and honoring our courage and humanity. Allow us to struggle. Allow that there are times when there are no answers. Allow the silence to rage at its sorrow. Allow me to be exactly where I’m at. Don’t try to fix me.

And finally I am often under the influence of meds and they do interfere with my emotional equilibrium. Ya know that’s how Ralph would have said that. This is what I would say. Sometimes I don’t understand what I’m feeling and the meds make it worse and when that happens it makes me mad and then it scares the hell out of me!

As Rodney Dangerfield said, “It's Not Easy Bein' Me”.

I’m going to continue posting because writing words seems to help me focus and that helps me. Thank you.

We’re with you OP, you’re not alone.

if we can’t hold your hand, we do so in Spirit.

Good Morning Noslot....

I will be honest from the front and say this Post is through the lense of a full red bodied wine ,,Italian Barolo no less.

Have popped in and out of this thread, dictated by real life work on my side and would have liked to contribute earlier....anyway....

I see like myself you are a bit of a GLP VET and that has my respect especially as you are facing mortality head on.... This takes a lot of courage, and as I said earlier you are and would be an example to many facing oblivion as you are.

A few things struck me as I read the many posts you have made.
Most of all you are congruent and genuine in the `message` and emotion you are posting across to us. I dont see as you have said "look at me" being the `topic` of what this thread is about, but more about... This is my life and departure and I`m giving it as real as it is..... Very few people in my experience (and I have seen many departures) are able to be forthrite and open in their description of what is really happening and going on.

You said in your last post "It helps me focus, and thank you"
Well I thank you for helping ME to focus.... None of us know if we will be facing what you are currently facing.... But sure as eggs are eggs...some of us will.

Dont let up on this thread in any way...and fuck... if you have a bad day,,, and IF you are able.... lets see the reality of what your pain is ..You have a family of GLP who will be here with you and your family.

*hugs to you..... hugs to your family and hugs to all your other support groups* I have a sneaky feeling they are proud of you.... CR

I knew someone who outlived hospice...

This. Travel well

This. Travel well

Yes. The idea of passing is something I've had to face...not that I'm "dying," but I had a heart attack this year, so I've tried really facing my passing. The amount of thinking that has been done is something else.

I am very much appreciating Noslot's thread, his sharing such an intimate life event....truly, I am learning here. This thread has me to feel very humble every single time I visit here.

Thank you, Noslot....you're kinda being my hero lately. Don't be embarrassed I just posted that, please just accept my praise. It is heartfelt.

I am able to imagine the thoughts you must be having, and I do know how brave you are being.

My healing heart to yours....

May God bless you immensely Fred.

Shared experiences are so important in life,and as we approach our end...these experiences are just as important, if not more so.

Its not often people who are approaching their end are able to express or convey their inner emotions and noslot is to be commended for is ongoing experience.

Rare posts like these can bring our own sense of mortality into sharp focus. And I think Noslot is doing a great job of making this open and honest.

Like you I am also `learning` Its not often a man or woman could be so open for others to share...not so much the pain, but the `serenity` that could be achieved if we were more all open about death.

I am not in Hospice but have worked with hundreds of Hospice patients as a Medicare Compliance Specialist, I am still in the field. My experience may be out of scope but would be glad to answer any questions you might have.

I have spent the last hour reading this remarkable, gutsy, authentically human, loving, thread. OP, thank you. This is the only thread on GLP that has moved me so much. I guess it's the total universality of what you are now going through. It's the trip we are all on. I think we are all just trying the best we can to live with dignity and peace. I think this thread is something we all need to read. Peace be with you, my anonymous new friend. I don't know for sure what my dad saw as he breathed his last in hospice, but he died with the happiest smile on his face. May you have the same gift. You and your family will be in my prayers.

What made you pick glp for this? Are ypu a long time patron under a different name? A friend or family member set you up here? I apologize if this has already been asked.

Fred, there is so much more to you than the dying person. You are also still the living person with the fears we all have when it comes to the end. No one has the answers.

How about sharing some of the wisdom you have gained through life? How about the love you have in your life, how about telling us about the pitfalls to avoid to live a better life?

There is so much more to you than the dying person. We can only feel for you and try to identify as much as we can. We do try. I cried and prayed for you last night.

I want to know what makes Fred tick. I want to learn Fred's wisdom. He is a sharp mind with a great deal to offer. You don't have to share your phone number or social security number. Share something that Fred learned in life.

That is the sum of all life. The experiences that made Fred a better person. No one can help you die a fast and peaceful death except your healthcare folks. We will be there for you, however.

Being in the same shoes, I'm done worrying. I want to learn from people like you. I want to find a feeling of inner peace. Have you? Tell us how you gained that. That is what is important.

You have gained my heart. Not an easy thing to do.

You are very welcome.

Please go on.
Write.
Tell us stories,
Write a poem.
We are listening.

I have never posted before but this subject has affected me deeply, as I just went through this journey with my husband. There will be good days and bad days to be sure. Take advantage of all the good ones as they will begin to dwindle quicker than you realize. For me the time went by very slowly and also faster than I realized (if that makes any sense).Also be assured that your beautiful puppy is very aware that changes are taking place with you. We had a cat that never got in bed with us but when my husband took to the bed she started sitting with us every night! She was very sweet and gentle and would just lay by his side as if guarding him.I was amazed at her behavior as she had never been so loving and since his passing she hardly ever leaves the bedroom. She sensed that he was going and she knows that he is gone. I hope your journey goes as easy for you as it can and your last days are filled with comfort and love.

A good dog is a comfort anytime.

And that is as it should be.

Life is G-ds' to give and take but we're the authors of the moments in between.

Godspeed, Noslot.

I wish you the best and it's great that you had a very long life this far. I am very young and lost my family member at a young age. I'm just wonderyif you have any advice on life since you must have experienced many more things. What advice you may have for a young person? Thanks in adavnce