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Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11

 
cosmicgypsy

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09/07/2019 04:33 PM

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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
We exchanged 100's if not more pictures. I've only been in my home for 5 weeks. Everyone knows they want to make their place home as fast as they can. The outside is the most important to me as it was also Fred's.

I live outside regardless of the weather. Fred's garden is now known as Fredlandia. Included are pool deck pictures. I literally had nothing when I moved here. The only exception being three plants left by the previous owners. I'm trying to rehabilitate them now. I sure hope my link works. They are not in order but you will see I started from scratch. Fred really enjoyed this.

I named the Flamingos Fred, Freida, and Fernando. He loved that. Fred being the largest. They will be with me forever. :D I also inserted LED's for night viewing. ha ha It's really cool at night.


[link to imgur.com (secure)]


Fred also collected pictures into his own album. Ones that were special to him. He put them on a loop and watched them on his t.v. in which he just got Apple T.V. I'm so glad he didn't place my picture in this collection or no one would be viewing this! lol I miss my mountain home and he did include those pictures. Oh well. For all to see.

[link to www.icloud.com (secure)]

Welcome to Fredlandia!
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone



Beautiful gardens....hf

I especially liked how the pink flamingos light up....cool2
You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. -Buckminster Fuller


...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
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09/07/2019 04:43 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
We exchanged 100's if not more pictures. I've only been in my home for 5 weeks. Everyone knows they want to make their place home as fast as they can. The outside is the most important to me as it was also Fred's.

I live outside regardless of the weather. Fred's garden is now known as Fredlandia. Included are pool deck pictures. I literally had nothing when I moved here. The only exception being three plants left by the previous owners. I'm trying to rehabilitate them now. I sure hope my link works. They are not in order but you will see I started from scratch. Fred really enjoyed this.

I named the Flamingos Fred, Freida, and Fernando. He loved that. Fred being the largest. They will be with me forever. :D I also inserted LED's for night viewing. ha ha It's really cool at night.


[link to imgur.com (secure)]


Fred also collected pictures into his own album. Ones that were special to him. He put them on a loop and watched them on his t.v. in which he just got Apple T.V. I'm so glad he didn't place my picture in this collection or no one would be viewing this! lol I miss my mountain home and he did include those pictures. Oh well. For all to see.

[link to www.icloud.com (secure)]

Welcome to Fredlandia!
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone


Thank you for sharing!

Fred is watching all of us enjoying this. hf
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09/07/2019 04:49 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I'm going to share part of his last day with me to you folks at GLP. It's my prerogative to change my mind. I do have to give context here. I'm having a rough time myself and when I write late night or early morning, I'm usually in the throws of some hallucinatory state or simply very tired from not sleeping. My neuro issue doesn't help. We could talk about anything. There was no judgment mind you. The first email is from me; as I was going to follow through with his request to share here.



Email title from me to Fred.....11:45 am

Something I was going to post to GLP

My nonsensical late night ramblings

This is what I was going to post late last night....................


For anyone who doesn't know, Fred has pegged me as the "king of withholding" He's right. I got out of Hospice. My problems haven't stopped and neither will I.

My struggles forced me to throw up two special fingers to death. I lost my fear. I gained my humanity, my spirituality and my knowingness of God rather than a belief in God (still not sure what God is).

I'm just trying to be here for others. I do have a story. I'd rather place others before me. That's whats it's all about. Who I was yesterday means nothing. It's where I am today that makes me who I am. The building blocks to "becoming me" were uncomfortable but I made it.

It doesn't mean I haven't left stupid remarks here or anywhere for that matter (I still make mistakes). There are things I am proud of and other's I loathe about myself. I'm human. Mistakes make us better human beings. It's what I do when it's really important that matters. Well.....Fred knows that. I've been remarkably sane and cogent for my circumstances.

When people lose a certain sense like hearing and sight, they develop other keen senses. How does that work for someone with Lewy Body Disease? Doctors think we're crazy essentially. Something else happens. I can't explain the unexplainable.

I have manageable hallucinations. Nothing I can't discern. Visual, auditory, taste, smell, and touch. It's all very strange, but nonetheless mild or I have grown into them.

I'll check out from time to time with psychosis. For now, it's generally mild. A few instances where I ended up in a psychiatrists office or ER. I never remember anything from those experiences. But what if.... when those defective neurons shift my consciousness in a much different way? Oh....that's right. I'm not allowed to think deeply with dementia. How does that rob me of thinking? My thinking gets shifted, not obliterated.

I do have rough mental days. I just try harder.

I live in a different world. I've embraced it and it's helped me.

I've had one mystical experience after the other. I do remember those.
People will just think I'm crazy. Why do I remember those experiences?

What is the main message of these mystical experiences? Stop worrying. Your being is eternal. There is nothing to worry about at all. STOP WORRYING! Anyone who has had these experiences will tell you the same thing. It's a universal experience.

I've never shared this with Fred that I am aware of. Ever in our short but intense friendship. He does understand my neurological disease. I was impressed that he took that effort upon himself. That's his curious mind to seek out answers. It made me feel humble for him to do that.

I have no idea what brought me onto the path of Fred. We both know it seems very strange. Things happen for a reason. I'm going to be here for him as long as he will have me. That is my purpose and that is my being.

I don't have all the answers if any, but I know ....this is not the end and I have to share that.

This is not the musings of a crazy man. It's much deeper than that. Science says I'm defective. Am I?

Yes, Fred, there is far more to me.

My speech is on its last note. My walking is strained and other body functions failing. I know my mind is failing. It is what it is. I miss my former higher functioning self. Writing is a blessing to erase all evidence of my failings. I've got software for that.

Sometimes I get tired of hearing about how well I get by. It's a dang struggle every day. Sometimes I am treated like an intellectually challenged person. That is really rough on me. All due to my communication difficulty. I'm weak physically. It's obvious.

That is who I am. At least I think so. I don't want to give anyone false hope. But what if?





Fred's Response at 4:27 pm...........

Istarted the reply, but I stopped as you can see. I have some troubling news Brian and it may take several emails to cover everything. First I need to relax a bit. My nurse just left and we called Carmen home so that she could tell her about these changes and answer Qs, etc. Sorry I’m just a bit on tilt. I need a moment.

================

OK you're on to something with this. I’ve had to re-read this a couple of times not because you aren’t clear, but there is some subtle stuff going in this. Let me sit with this for a bit and then I’ll give you a redacted copy of my edits and see where we go from here.

Yeah it's going to take time because I’m not going too just knock the dust off. There is that one fine line between insanity and knowing.

Now having said this I’m not sure I’m the guy who should edit this for you. I mean this sincerely. My bias will always color my conclusions and values. If you ask I will sure tell you what I think, feel or believe about you.




My Response 6:38 pm...............


I certainly can't convince anyone else of my experiences. That isn't my point. It was going to be for public consumption on GLP. For everyone. I've had these experiences for whatever reasons. I'm not the only one. Millions of people have experienced what I have and google is full of stories like my own. When a person hasn't experienced what I have, I have no expectation that anyone will believe me. My experience is simply being offered as an alternative view. Confirmation for me, but I still have to try to let people know of my experiences. Having one of those experiences is beyond anything..........ever in this world. Love is that one exception.

This was the end of this email.

Sorry for such a long post. The other late afternoon posts were too disturbing for me to re-read today. Maybe another time. He was mentally razor sharp up to the end.
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone


PLEASE continue sharing. I am very interested in your experiences.

Peace to you and to all

hf
Anonymous Coward
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09/07/2019 05:42 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I'm definitely going to share more. Going through our emails is tough. However, if he saw me with any weakness right now, he'd probably punch me in the gut and call me some appropriate and much-needed names. :D I sure wish he could do that right about now.

I'll start from the beginning. Not sure how far I can take this. A few beers are in order.

Please keep in mind I don't know who is reading. There are some things that can't be approached due to his family and friends. I don't want to set anything in motion. I know he deleted some of our e-mailings. Maybe all of it. I don't know.

Just as he went into Hospice, it wasn't a week later that I graduated after nine months of captivity. How I got there and back out is worthy of its own post. I'll let this go for later. Maybe.

He wanted me to be more active in this thread. He kept calling it "our thread". We argued about it. Back and forth. The thing is, I saw how enamored people became of Fred. It really is his thread. People saw his amazing ability to be critically thinking at a time in a person's life that it wouldn't be expected. He is so smart. Way beyond most people. He had such humanity to him as well. Sorry, Fred, this is your thread. I just couldn't bring myself to violate it in any way.

I couldn't compliment him about his intelligence at all without receiving a well-directed sharp reply. Kept telling me I was wearing hip waders. lmao I wasn't wrong and everybody saw the same thing I did. A man with an exceptional mind. I liked it when he told me off. He was good at that too. lmao

Another time.......I will post more later.
Anonymous Coward
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09/07/2019 11:21 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
The crux of the matter.

You see, Fred came here for a reason. He wanted to find that one golden nugget of truth. One that really didn't exist. Death is an individual and very personal matter. He wanted to commiserate with someone else going through the same thing he was. Physically and intellectually. He outlined that in the beginning. Not so sure how anyone could match his wits.

I stayed true to his original outline in this thread even in our personal emails. Never did I reveal what grandma or grandpa went through. LOL I really loved his wording better. I just couldn't bring myself to read his writings tonight.

The truth is.......he was scared and he was pissed off about the whole deal. Maybe 25% scared and 75% pissed off. I can't be certain of these ratios. When a person reaches out as he did.......he was scared. He grabbed onto me spiritually. I accepted knowing the consequences.

People like to romanticize the life and death of people. Some go stoically, others fight, many simply resign to the inevitability. Fred was scared and a fighter. Make no mistake about it. He was. He was so mentally intact when he went down. We talked about this.

Deniable plausibility. That is the Western worlds way. We don't deal with death very well. We avoid it at all cost. Such a disservice to people like Fred.

I was there for this short duration (which strangely felt like a time expansion). I was his security blanket. Three days before he passed, I realized he was leaving this world. It was only then that I let him know of my otherworldly experiences. It was the only golden nugget I had. It was important for me to share that at just that right time.

Doesn't matter if he or anyone believed me, but that is all I had left to give to comfort him.

Such a short time to know him. Yet it felt like years. He felt the same in a strange way. It was so deep. My new best friend left. I am bereft.

I want people to know he was ardent believer in God and Jesus. His beliefs and mine might have been different, but we both believed in the goodness of the universe.
Anonymous Coward
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09/07/2019 11:46 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
Thank you! hf

I would love to hear about your otherworldly experiences. Would you mind?
Anonymous Coward
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09/07/2019 11:56 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
Thank you! hf

I would love to hear about your otherworldly experiences. Would you mind?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77976647


Just scroll up a couple of posts. It's there. It was deeper than I expressed........nonetheless the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I could elaborate. I may do that later.
Fluffy Pancakes

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09/08/2019 08:52 AM

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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
We exchanged 100's if not more pictures. I've only been in my home for 5 weeks. Everyone knows they want to make their place home as fast as they can. The outside is the most important to me as it was also Fred's.

I live outside regardless of the weather. Fred's garden is now known as Fredlandia. Included are pool deck pictures. I literally had nothing when I moved here. The only exception being three plants left by the previous owners. I'm trying to rehabilitate them now. I sure hope my link works. They are not in order but you will see I started from scratch. Fred really enjoyed this.

I named the Flamingos Fred, Freida, and Fernando. He loved that. Fred being the largest. They will be with me forever. :D I also inserted LED's for night viewing. ha ha It's really cool at night.


[link to imgur.com (secure)]


Fred also collected pictures into his own album. Ones that were special to him. He put them on a loop and watched them on his t.v. in which he just got Apple T.V. I'm so glad he didn't place my picture in this collection or no one would be viewing this! lol I miss my mountain home and he did include those pictures. Oh well. For all to see.

[link to www.icloud.com (secure)]

Welcome to Fredlandia!
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone


Thank you!

Beautiful places shown there.

I'm grateful to have been a little part of Fred's life, and others here, even if it was just "on the internet".
Things are bad enough, there is no need to make anything up. ~Fluffy

"Never interrupt an enemy in the process of destroying himself."

Quercitin and zinc...Get it. Take it.

Visit howbad.info...If you took the shot, for sure.
Anonymous Coward
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09/08/2019 09:37 AM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
We exchanged 100's if not more pictures. I've only been in my home for 5 weeks. Everyone knows they want to make their place home as fast as they can. The outside is the most important to me as it was also Fred's.

I live outside regardless of the weather. Fred's garden is now known as Fredlandia. Included are pool deck pictures. I literally had nothing when I moved here. The only exception being three plants left by the previous owners. I'm trying to rehabilitate them now. I sure hope my link works. They are not in order but you will see I started from scratch. Fred really enjoyed this.

I named the Flamingos Fred, Freida, and Fernando. He loved that. Fred being the largest. They will be with me forever. :D I also inserted LED's for night viewing. ha ha It's really cool at night.


[link to imgur.com (secure)]


Fred also collected pictures into his own album. Ones that were special to him. He put them on a loop and watched them on his t.v. in which he just got Apple T.V. I'm so glad he didn't place my picture in this collection or no one would be viewing this! lol I miss my mountain home and he did include those pictures. Oh well. For all to see.

[link to www.icloud.com (secure)]

Welcome to Fredlandia!
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone


Thank you!

Beautiful places shown there.

I'm grateful to have been a little part of Fred's life, and others here, even if it was just "on the internet".
 Quoting: Fluffy Pancakes


I'm so happy to know Fred had more friends like you than my stodgy old azz here on GLP! ha ha Thank you for your kind comments.
Anonymous Coward
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09/08/2019 02:45 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
It's time for me to put closure to Fred's thread.  My closure.  As anyone can understand, I need to heal from this emotional journey.  It's time for self-reflection, understanding and the need to move forward with living. 

He will always be a part of my life and I will have that daily reminder by that garden reminding that I was there for someone during one of the most intimate times in a person's life.  It was an honor to be there.

  
Last night I was walking around my house and I heard this voice in my head call my name.  He said, "get back to life."  I'm going to do just that.  I'll maintain my membership and if anyone has any questions, please PM me.

Thank you for being there for one of the most interesting men I have ever met with all your thoughtful and supportive comments.  

Safe journeys and blessings.
tiger1

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09/08/2019 07:08 PM

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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
The crux of the matter.

You see, Fred came here for a reason. He wanted to find that one golden nugget of truth. One that really didn't exist. Death is an individual and very personal matter. He wanted to commiserate with someone else going through the same thing he was. Physically and intellectually. He outlined that in the beginning. Not so sure how anyone could match his wits.

I stayed true to his original outline in this thread even in our personal emails. Never did I reveal what grandma or grandpa went through. LOL I really loved his wording better. I just couldn't bring myself to read his writings tonight.

The truth is.......he was scared and he was pissed off about the whole deal. Maybe 25% scared and 75% pissed off. I can't be certain of these ratios. When a person reaches out as he did.......he was scared. He grabbed onto me spiritually. I accepted knowing the consequences.

People like to romanticize the life and death of people. Some go stoically, others fight, many simply resign to the inevitability. Fred was scared and a fighter. Make no mistake about it. He was. He was so mentally intact when he went down. We talked about this.

Deniable plausibility. That is the Western worlds way. We don't deal with death very well. We avoid it at all cost. Such a disservice to people like Fred.

I was there for this short duration (which strangely felt like a time expansion). I was his security blanket. Three days before he passed, I realized he was leaving this world. It was only then that I let him know of my otherworldly experiences. It was the only golden nugget I had. It was important for me to share that at just that right time.

Doesn't matter if he or anyone believed me, but that is all I had left to give to comfort him.

Such a short time to know him. Yet it felt like years. He felt the same in a strange way. It was so deep. My new best friend left. I am bereft.

I want people to know he was ardent believer in God and Jesus. His beliefs and mine might have been different, but we both believed in the goodness of the universe.
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone


hugs
Praise God from Whom all Blessings flow !!!
~Jazz~Moderator
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09/08/2019 08:52 PM

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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
With the wings of an angel, traverse the stars my friend.

Fly high.

/thread
To know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders.

A rock in bad hands killed Abel. A rock in good hands killed Goliath. It isn't about the rock.

A true warrior fights not because he hates the one in front of him, but because he loves those behind him.

INTP-A
TrustNoOneKS

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09/09/2019 01:53 AM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I will miss him. I didn't think it would be that quick.
 Quoting: Only Me



Me either, and I'll admit I shed some tears (since someone else has).


Ya know, Noslot burrowed deep into our hearts so quickly, and you Only Me....he was there for you, and you for him. He was here for all of us.

And while some of us are feeling a little shocked at his going so soon, we have been so FORTUNATE that he did the bravest thing he could've done....he opened up to us here about one of the most intimate things that can happen to a human being. I know he has given me many moments of thought I would've had to have had later, when it might not have been as easy to think about it.

I am glad he's out of pain, but I too am going to miss his "voice."
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


I shed tears the night I read that he had passed. It's amazing how someone you have never met in person but you get to know through their words and sharing of the journey can touch you so very much.
I Want To Believe
dawning light

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09/09/2019 05:11 AM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
We exchanged 100's if not more pictures. I've only been in my home for 5 weeks. Everyone knows they want to make their place home as fast as they can. The outside is the most important to me as it was also Fred's.

I live outside regardless of the weather. Fred's garden is now known as Fredlandia. Included are pool deck pictures. I literally had nothing when I moved here. The only exception being three plants left by the previous owners. I'm trying to rehabilitate them now. I sure hope my link works. They are not in order but you will see I started from scratch. Fred really enjoyed this.

I named the Flamingos Fred, Freida, and Fernando. He loved that. Fred being the largest. They will be with me forever. :D I also inserted LED's for night viewing. ha ha It's really cool at night.


[link to imgur.com (secure)]


Fred also collected pictures into his own album. Ones that were special to him. He put them on a loop and watched them on his t.v. in which he just got Apple T.V. I'm so glad he didn't place my picture in this collection or no one would be viewing this! lol I miss my mountain home and he did include those pictures. Oh well. For all to see.

[link to www.icloud.com (secure)]

Welcome to Fredlandia!
 Quoting: TheTwilightZone


Beautiful garden I know Fred would be proud. You are a good friend
And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us;
The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him
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09/09/2019 03:51 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I'm sorry for his family's loss, I know they are grieving.

Prayers to them.

And, how's his wee doggie doing?
Fluffy Pancakes

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09/09/2019 10:13 PM

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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I'm sorry for his family's loss, I know they are grieving.

Prayers to them.

And, how's his wee doggie doing?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 6655394


I'm sure his dog is also grieving. I know my parent's dog grieved for about 2 weeks when my Dad passed this spring.

When I receive the memorial, I'll post it here, but do a little editing to protect his family's identity.

When I wrote my father's obituary, it was quite painful. As Fred appears to have been an outgoing guy, I bet he and his family have a lot of friends that will want to attend the memorial. With how spread out we are, those can take longer than a week to put together.

Kudos to those on this thread as members of GLP. I deeply appreciate the empathy and decency displayed by the vast majority here.

It really speaks volumes to the depth of character shown by so many.
Things are bad enough, there is no need to make anything up. ~Fluffy

"Never interrupt an enemy in the process of destroying himself."

Quercitin and zinc...Get it. Take it.

Visit howbad.info...If you took the shot, for sure.
Musashi
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09/11/2019 11:28 AM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
Thank you for this deep and important thread on realities we must all confront eventually.

This thread definitely has had an impact on me.

May God bless your soul Fred!
Fluffy Pancakes

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09/16/2019 06:12 PM

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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I rec'd the email on Fred's Memorial service.

They didn't do an obituary, so I can't post that, but, here is the email I rec'd:

Thank you so much for your condolences and kind words. I wanted to send an update regarding Fred's Memorial service.

Saturday September 21st at 11:00 am
Parker Bible Church
4389 E. Mainstreet, Parker, CO 80134

In Lieu of flowers, Carmen has requested that donations be made in Fred's name to Parker Bible Church (online giving available at [link to giving.ncsservices.org (secure)] the church will add an option to give in Fred's honor).

Things are bad enough, there is no need to make anything up. ~Fluffy

"Never interrupt an enemy in the process of destroying himself."

Quercitin and zinc...Get it. Take it.

Visit howbad.info...If you took the shot, for sure.
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2019 12:09 AM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I haven’t been on because my internet is terrible
I’m sad to read the news

Rest In Peace Fred...

Twilight zone, you are an angel..!
Anonymous Coward
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09/19/2019 09:58 AM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
R.I.P Fred
Anonymous Coward
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09/22/2019 11:20 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I haven’t been on because my internet is terrible
I’m sad to read the news

Rest In Peace Fred...

Twilight zone, you are an angel..!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78012783


Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.
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09/22/2019 11:20 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I haven’t been on because my internet is terrible
I’m sad to read the news

Rest In Peace Fred...

Twilight zone, you are an angel..!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78012783


Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.
Anonymous Coward
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10/10/2019 09:19 PM
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Re: Hospice patient. Real Time. Real World. UPDATE: Noslot Gained His Wings Last Night. pg 11
I miss my friend.





GLP