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When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....

 
marooned

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08/30/2018 08:46 AM

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I wanted to talk about this because I know it is one of the most prevalent subjects for our world today. People have had so much abuse and sadness that they feel it is IMPOSSIBLE to forgive those that have abused them.

I am 60 years old now and I had a very sad and disfunctional childhood. I was born with 85% yellow blood because my mother had RH factor and they had to give me a blood transfusion. She was an avid alcoholic since she was 18 and she was 31 when i was born. I was the 3rd of 3 girls and an 'accident' from having too much liquor on New Years Eve. She and my dad divorced when I was 7 and he had been having an affair with some woman down the block. The 23 years they were married they had numerous violent fights and I remember some of them but most of them I blocked from my mind.

My dad remarried a very jealous and vindictive woman with 2 kids. The boy physically assaulted me at the age of 8 and her daughter mocked me and made fun of me at school until I finally had enough and moved in with my aunt at 12. After that I moved from relatives to friends until I finally married at 20 just to get away from everything.

All of that is to say that I carried a lot of bitterness and rejection towards both of my parents. It took until I was 50 years old to understand how to 'forgive' them for what they did to me.

It's a simple remedy but really does work when you use it.

When I was overwhelmed with anger I turned towards God and asked Him to 'show' me each of them from 'His' point of view. Every time I 'saw' a vision of them as a 'child' and what they went through as children. That gave me a whole DIFFERENT perspective and melted my heart.

I learned that ALL of us are simply CHILDREN in these 'grown up' bodies...just trying to understand and keep our heads above water in this crazy and heartless world.

I know it sounds simple but it does WORK! Please don't knock it until you have tried it. It has worked for every single person I've shared it with. It changed their world from that point on.

This world needs LOVE and FORGIVENESS more than anything else. If we simply do these two things, this world will turn around into the world we all dream it to be...

red_heart
 Quoting: Dads girl


hf
Fluffy Pancakes

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08/31/2018 09:50 PM

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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I'm broken.

Help?
Things are bad enough, there is no need to make anything up. ~Fluffy

"Never interrupt an enemy in the process of destroying himself."

Quercitin and zinc...Get it. Take it.

Visit howbad.info...If you took the shot, for sure.
Anonymous Coward
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08/31/2018 09:52 PM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
When you have a hard time forgiving someone...don't.
Anonymous Coward
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08/31/2018 11:13 PM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
When you have a hard time forgiving someone...don't.
 Quoting: SureThingBuddy


Oh, yeah... sure thing buddy!!!!
SilverPatriot

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08/31/2018 11:37 PM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I wanted to talk about this because I know it is one of the most prevalent subjects for our world today. People have had so much abuse and sadness that they feel it is IMPOSSIBLE to forgive those that have abused them.

I am 60 years old now and I had a very sad and disfunctional childhood. I was born with 85% yellow blood because my mother had RH factor and they had to give me a blood transfusion. She was an avid alcoholic since she was 18 and she was 31 when i was born. I was the 3rd of 3 girls and an 'accident' from having too much liquor on New Years Eve. She and my dad divorced when I was 7 and he had been having an affair with some woman down the block. The 23 years they were married they had numerous violent fights and I remember some of them but most of them I blocked from my mind.

My dad remarried a very jealous and vindictive woman with 2 kids. The boy physically assaulted me at the age of 8 and her daughter mocked me and made fun of me at school until I finally had enough and moved in with my aunt at 12. After that I moved from relatives to friends until I finally married at 20 just to get away from everything.

All of that is to say that I carried a lot of bitterness and rejection towards both of my parents. It took until I was 50 years old to understand how to 'forgive' them for what they did to me.

It's a simple remedy but really does work when you use it.

When I was overwhelmed with anger I turned towards God and asked Him to 'show' me each of them from 'His' point of view. Every time I 'saw' a vision of them as a 'child' and what they went through as children. That gave me a whole DIFFERENT perspective and melted my heart.

I learned that ALL of us are simply CHILDREN in these 'grown up' bodies...just trying to understand and keep our heads above water in this crazy and heartless world.

I know it sounds simple but it does WORK! Please don't knock it until you have tried it. It has worked for every single person I've shared it with. It changed their world from that point on.

This world needs LOVE and FORGIVENESS more than anything else. If we simply do these two things, this world will turn around into the world we all dream it to be...

red_heart
 Quoting: Dads girl


You have a Pollyanna view of forgiveness try living next door to a muslim family who desires to claim use to your property as the right of the things that crawled out of the rectums (their demonic children).

Their koran allows them to lie concerning non believers of their cult religion and if you yield they only become more aggressive abusive and nasty you have to take a stand.

One does not have to be violent we installed CCTV cameras and electrical and solar spotlights with driveway sensors to keep the fool at bay. What made the moron move was my telling a loud mouth neighbor of my conviction to donate our house and property to HUD just to watch their property value drop like a rock.

Speaking of family, we were abused by our sick twisted evil father and as my brother lay dying he only wanted to hear our father tell him just once in his life that he was loved but this never happened.

Never went to his minimal funeral and to this day have no regrets and have to address forgiveness each time his name is brought up and I notice that my hand folds into a fist.
Anonymous Coward
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08/31/2018 11:37 PM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
No...but then again I don't forgive
NowIhavetothinkofanam​e

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09/01/2018 12:23 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
When you have a hard time forgiving someone...don't.
 Quoting: SureThingBuddy


This is the best post of this thread.

Everyone has sucky things happen to them in their life. Whether it's an unpleasant home life to trauma and even sucky people can be pitfalls to us being happy.

IF you don't want to forgive someone you don't have to. Some things shouldn't be tolerated or forgiven, as that implies a level of empathy with the psycho bitch who did it.

There's a difference between coming to terms with things and not worrying about them. Like not worrying about revenge and leaving the universe or the deity to punish people for their transgressions.

Eventually we all get punished for our crimes in one way or another, even when we think we've gotten away with whatever scorches our conscious.

Consider the concept of reincarnation where we live the consequences of our actions until we realise we are our own worst enemies.

A carefree life is one where we do as little as possible to cause others grivances which we'll face in our next life.
NowIhavetothinkofanameohnoithurts
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If someone doesn't add value to your life, then that someone shouldn't be a part of it.
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Iknowhim

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09/01/2018 12:51 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I forgive once something is done to me..but it doesnt mean I have to accept their behavior, I just move my time and attention where it is valued.
Iknowhim
PHX57

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09/01/2018 01:32 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I forgive once something is done to me..but it doesnt mean I have to accept their behavior, I just move my time and attention where it is valued.
 Quoting: Iknowhim


The forgiveness is for you,but you will never forget...that’s what keeps
form avoiding situations like that from ever happening again...
I can and did forgive ....but will never forget....Self preservation.. IMHO
tcs

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09/01/2018 02:44 AM

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HB-global OP
" Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord." ~ Jer. 17:5

"From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand"
Dads girl  (OP)

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09/01/2018 06:53 AM
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HB-global OP
 Quoting: tcs


Thanks so much for the birthday wishes but how did you know it was my birthday?
mumfy

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09/01/2018 07:24 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I'm broken.

Help?
 Quoting: Fluffy Pancakes


Hi,

I was broken and still going through a rough time but I'm finding strength. I feel everyones pain here. I won't go into my story but would you like to talk about it?

I'm afraid I haven't got access to messages but I'll listen best I can. Much love for reaching out :-) x
mumfy
Anonymous Coward
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09/01/2018 07:46 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Maybe, just maybe forgive yourself for embracing hate, and that's enough to get on with your healing without reconnecting with whomever.
SLC

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09/01/2018 08:10 AM

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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
hf
I'd rather go down the river with seven studs than with a hundred shitheads. -Colonel Charlie Beckwith
DONKEY LIPS

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09/01/2018 08:12 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
cheers
Gov. Inc. Goon

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09/01/2018 08:13 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Forgive the worthy.
Rustydog

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09/01/2018 08:20 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I KNOW how difficult it is to forgive someone but I so want to help others because it is the most prevalent subject in the world today. Thank you for trying it and let me know if it helps you!

Hugs!

hf
 Quoting: Dads girl

Thank you for sharing your personal story. If all we know is out own troubles we may begin to feel we are the only ones with troubles. One can find solace in the realization that we all go through tough spots and that no matter what if we wish for a better, kinder, simpler world it is out there, ours for the taking. I hope you are coping with life's problems as well as you can and have forgiven those who wronged you, if not solely for your sake. Carrying around negativity and hatred is no good for ones soul. Good to see your back, I was wondering where you had gone, I missed reading your posts.
Deplorable and proud of It!! Trump 2024 MAGAA
Brubaker

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09/01/2018 08:23 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I KNOW how difficult it is to forgive someone but I so want to help others because it is the most prevalent subject in the world today. Thank you for trying it and let me know if it helps you!

Hugs!

hf
 Quoting: Dads girl

Thank you for sharing your personal story. If all we know is out own troubles we may begin to feel we are the only ones with troubles. One can find solace in the realization that we all go through tough spots and that no matter what if we wish for a better, kinder, simpler world it is out there, ours for the taking. I hope you are coping with life's problems as well as you can and have forgiven those who wronged you, if not solely for your sake. Carrying around negativity and hatred is no good for ones soul. Good to see your back, I was wondering where you had gone, I missed reading your posts.
 Quoting: Rustydog


but giving us all the finger is fine, eh?
Brubaker

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09/01/2018 08:32 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
receiving a sincere apology? of course, you forgive them. forget it and move on. it's possible they need justice, as well. don't confuse forgiveness with justice.

for the 4% sociopaths in this world, the maker gave you hate to deal with them. never forgive them, and never forget. cultivate a healthy sense of hate to deal with these mental defectives. hate is your protection against these people that could care less how much they hurt you. they feel no guilt whatsover, and are incapable of feeling guilt.
ConcreteBrunette

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09/01/2018 08:34 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I wanted to talk about this because I know it is one of the most prevalent subjects for our world today. People have had so much abuse and sadness that they feel it is IMPOSSIBLE to forgive those that have abused them.

I am 60 years old now and I had a very sad and disfunctional childhood. I was born with 85% yellow blood because my mother had RH factor and they had to give me a blood transfusion. She was an avid alcoholic since she was 18 and she was 31 when i was born. I was the 3rd of 3 girls and an 'accident' from having too much liquor on New Years Eve. She and my dad divorced when I was 7 and he had been having an affair with some woman down the block. The 23 years they were married they had numerous violent fights and I remember some of them but most of them I blocked from my mind.

My dad remarried a very jealous and vindictive woman with 2 kids. The boy physically assaulted me at the age of 8 and her daughter mocked me and made fun of me at school until I finally had enough and moved in with my aunt at 12. After that I moved from relatives to friends until I finally married at 20 just to get away from everything.

All of that is to say that I carried a lot of bitterness and rejection towards both of my parents. It took until I was 50 years old to understand how to 'forgive' them for what they did to me.

It's a simple remedy but really does work when you use it.

When I was overwhelmed with anger I turned towards God and asked Him to 'show' me each of them from 'His' point of view. Every time I 'saw' a vision of them as a 'child' and what they went through as children. That gave me a whole DIFFERENT perspective and melted my heart.

I learned that ALL of us are simply CHILDREN in these 'grown up' bodies...just trying to understand and keep our heads above water in this crazy and heartless world.

I know it sounds simple but it does WORK! Please don't knock it until you have tried it. It has worked for every single person I've shared it with. It changed their world from that point on.

This world needs LOVE and FORGIVENESS more than anything else. If we simply do these two things, this world will turn around into the world we all dream it to be...

red_heart
 Quoting: Dads girl


Thank you for sharing this formula, it reminds me of the golden rule. "Do unto others as you would have others fo unto you" You were not an accident! It was all part of the plan, the strongest spirits are sent into the most challenging roles on earth, you are a strong spirit and no accident
God Bless
Kiss_Your_Illusions_G​oodbye

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09/01/2018 08:36 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I think of it this way.

I've had friends say "I'm sorry" for something they did 20 years ago.

I say "dude, that was forgiven 20 years ago. I hate to think you've been carrying that around for 20 years".

They say "you never told me it was all forgiven".

I say "you never appologized before".
 Quoting: Mental Case


An apology helps others to forget and move on.

Forgiving is the easy part.

An apology isn't for ourselves, it is a sign of humility and shows the person we have hurt that we truly are sorry and that we truly do care.

To refuse to apologize and ask for forgivess is selfishness and not thoughtful. It does not honor God.

.
MissCleo

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09/01/2018 08:41 AM

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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
(((( hugs )))))

Childhood trauma healing is difficult.

Support tools that helped me understand:
Maslows Hierarchy, developmental stages that parents miss that we have to go back and repair.

Positive coping skills, like journaling, therapy, support groups, independence, joy, happiness (as opposed to negative coping skills of drugs, addiction, alcoholism, pessimism, bodily harm, yelling, fighting, obsessing).

Stages of Grief
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Grief isn't just about dying, it's about loss, loss of a normal childhood, loss of happiness, loss of years taken by parents or siblings or perverts.
Rocking It Harder

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09/01/2018 08:44 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
I wanted to talk about this because I know it is one of the most prevalent subjects for our world today. People have had so much abuse and sadness that they feel it is IMPOSSIBLE to forgive those that have abused them.

I am 60 years old now and I had a very sad and disfunctional childhood. I was born with 85% yellow blood because my mother had RH factor and they had to give me a blood transfusion. She was an avid alcoholic since she was 18 and she was 31 when i was born. I was the 3rd of 3 girls and an 'accident' from having too much liquor on New Years Eve. She and my dad divorced when I was 7 and he had been having an affair with some woman down the block. The 23 years they were married they had numerous violent fights and I remember some of them but most of them I blocked from my mind.

My dad remarried a very jealous and vindictive woman with 2 kids. The boy physically assaulted me at the age of 8 and her daughter mocked me and made fun of me at school until I finally had enough and moved in with my aunt at 12. After that I moved from relatives to friends until I finally married at 20 just to get away from everything.

All of that is to say that I carried a lot of bitterness and rejection towards both of my parents. It took until I was 50 years old to understand how to 'forgive' them for what they did to me.

It's a simple remedy but really does work when you use it.

When I was overwhelmed with anger I turned towards God and asked Him to 'show' me each of them from 'His' point of view. Every time I 'saw' a vision of them as a 'child' and what they went through as children. That gave me a whole DIFFERENT perspective and melted my heart.

I learned that ALL of us are simply CHILDREN in these 'grown up' bodies...just trying to understand and keep our heads above water in this crazy and heartless world.

I know it sounds simple but it does WORK! Please don't knock it until you have tried it. It has worked for every single person I've shared it with. It changed their world from that point on.

This world needs LOVE and FORGIVENESS more than anything else. If we simply do these two things, this world will turn around into the world we all dream it to be...

red_heart
 Quoting: Dads girl


Forgive them anyway because they know no better and you are more advanced in life for doing so.

AMEN


Belzegor

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09/01/2018 09:00 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
This world needs LOVE and FORGIVENESS more than anything else. If we simply do these two things, this world will turn around into the world we all dream it to be...

 Quoting: Dads girl


I think what you are saying is very important.
I would like to add a couple simple methods for those not into any particular religion:
-Talk to a mirror, as if you were talking with someone you need closure with. Express everything and look at your eyes' reflection as if looking into them.
-Write down everything that made you sad or hurt, from the beginning, everything you remember. Then burn it, let the fire take it.

wine_thanks
BigTimeWanted

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09/01/2018 09:00 AM

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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Forgiveness takes a confession.

Forgiveness can only come if an individual can overcome the wrath to rip the face off the guilty.Therefore in a face to face confession of guilt.

Emotional pain a lot of time needs self forgiveness.

Last Edited by messagehalted on 09/01/2018 09:05 AM
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Kiss_Your_Illusions_G​oodbye

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09/01/2018 09:05 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Forgiveness takes a confession.
 Quoting: BigTimeWanted


Yes, an arrogant, prideful, selfish person, who is uncaring makes excuses and tries to rationalize why they do not need to apologize to people they have hurt.

It is much easier and brings healing just to say "hey, sorry, I messed up and was unkind".

It is humility and thoughtful to do so and accept responsibility for ones bad behaviors and unkind words or actions.

.
Theobromine The Deplorable

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09/01/2018 09:07 AM

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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Thank you OP for reminding us to hold people in the light and forgive them for not giving us what they never had - or didn't have at the time...

It needs to be done many times - like peeling back an onion - the healing has to occur on each layer ... Some feelings have more layers than others.

God Bless
"What are you helping with all this helping?" Buddhist saying
Anonymous Coward
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09/01/2018 09:08 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Thank you for this , yes I had to look at my dad as a child we are all products of our childhood. My dad had a terrible childhood and so did my mom. The bad chains can be broken.

Until we understand what our comfort zones are and why we do not understand the decisions we make... Love to all we are all broken...



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BigTimeWanted

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09/01/2018 09:14 AM

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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
Wrath and Forgiveness are equal ramifications in Gods eyes.

Neither are a sin if the accused party has confessed.

A person that did not confess will suffer dearly.

Neither method will heal a broken heart instantly and forgiveness never works if you dwell on the past event.You might as while have used an eye for an eye.

Jesus etc have great teaching but they work against human nature.

Last Edited by messagehalted on 09/01/2018 09:18 AM
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redhed6971

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09/01/2018 09:22 AM
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Re: When You Have A Hard Time Forgiving Someone....
OP you have chosen..... wisely.

And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:30-32.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:12-14.
“Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave.”
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GLP