Your daily Horrorscope

Now tell me..

Are you borderline ? I can see myself in every sentence:)

Cancer:

Every cancer speaks at least five different languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, Truth and Love

Anyone actually believe in zodiacs and horoscopes?

You think I was serious? Did you think I actually made God step back or imagined I did? I'm sorry, its a very old joke an apparently inappropriate for this thread and you. Cheers.

LOL Secret

Libra

Personality disorder

Passive-Aggressive disorder

Symptoms

- avoiding responsibilities by claiming forgetfulness
- having an express anger, hostility or resentment
- ambiguity or speaking critically (Lol if she speaks at all LOL, at home there is a saying getting it out her is as hard as having to pull fluff balls from the whole blanket)
- International inefficiency of sabotage
- complaining, making excuses or acting sullen

As a conspiracy: the UFO landing in Rooswell

Libra: Sometimes Libra says to themselves all the time: I gave that idiot way to many chances

Aww honey does my video look like I though you where serious?

Scorpio: when Scorpio is mad even the Demons run for cover

My emoji of the way I meant devilish Scorpio was expressed.: t was hilarious and so typical of Scorpio making it

Last Edited by Done and Dusted on 03/18/2017 01:26 PM

Okay, I'm slowly getting it lol. As you have properly guessed by now I know nothing of the zodiac other than about forty years ago how Scorpios were portrayed. Both my husband of many years and I are Scorpios. My sister has fourteen grandchildren and nine of them are Scorpios. Still know nothing about Scorpios other than many decades ago we were regarded as the sorcerers of the zodiac and for everyone else to run, not walk, to get out of our way which was so unrealistic we used to laugh about it. When I said the joke was old I meant it is older than you are.

Anyway, I'll shut up now and finish reading your thread. I like learning and that I'm doing. Cheers.

Last Edited by -Haun- on 03/18/2017 01:33 PM

AMOUNT OF FVCKS YOUR SIGN GIVES

Aries: no number to describe how much they actually care
Taurus: information unknown
Gemini: literally nothing they don't care about anything is great
Cancer: infinite amount of fvcks
Leo: we talking hundreds
Virgo: 3 on a good day 16 a bad day
Libra: I lot but no one will ever know
Scorpio: 69
Sagittarius: ZERO
Capricorn: 1 + 3 + 14 * 6
Aquarius: minus 300 hundred
Pisces: The same amount as 10 singles sold every day worldwide

What's with the 1 star horseshit?

This thread is great.

If you can't laugh at yourself, what right do you have to laugh at others?

Carry on OP.

My soulmate was Scorpio
Know them better then they will ever know themselves so I understand what just happened here

Re: age guessed you around 20 no joke

What always blew my mind was that like "the devil" I would label that star sing as the one with most "fire" in them, literally doesn't matter how many times I hear it I always forget it's water sign . Dang it is it? Yes it is

Last Edited by Done and Dusted on 03/18/2017 02:17 PM

Awww,. You likes my daily horsescope ?

Love advice:

Check your moon and sun as well.

Aries Venus: Stop bitting off more than you can chew, you're going to choke

Taurus Venus: They are not an indulgence or temptation, they are a person

Gemini Venus: Other people's feelings are not a game - stop playing

Cancer Venus: You don't have to smother them, they understand

Leo Venus: You are not the only person that has something to say

Virgo Venus: Love doesn't need to be anything but love, so let it be

Libra Venus: Some things should be kept quiet and sacred, don't ruin it

Scorpio Venus: Stop trying to claim & own another human beings

Sagittarius Venus: Recognise when you leave, you take their heart with u

Capricorn Venus: Your "personal space" doesn't have to be so lonely

Aquarius Venus: Your feelings matter to them so they should matter to you

Pisces Venus: Figure out what love is before you say you in it

Last Edited by Done and Dusted on 03/18/2017 02:19 PM

The twelve faces of the Zodiac cereal killer:

Cap'n Crunch (Aries)
Honey Bunch of Oats (Taurus)
Trix (Gemini)
Frosted Mini Spooner (Cancer)
Kaboom! (Leo)
Fruity Pebble (Virgo)
Cheerio (Libra)
Franken Berry (Scorpio)
Life (Sagittarius)
Quaker Oatmeal Square (Capricorn)
Ghostbuster (Aquarius)
Froot Loop (Pisces)

u tel me moar nao! :D

So u Libra or Virgo

Ha Secret see !!


Libra's weakness; neglecting their own needs

Virgo Sun/Saturn/Lilith/North Node

Libra Mercury/Venus/Moon/Pluto

I'm pretty simple, my needs are few. There are many others in far greater need than me. Besides, my time will come. :)

Your second doze

I have tomorrow already

Aries

Unwashed and lonely - don't let your future become this. Only you hold the key to getting yourself out of your personal gutter. Normally today wouldn't cause you any difficulties, but today might just go against the norm. Damnation awaits you from every angle. Your only hope is to provide mankind with the cure for greed. This message was brought to you in association with Craaaazy Christians Inc.


Taurus

Friends have always tried to convince you of your madness, but never more so will that be true than this coming weekend. Danger, excitement, thrills. Even spills. These are buzz words which may catch your attention this week, possibly in the form of a horoscope. ODBC Error - 1305 | Horoscope cannot be created for someone as stupid as you. <>


Gemini

"Have a good day!" is not something you'll want to hear from anyone as you suffer from a bottom related illness. Although it may be true that you are being hunted down by pirates, you may wish to avoid using the name "Long Dong Silver". If Jesus were here, he'd probably bless you in light of what's going to happen to you today. Today might find you requiring a move of the left-hand and right-hand side speakers or earphones you use to listen to music.


Cancer

Think of a number. Now times that number by eighteen. I can confidently predict that your number does not rhyme with "Golfing Umbrella". Scroll further down any web pages you access today, just in case there are hidden clauses you aren't aware of. Having a secret agenda is all very good, but posting it on your blog/company intranet is NOT advisable. Tailors and Bodybuilders may have a surprise in store for you this week. Also keep on the lookout for butch hairdressers.


Leo

The capital of you is your heart - never forget that. Danger. Excitement. Love. Hate. These are words which are often used in movie advertisements, but very rarely happen in your life. This week may be the beginning of a startling change for you. The tension between you and a co-worker may ease today as you suddenly realise you have other stronger ties.


Virgo

The heavens are unpredictable for laymen, yet I am truly the seer or seers. Bow before me and tremble in fear that my wrath may cause you stubbed-toes. You might find yourself on the wrong end of a stick of wood today. Your neighbour's taste for loud music may cause them to incur an unfortunate accident. I've written hundreds upon hundreds of horoscopes, but this one is the most special.


Libra

You can't go wrong today - everything is set up for brilliance. If you feel ill a visit to the doctor could be in store. Any jamborees you attend today are likely to be fun-filled as well as informative.


Scorpio

A bottle of red, a bottle of white. Wine! The only drink for those who are addicted to beer but worried about the size of their gut. Assume everyone's an idiot today and you may find yourself being patronising and brilliantly witty. You dig?


Saggitarious

Tantalising new evidence that you're about to have fun is going to reveal itself today. You are trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton's greatest hits. What do you do? Drunken idiots are usually a good way of entertaining yourself whilst you're waiting for public transport. It may be time to accept that you're a failure and a loser.


Capricorn

Your favourite place may change today as you have new reason for utter joy. Always think "Take the easy way out". You won't go wrong. Today might be a good day to walk around with your arms stretched forwards in a "mummy" style. Cold winds encircle your future.


Aquarius

Scraping the bottom of the barrel is always a sad affair, especially if it's the biscuit barrel. Subconsciously, you've always felt free to say and do what you want so today's county-court judgement against you might affect your life in ways you hadn't considered. One man cannot make himself into an army of super-strength midgets. No matter what his budget. Everything will go wrong today. Including this horoscope.


Pisces

The colour blue will give you cause for resentment today. I am always pretending to be a cat - make sure you have a special "getaway" persona that you can adopt at any given moment. All the base that were belong to you are soon to be re-patriotised with their original owners.

Today's doze


Aries

chances of alien abduction 13%



Taurus

you are not as alone as you think you are



Gemini

be aware of who you trust



Cancer

stop overthinking your future



Leo

stop opening up so easy



Virgo

rise



Libra

choose wisely



Scorpio

talk it out man



Saggitarius

it doesn't have to mean bad luck



Capricorn

self love is the best love



Aquarius

relax, take a bath maybe



Pisces

sleep it off

Last Edited by Done and Dusted on 03/20/2017 09:34 AM

Capricorn : don't try to understand a Capricorn, their mind is too deep for you

Virgo

Personality disorder

Obsessive Compulsive disorder

Symptoms

- preoccupied with cleanliness, orderliness and control
- fear of causing harm to yourself and others
- fear of losing on not having things you might need
- uncontrollable thoughts or images
- constant need to apologise (yep!!!! right on)

As a conspiracy: Government killed Princess Diana

Virgo: They like things to be set in stone. They don't have time for a maybe its either do you can or you can't

Virgo: The guys are nice people. But once you get on the shit list you may as well be invisible.

Virgo: I rely on my damn self

Love like Scorpio
Laugh like Gemini
Rebel like Aquarius
Care like Pisces
Be assertive like Aries
Have fun like Saggitaurius
Be peaceful like Libra
Be genuine like Taurus
Be responsible like a pickle (lol maybe) a Capricorn
Live a simple life like Virgo
Be faithful like Cancer
Be generous like Leo