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I need some help GLP ...

 
J A R H E A D
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User ID: 35366372
United States
12/06/2016 09:13 PM
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I need some help GLP ...
So I have my family Christmas get together coming up, and every year we do a round robin "white elephant" gift exchange and I for the life of me CANNOT think of anything this year.

Some of my past gems have included:

- Jesus action figure with AK-47
- Cooking with Semen cookbook
- A 12 month calendar with pictures of me in a bubble bath
- A meth lab starter kit

and perhaps my favorite ...

Shave Me Barbie ... with real pubic hair glued on.

I'm out of ideas, and thus I come to you for assistance, with the following caveats ... I must be able to purchase the item outright, or procure the necessary items in the next 10 days.

I really don't wanna have to buy booze ... Help me out GLP!

helpme
"We're gonna win so much you may even get tired of winning and you'll say please, please Mr. president, It's too much winning! We can't take it anymore!" ~Donald Trump, April 11, 2016

Benghazi. We remembered you. ~JypsieWind, November 8, 2016
Anonymous Coward
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12/06/2016 09:16 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Birdfeeders
BRIEF

User ID: 39607259
United States
12/06/2016 09:16 PM

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Re: I need some help GLP ...
[link to www.amazon.com (secure)]
I never forgive and I never forget

I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked.

Briefcut4892
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41363257
United States
12/06/2016 09:22 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Geeze, EVERY Jarhead KNOWS the 2016 Neiman Marcus Christmas Gift of the year is a 16x20 full sepia picture of Mad Dog Mattis.

What's the matter with you, boy?!

Ooh rah!
Asymptote

User ID: 72725128
United States
12/06/2016 10:01 PM

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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Brief, I love ya... But you were a little too quick with that
Approaching the line

"Be wary of mathematicians, particularly when they speak the truth." - Augustine

I sign all my Karma

Polymath supreme

BTW.... Any grammatical errors (or incorrect words) are due to Spellcheck fucking hating me.....did you see, it auto fucking capitalism the word Spellcheck
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 61786561
United States
12/06/2016 10:18 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
We do Pink elephant Gifts too.

I got every member of my family

a hillary Clinton Bobble head doll
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 73055143
United States
12/06/2016 10:23 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Give them a piece of shit and tell em its your self portrait.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 70975244
United States
12/06/2016 10:39 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Bring your old pic back!!!

chuckle

How about emergency rations!

Taser gun?

Led flashlight!

There is always the new Jerusalem calendar
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 73430461
Australia
12/06/2016 10:58 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
[link to www.amazon.com (secure)]
R.P. McMurphy

User ID: 73140680
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12/06/2016 11:12 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Medex offers a complete line of A/V Plugs in a variety of sizes and colors...
"Moral of the story is I chose a half measure when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again.

==== ESTJ-a (Executive) 93% Extroverted, 82% Observant, 83% Thinking, 82% Judging,72% Assertive ====
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 72267068
United States
12/06/2016 11:13 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Satan's blood hotsauce.
Putin riding a bear action figure.
Dicktowel.
Sexpanther cologne.
Cards against humanity game.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 63611024
United Kingdom
12/06/2016 11:31 PM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
You could try the Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery starter kit?
.
*Link*

User ID: 59968888
United States
12/06/2016 11:39 PM

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Re: I need some help GLP ...
This looks fun..

[link to www.amazon.com (secure)]

laugh
"He who strikes terror in others is himself continually in fear." - Claudius Claudianus.

Aka. Tatanka
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 35366372
United States
12/07/2016 02:13 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Satan's blood hotsauce.
Putin riding a bear action figure.
Dicktowel.
Sexpanther cologne.
Cards against humanity game.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 72267068


SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!

[link to www.amazon.com (secure)]
Dace

User ID: 17811715
United States
12/07/2016 02:18 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
[link to www.jesusdressup.com]

^^ many different kinds of Jesus on the cross dress-up refrigerator magnets. I gave out a few sets a few years back.

You can turn him into Batman...or Dorothy...give him a 70's fro...the possibilities are endless.
Dace

User ID: 17811715
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12/07/2016 02:19 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
babymonk
J A R H E A D  (OP)

User ID: 35366372
United States
12/07/2016 02:58 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
I believe I may very well be set for the next few years! Night shift and ROW GLP bringing the big guns.

 Quoting: BRIEF


Unfortunately for me Brief, that work of art has already made an appearance at the festivities last year ...

Geeze, EVERY Jarhead KNOWS the 2016 Neiman Marcus Christmas Gift of the year is a 16x20 full sepia picture of Mad Dog Mattis.
 Quoting: WHITE GLOVES


In all fairness, I wouldn't feel right about that ... not without getting it matted and framed !!

How about emergency rations!
 Quoting: Astral Goat


Brother-in-law has MREs as a fallback plan every couple of years Goat ...

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73430461


Interactivity and straight up wholesome fun ... CONTENDER!

Medex offers a complete line of A/V Plugs in a variety of sizes and colors...
 Quoting: R.P. McMurphy


I had to look these up McMurphy ... and I could have lived the rest of my life without knowing they ever existed ... CONTENDER!

Putin riding a bear action figure.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 72267068


If it wasn't 75 bucks I'd buy it for myself!

You could try the Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery starter kit?

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 63611024


So I find this ... and I about click away from the page ... and then I notice "Breeding Combat Hamsters" ...
[link to www.amazon.com (secure)]

This is getting ordered today!


 Quoting: Dace


Baby Harambe there might be difficult to find, but these Jesus magnets are definite CONTENDERS!

These are fucking fantastic! MOAR!!
"We're gonna win so much you may even get tired of winning and you'll say please, please Mr. president, It's too much winning! We can't take it anymore!" ~Donald Trump, April 11, 2016

Benghazi. We remembered you. ~JypsieWind, November 8, 2016
Al Magus

User ID: 73510667
Turkey
12/07/2016 03:00 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...

Chandalier
J A R H E A D  (OP)

User ID: 73560280
United States
12/07/2016 03:29 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
trumpsanta
"We're gonna win so much you may even get tired of winning and you'll say please, please Mr. president, It's too much winning! We can't take it anymore!" ~Donald Trump, April 11, 2016

Benghazi. We remembered you. ~JypsieWind, November 8, 2016
J A R H E A D  (OP)

User ID: 73560280
United States
12/07/2016 07:49 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
tittybump
"We're gonna win so much you may even get tired of winning and you'll say please, please Mr. president, It's too much winning! We can't take it anymore!" ~Donald Trump, April 11, 2016

Benghazi. We remembered you. ~JypsieWind, November 8, 2016
Malu nli

User ID: 70234462
United States
12/07/2016 07:51 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
a box of faulty condoms



it may take a few months to be funny

Last Edited by Malu nli on 12/07/2016 07:51 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 72267068
United States
12/07/2016 08:24 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
Bubble Wrap Lingerie. Everyone love bubble wrap.

Monty Python Knight action figure. He gets cut into pieces.

"You have been poisoned" glass. Perfect for in-laws or other enemies.
J A R H E A D  (OP)

User ID: 35366372
United States
12/07/2016 09:53 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
hahah

you are one funny mother fucker jar head
 Quoting: ^TrInItY^


bow

I've had some great ones over the years ... but I pale in comparison to some of these sick fucks ... I love it!

Did you see McMurphy's dead guy ass plug ... EPIC!
"We're gonna win so much you may even get tired of winning and you'll say please, please Mr. president, It's too much winning! We can't take it anymore!" ~Donald Trump, April 11, 2016

Benghazi. We remembered you. ~JypsieWind, November 8, 2016
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 54513945
United States
12/07/2016 10:07 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
the tug toner

Dace

User ID: 18012943
United States
12/07/2016 10:42 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
and perhaps my favorite ...

Shave Me Barbie ... with real pubic hair glued on.

 Quoting: J A R H E A D


weirdthread
TheToolMan

User ID: 71489331
United States
12/07/2016 10:43 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
How about a Moochie Michelle?
"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 72337278
United Kingdom
12/07/2016 10:44 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
DOn't worry OP

The World ends before Christmas anyway.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22305675
Denmark
12/07/2016 10:49 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
A bible would seem rebelius enough
Dace

User ID: 18012943
United States
12/07/2016 10:55 AM
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Re: I need some help GLP ...
You can also snap a small portion off the end of a dead, leafless limb...get a ribbon and tie a used shotgun shell to it.

When they ask WTF you sing to them *It's a cartridge in a bare tree*
WHEEZY

User ID: 73329415
United States
12/07/2016 08:31 PM

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Re: I need some help GLP ...
You could try the Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery starter kit?
.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 63611024


chuckle and you don't have to sue anyone when the surgery
only finds a "this room for rent" sign where the brain should be.

FOUR TERMS FOR OUR PRESIDENT!
WHEEZY

User ID: 73329415
United States
12/07/2016 08:33 PM

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Re: I need some help GLP ...
You can also snap a small portion off the end of a dead, leafless limb...get a ribbon and tie a used shotgun shell to it.

When they ask WTF you sing to them *It's a cartridge in a bare tree*
 Quoting: Dace


dance
FOUR TERMS FOR OUR PRESIDENT!





GLP