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Old sayings that are funny

 
cj33z
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10/05/2016 08:17 AM
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Old sayings that are funny
I can remember grandparents and other family members using some of the weirdest/funniest sayings.....here are a few

Shit fire and save the matches!

That mud is ass deep on a high chief!

I ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of!

Share some of yours GLP!
Everything is bullshit
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:27 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
If you stick your elbow out too far, it might go home in another car
darth
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10/05/2016 08:29 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Old Texas saying: "It's time to paint our butts white and run with the antelope".

I'm not even sure what that means.
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:32 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Old person saying "ww3 started in the middle east but im still here nig"
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:32 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
"I gotta go see a man about a dog." man says it when he has to go pee.
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:34 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
vini vidi kiki
vini visi vici
vini vini vini
vini vici vici
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:46 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Massachusetts saying: Light dawns first on Marblehead.
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:55 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Grandmother refuses to take pills of any kind. "It's a slippery slope between aspirin and crack."
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 08:56 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs! (Disbelief/surprise)

Bob's yer uncle & Fanny's yer aunt (Exactly)

I used to have one of those but the leg fell off (When you can't understand what someone is saying)

Donkeys years (A long time)

Corporation pop (Tap water)


Put wood int thole (Shut the door)

A bite out the door with jam on (What me mam used to say when I asked her what's for dinner)
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:00 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Old Texas saying: "It's time to paint our butts white and run with the antelope".

I'm not even sure what that means.
 Quoting: darth 70183558


:racist5:
Artemis Rand

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10/05/2016 09:05 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
It's as cold as a well diggers ass outside....
AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM:

KICKING ASS, KILLING NAZIS, KILLING COMMIES, MAKING BABIES, BUILDING CITIES, EXPLORING SPACE, GOING TO THE MOON, AND PUTTING THE "CIVIL" IN CIVILIZATION SINCE 1776!

******************************

But I tell you this man, I tell you this, I carry an aura of "fuck you" everywhere I go and while I may not cause scenes I can sure as hell continue them and escalate them but good.

******************************

There is going to be a second revolution folks.

Count on it - and it will be the citizens against the government.

It will be damn bloody. It will be a war of attrition. It will result in over 100 million dead.

The heavy handedness of the government - the fascists in code enforcement and animal control especially - have brought this upon themselves.
ALEXISTAN

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10/05/2016 09:06 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Katie, bar the door.

From Australia: "Map of Taz"
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:07 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
to say yes and agree
say would a one legged duck swin in cercles
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:07 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear
needmore

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10/05/2016 09:08 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
It's colder than a whores heart
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:08 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
a hair cut
need that suede snipping
DEPLORABLE Trueforger

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10/05/2016 09:17 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Any grease, anti-seize compound, any lubricant we call,"Veiner schlider"
Blacksmith King of Trades
I make your tool DEPLORABLE
MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN VULGARIAN
LOVE TRUMP'S DEPLORABLE HATE
Wisconsin=Deplorable Honey Badger State
"We have to re-jigger it" VULGARIAN
"Tough times don't last, Tough People do." DEPLORABLE
Artemis Rand

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10/05/2016 09:27 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Why change dicks in the middle of a screw, vote for Nixon in 72'.
AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM:

KICKING ASS, KILLING NAZIS, KILLING COMMIES, MAKING BABIES, BUILDING CITIES, EXPLORING SPACE, GOING TO THE MOON, AND PUTTING THE "CIVIL" IN CIVILIZATION SINCE 1776!

******************************

But I tell you this man, I tell you this, I carry an aura of "fuck you" everywhere I go and while I may not cause scenes I can sure as hell continue them and escalate them but good.

******************************

There is going to be a second revolution folks.

Count on it - and it will be the citizens against the government.

It will be damn bloody. It will be a war of attrition. It will result in over 100 million dead.

The heavy handedness of the government - the fascists in code enforcement and animal control especially - have brought this upon themselves.
Artemis Rand

User ID: 71159242
United States
10/05/2016 09:31 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
I'm about to have a conniption fit the size of Texas.

That was one I made up when I was a teen.
AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM:

KICKING ASS, KILLING NAZIS, KILLING COMMIES, MAKING BABIES, BUILDING CITIES, EXPLORING SPACE, GOING TO THE MOON, AND PUTTING THE "CIVIL" IN CIVILIZATION SINCE 1776!

******************************

But I tell you this man, I tell you this, I carry an aura of "fuck you" everywhere I go and while I may not cause scenes I can sure as hell continue them and escalate them but good.

******************************

There is going to be a second revolution folks.

Count on it - and it will be the citizens against the government.

It will be damn bloody. It will be a war of attrition. It will result in over 100 million dead.

The heavy handedness of the government - the fascists in code enforcement and animal control especially - have brought this upon themselves.
anonymous coward
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10/05/2016 09:32 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Obama is worse than a "one legged" Obama at a "kick ass contest"
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:36 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
she cries poverty with a virginia ham under each arm

he has less brains than a halloween mask

shit in one hand want in the other and see which fills up first
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:36 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
don't know shit
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:46 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Curiosity of my old man:

Shit in one hand and wish with the other and see which one comes first.

You got more excuses than Carter's got pills...
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:51 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
You don't know shit from Shinola.
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:54 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
If you like your doctor you can keep your doctor.
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 09:58 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Colder than a witches tit.
dogman17

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10/05/2016 10:00 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Be good for goodness sake.
Just don't make anything up.
Deplorable Dace

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Puerto Rico
10/05/2016 10:08 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
*sound of thunder*

Grandma : " That's just Uncle Josh rollin' his tater' wagon. :

-----------------------------------------------------------

(song /rhyme I remember my great Grandpa sang):

"Casey Jones, comin' round the bend,
a' loaded down with Chinamen.
The boiler busted and the engine split,
and all you could see was Chinamen shit."
anonymous coward
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10/05/2016 10:13 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
Well dip me in sh_t and call me STINKY.
Ol Miss
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10/05/2016 10:15 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
I can remember my Gramma in Missouri saying
'Its raining pitchforks and n*gger babies"
Never really understood it though...
Anonymous Coward
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10/05/2016 11:21 AM
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Re: Old sayings that are funny
put THAT in your pipe and smoke it





GLP