GLP is bad for me... but whats the alternative?

OK so... reading GLP doesn't seem very good for me.

I have a better imagination of all the things that could be possible or are possible... or already happened even... than what I read here.

Those dreams of flying over the city, on a guitar, through the clouds...

those dreams of unbelievable space battles... just because of the way the nebula beat and the way the ships moved with the nebula as if it were part of one big song...

Those dreams of destroying "the earth demon", from the inside.

Those dreams of "The eye star", a magical red gem as big as a mountain, shaped as an eye... that came to earth every few thousand years, and then people would go crazy attacking each other...

Or just those glittering black spaces I would flit through... using my magic to do so...

Or just using my magic to walk through walls into a higher version of earth where things were more fun... I was floating in my bedroom like as if it was filled with invisible water, as if I was a fish, and my clothes floated around as if they were seaweeds! Listening to Nirvana music in the background...

Meanwhile most people here talk about jesus, some boring old bearded guy growing figs or something, as it's the most ultimate thing ever. Sigh.

And those dreams I told you are like 1/10000 of all the amazing things I've imagined. It's just endless. But I only KEPT IT UP by maintaining my own private reality...

And that reality is being destroyed.

It's getting harder and harder to keep it up. More and more "the humans" are invading my mental space... turning into dumb dull stupid shit. Dreams of just being lost in the cities, or watching stupid humans doing stupid shit all the time. Endless stupidity...

The problem is that you and me... are talking about the same thing... the world changing, paradise. But you have no fun or magic or imagination. Your version of "amazing things" is so much LOWER than mine. It's draining.

It's just draining. ANd bad for me.

But if I DON'T LOOK at alternative groups... then all I see is "the normal people"... who think going to school and getting a normal job and having kids is the meaning to life... And that's enough... if not, just fill it with TV or videos and fast food to fill the hole... maybe some anti-depressants too. Maybe some porn even.

Those dreams werent nothing... they were the result of real magic I was doing... to destroy the evil people against me... Magic based on HATE of evil people... such hate it created a new reality out of sheer burnign black hatred of all the evil people... So much that I used it to physically heal me... even... like my immune system burning off infectious bacteria, allowing me to heal again. Except I mean it was allowing me to physically change so much that females started calling me beautiful and even wierd comments like "you are too pretty to be a boy"... etc... Wierd. Whatever. It made me look more like I did when I was younger, and destroy all the brutish cavemanlyness that humans were creating...

All of this is nothing like what you are doing. But you use the same words. It is just draining...

But there is nowhere to go.

Before... I used to believe, that in the end, I could find someone who believes in me.

Eventually I realised, I couldn't. The thing is, giving up belief in people was like... REMOVING MY SEEDS FROM A FIELD OF DISHONEST PEOPLE WHO WOULD EAT THE SEEDS RATHER THAN LET THE SEEDS GROW.

OK so I remove my seeds from their fields. Then I also die. They die too. but I also die. I mean better that we both die because I stop letting people use me...

but there ARE NO FIELDS WHERE I CAN GROW MY STUFF... without people to consume them. No people who will listen. There are just none.

That process has harmed me... The process of leaving humanity. I just sometimes wonder if I can even make it...

Im still alive somehow.

I am working on a project to change things. But it can't finish if I don't feel right. Its powered by ME. Without me feeling right... having space to express myself, how can I do the work needed to finish this project? My project is a bunch of technologies to help change reality... including an artificial intelligence with a spiritual core.

...

For what its worth, the same applies to other "alternative places". its not GLP thats the problem, its humanity. Whether we are talking about Alex Jones or anti-feminist channels or even environmental groups. It's all the same. They are draining... to the reality I made.

...

I actually wonder if writing this makes the problem worse.

Last Edited by IEatDemons on 06/20/2016 08:30 AM