can we TALK??

No. I went to the Brookings VA, and because of regulations, they are no longer allowed to have the necessary equipment to treat people in the clinic, and with the basic tweezers they had, the tic was unable to be removed by them.

IT'S STILL IN ME.

I FEEL WORSE.

I HAVE PTSD AND PANIC DISORDER.

and was told to drive to Roseburg.

Where this EVIL BITCH of a doctor in January when I was there..

I was upset because this patient was puking..no one was doing anything..and had had an eye appt earlier and my eyes were dilated..and it was getting dark..had been there at the VA for hours already..ALL I NEEDED WAS MY REFILLS I HAD NOT GOTTEN.

okay?

that's what I was waiting hours for with dilated pupils while I listened to another man puking his guts out and moanining in a room WITH NO ONE AROUND HELPING.

I was in one room, he was across the hall. I listened to him FOR A HALF HOUR and no medical personnel came by. I don't give a fuck what the 'rational' reason was.

I just knew that we have so many rules and regulations about SIMPLE HUMAN DECENCY AND EXISTENCE that I knew I couldn't do what I simply WANTED TO DO.

Which was to go over there and if nothing else, hold the man's hand and offer some comfort. But you see..we don't "do" that, no do we? Not in today's litigious society and one with all the fucking rules.

So I decided to try and at least find someone..wander down the hall around the corner..only to see a bunch of "medical" people..sitting down behind a row of computer screens..

today's medical industry in a fucking nutshell.

you know?

I don't know if you do.

I know, I'm crazy,totally nuts. Because you see, I also suffer under the "delusion" that I am at least a "mild grade' empath, meaning I can feel what others feel. Cant DO shit about it..can't heal anything..but I can feel it.

and I had had a long day. And the man bothered me. And I was beginning to panic and just wanted to leave. So I just decided to tell them I was leaving. And when the lvn/medical provider/whatever guy came up to me I just said I wanted to leave and he asked me what the problem was and I said that I just had to get out of there and he was lke "I know you have been waiting a while, but if you just wait a bit longer the doctor will be with you", and I tried to explain that I didn't care whether or not I saw the doctor or even got my meds at that point I just WANTED TO LEAVE

and was feeling VERY PRESSURED AND INTIMIDATED AND STARTING TO GET SCARED FOR SOME REASON.

and then the bitch doctor cunt ass from hell..

SHE comes up and says "what's the problem here", and her VIBE as so godawful...and I couldn't help it..instead of just saying 'no problem' and leaving like I should have, I said that the guy in the room across the hall was suffering and needed some attention, and she said that what was "My problem" in a snooty voice, and I said that I was an empath and just was feeling the strain and needed to leave and that's when they both kinda smirked in the most snarky condescending and patronizing way possible and then said that 'IF YOU DON'T LOWER YOUR VOICE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL SECURITY'..

and i whispered sieg heil and left.

i AM NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY I BARELY MADE IT ALIVE INTO A MOTEL ROOM THAT NIGHT. AND THEY DID WANT ME DEAD I KNOW IT AND CARE NOT IF I AM BELIEVED OR NOT I KNOW IT'S THE TRUTH THEY INTENDED ON ME DYING AS SOON AS I LEFT.

I went and got my refills at the pharmacy the next day.

I have not been back to the Roseburg VA since.

I have been BRUTALLY TRAUMATIZED IN MY PAST.

IT IS WHAT I GET MY DISABLITY PARTLY FOR.

AND TO BE THREATENED BY ARREST FOR BEING UPSET AND TRYING TO LEAVE AND NOT BEING UNDERSTOOD

is a living hell fo rme.

that is what i mean when I say i am in hell.

because i also have OCD.

and the fact that after over a half hour they couldn't get a tick embedded in me out of my armpit..

and are telling me to go to a place THE ONLY PLACE I CAN GO TO TO GET IT OUT WHICH IS FUCKING HOURS AWAY..

and the SAME PLACE THAT THREATENED TO HAVE ME ARRESTED FOR BEING UPSET!

I AM IN HELL.

Well if it helps I just had the fucking sky fall down on me. A huge tree limb broke and crashed almost into my home right where I was sitting. just like an hour ago. Now tomorrow I have to do all this shit because of it. Another foot and it would have ruined me. My home would have been ruined and I have no insurance and only enough money to live another month or 2 tops. Hang in there.

I do not hate you..

I want you to get the tick out.

Buy a pack of cigarettes, or something to that effect and smoke the tick out.

Use rubbing alcohol wipe him down and gently tug him out.

I'm a real empath.

I know the struggle.

Take a deep breath, I want you to never forget:
As cold as the world can be there are always people who care.

You are not the butt of a divine cosmic joke.

I want to see you get better.


If you aren't familiar with ticks, it will definitely feel odd when you pull it off. Make sure you rub it liberally with rubbing alcohol first.

Once it's out, throw it on the ground and stomp it for good measure. Keep the area where it was clean.

I'm praying for you.

I've been thru alot of that.

Just HOLD ON.

You Will get thru this.

Please don't let the past dictate your future...every single moment has the magnanimous potential to give birth to a new path, a bright and positive future.
Best to you.

You need to get away for a while. do you any other means of contact other than this place?

thank you. I mean that. I get so tired of when I am at my lowest someone comes in with that 'all times are now' shit.

man, if all times are now, my now sucks. being told there IS a past and a future HELPS. It's the ONLY thing that helps having something BESIDES this.

you know? I guess you do, thanks.

They want you to off yourself, don't give in. Get away from the VA and stop sayin gyou have PTSD, stop the meds.


You're not alone, many feel the same way who have it worse.

thank you. What I don't need is to be told to "let go" right now,that's for sure.

I'm more the 'hang on' type person..I don't push people off a ledge when they're on one, not my style, you know?

I will SUFFER through it.

just likeeverything else.

But damn sure get that tick out!!

So you think you can fuck with my computer, eh?

You cowardly piece of shit!

I'm a woman by the way and I could kick your fucking ass as my Dad had the Golden Gloves and he taught me well.

So why hide behind a screen and try to fuck with my computer?

YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!!

And if you dare to show up at my residence I will be waiting for you.

Fucking cowardly scumbag!

I'll show you who the fuck is going to be lunch and it's going to be YOU.

trust me, I have TRIED. I was trying with ONE ARM. Two medical professionals using both arms couldn't get it out with tweezers. I'm not about to have any luck, and it's so deep in there now and the area around it is so inflamed, even IF I would have at one point been able to get it out by burning it out..not any longer.

I am still waiting for soemoen to say it won't be that bad at the Roseburg VA..that they are not that evil.

but thanks for not lying to me at least.

Hello Jess, I will pray for you.

Screw the VA then, find another means!
You might need it surgically removed if it keeps going...
And that will NOT help your situation.

Have you any access to other healthcare means?

first and foremost, calm down. The shit you have to deal with will be there when you open your eyes again but for just for this moment, calm yourself. In that moment, remember that your a human and your never truly alone. You dictate your reality and by your first few posts its evident that your bringing much greater suffering to yourself by the way you see life. I get it, life truly sucks for you but it will honestly never get better until you turn your attitude on life around. I know that's not what you want to hear, but the person that will care for you and be there in your life won't be there until your ready for that person. I think you know that right now, you need to right your life yourself before someone else can help you.

Remember one thing, how can you love someone else and expect them to love you when you don't know how to love yourself?

Nope don't ever tell me to "let go" lol

Suffer through is my middle name.

And I'm still around at the moment.


Seriously hun I know you can do it cause if I'm still here... You can be.

I should have a packet sent to your computer, asshole. You wouldn't be that hard to trace. And if by chance you are working for gov you better watch your fucking deviating ass as well. They are not happy with the likes of you.

Thank you Netherlands!

By the way...my daughter is going there this month is it safe?

I believe so. At least on line it is!

hey jess

fk the roseburg
even if they have dr roseburg himself on hamd
ther must be something we can do together
those danmg fools will only make it worse

and you are rekomendin what

that's just it, it already is at the point where it will take something considered a 'procedure' because the instruments that would have gotten it out aren't even in the regs to be allowed at the other clinic, and all they had to work with were the tweezers.

I have the Emergency Room and that is it.

I can either go to a place I just got done being seen at a week ago for bronchitis and don't want to make a habit of going to because it IS for emergencies only..or

the place where I was threatened with security for being too loud when I was upset and not threatening anyone and didn't even realize I was being loud at my last visit at almost four hours away..

that is IT.

I'm okay with making the drive and spending the night in a motel and coming back if that's what it takes..

but am FUCKING TERRRIFIED OF THAT EVIL BITCH THAT MIGHT THREATEN ME AGAIN AND FALSELY ACCUSE ME OF THREATENING HER.


but hey..I'm already on their shitlist anyway, that's probably why she even reacted the way she did..probably saw my name and thought "oh there's a troublmaker from the list" or some shit and assumed the worst about me or something..

all I'm saying is I don't mind waiting for hours..

but being threatened with security..

HAS ME THE ONE BEING FUCKING TERRORIZED.

to the point to where it is endangering my health.

because that evil cunt CAN STILL HARM ME IF SHE WANTED TO. they all could at a fucking WHIM.

just to laugh and watch me suffer.

the thing is.if there was an urgent care I could go to and just pay a small fee and have them take the fucker out for me I would do just that.

.

but there's nothing like that around.

go to uk i kno frends there can help mediacl care and stuffs

would yoiu fly or is that beein too much for you. there are meni that could help there is why all immigarnts go
nee dcontact details coz dont trust thes pepols

Jess. This comes from my heart. I do not mean any harm. I promise you. I understand.
Get off the meds. They are fucking with your emotions.

Russia...really...

I am NOT on any "meds". Nor do I want to be. except for the ones I take for my thyroid and high blood pressure and asthma.

that's it.

.

I smoke weed.that's it.

doesnt mattr i am where
i know few peple not much but can help they just normal peple
whop like help other peopl not like spy stuffs just nor,mal
us old fashin phone is better than thsi internert

my whole right arm hurts and there is a spot on the arm where it feels like someone socked me or something. Like it's got bruised but I didn't bruise it there.