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| 02:59 PM | ||
| Users Online Now: 2,433 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 1,291,966 | |
| Pageviews Today: 1,840,942 | Threads Today: 507 | Posts Today: 9,701 |
| 02:59 PM | ||
Serious divorce question | |
Larry D. Croc
 User ID: 70736097  United States03/13/2016 09:10 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | And insure, time and again, your kids know that THEY had no part in the divorce; regardless of how old they are. "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell, where they already have it." Ronald Reagan The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so." Ronald Reagan |
| nikki nikita
User ID: 71071950 United States03/13/2016 09:12 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | And this is why our world is fucked up... don't listen to people like this, walk away, take NOTHING, be happy. Quoting: The Scientist this is an option. I was so pissed that he left the house a mess when he moved out, junk everywhere. I'm still cleaning up after 9 months. and he's free and clear to get drunk in his apartment with no responsibility. being in AA is about changing your life. self examination. survival. healing. most alcoholics die early. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71268490 United States03/13/2016 09:18 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Put a few boxes of portant papers etc in a storage bin where he can't get them. Include copies of ALL titles deeds registrations mortgage papers marriage license and financial accounts- you will have to providenit all to the lawyer. Make sure you have his account numbers of he has life insurance or Pension funds or IRAs etc. you won't get it later. This is critical* Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71268490 The one that leaves the house loses Maybe he filed papers maybe he didn't Many women are fooled into acting - and then losing because he claims it was HER idea- or he tells you he will be a gentleman and let YOU file first This is chess not checkers...and if kids are involved you better get your head on straight and wake up... This is now about MONEY and Not LOVE. Can you support the kids on your pay? Can you provide a place to live? Dig in deep. Start sorting and have a yard sale and sell some stuff on craigslist to lighten up. The house will sell faster if the excess is out. And kids move easier in the summer between school. But DO NOT MOVE OUT- his lawyeright have told him to GET YOU TO MOVE by being obnoxious etc. Many women made dinner for the family and had to sit at the family table with the soon to be ex while he pretended to the kids everything was normal and wyent to his girlfriends house on weekends. He even gets his laundry done! And believe me he could not care less! He is staking his claim to the house by occupying it as long as his lawyer tells him and then it's bye bye . Take photos NOW before items are taken or disappear - make sure to photo all the closets and the TOOLS in the garage and watch every penny he spends in the checking. Get your own checking account NOW. Use the joint account for household needs and the children as usual. Start separating funds. You have a lot ahead of you. The Japanese word for divorce is "dangerous opportunity" - make the most of it. Remember NEVER say anything negative or bad about the father to the kids. They can TAKE The kids AWAY if he can prove you bad-mouthed him! And it's bad for the kids in the long run. Let them be shielded from your difficulties. If you fall apart they might too- if you keep it together the kids will do fine. And this is why our world is fucked up... don't listen to people like this, walk away, take NOTHING, be happy. Unless this lady makes six figures she can't afford to TAKE NOtHING - and legally she gets half so what's your problem? Children are involved. How do you make a place for them to live without BEDS and Couch and Table - dishes and towels and toys? Take nothing? Children need some consistency. Their beds and toys go with them. And whatever it takes to provide for their daily needs. Yeah - I'd say the world if effed up by damaged people like you that can't see the kids needs over your own bitterness. Did someone "steal" YOUR stuff? It's the product of an economic PARTNERSHIP and each gets their own plus the kids GET THEIRS. PS I Suggest therapy for you anger issues and bitterness. You really think kids should leave with NOTHING? I bet your kids don't talk to you. I have a great relationship with mine because ai PUT THE CHILDREN FIRST in all the negotiations. |
| Malu nli
User ID: 48772737 United States03/13/2016 09:30 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | And this is why our world is fucked up... don't listen to people like this, walk away, take NOTHING, be happy. Quoting: The Scientist this is an option. I was so pissed that he left the house a mess when he moved out, junk everywhere. I'm still cleaning up after 9 months. and he's free and clear to get drunk in his apartment with no responsibility. being in AA is about changing your life. self examination. survival. healing. most alcoholics die early. most = 95% the odds are against us, i just celebrated 10 years and i have no illusions that i am "past" this or "invincible" i have more tools to deal with things than someone in early recovery, but i am still only one drink away from disaster when i went through a separation i was still drinking and a full blown idiot, but i walked away from everything but the clothes on my back, including the home, i had a job though, but i walked away clean now i have more materialistic crap than i know what to do with again and am about ready to give it all away again. it means nothing to me concentrate on your connection with your higher power, your sobriety/mental health, your children, nothing else really matters, those three things can not be replaced |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71630041 United States03/13/2016 09:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | google search for planning a divorce you will find good links like 9 Critical Steps Women Should Take To Prepare For Divorce Divorce Checklists and Worksheets - Divorce Source Financial Planning Divorce Checklists/Worksheets | Divorce ... Divorce Planning - Brilliant Exits and a lot more |
| faint
(OP) User ID: 70452665 United States03/13/2016 09:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| faint
(OP) User ID: 70452665 United States03/13/2016 09:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | So you fucked up by getting married and did not look to the future and see this happening? I don't believe in astrology, and we got along when we got married. Things just started going downhill about three years ago and snowballed starting in Nov '14. Thanks for your um, input. Formerly faint |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 69628184 United States03/13/2016 09:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. If your husband had you quit your job, then from a legal standpoint he is responsible. You can most likely get alimony from him due to your unemployment being at his request and direction. Nail him to the wall for his finances, |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71266041  Singapore03/13/2016 09:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | So you fucked up by getting married and did not look to the future and see this happening? I don't believe in astrology, and we got along when we got married. Things just started going downhill about three years ago and snowballed starting in Nov '14. Thanks for your um, input. faint,as a suggestion-say with your parents or friends ..don't stay alone or you might start drinking i would suggest,you stay in same house which you built-just divide it in half so you dont have to get used to new environment |
| faint
(OP) User ID: 70452665 United States03/13/2016 10:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | So you fucked up by getting married and did not look to the future and see this happening? I don't believe in astrology, and we got along when we got married. Things just started going downhill about three years ago and snowballed starting in Nov '14. Thanks for your um, input. faint,as a suggestion-say with your parents or friends ..don't stay alone or you might start drinking i would suggest,you stay in same house which you built-just divide it in half so you dont have to get used to new environment I'm staying with my mom right now because he was/is unsupportive of my recovery and it was a highly toxic environment. My mom, OTOH, has offered to go to meetings and is reading the "big book" along with me. He claims he does not have time to go to an open AA meeting or AlAnon, despite the fact he was just laid off but has a side business he runs at his leisure. This is what I'm dealing with. Formerly faint |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 70619332 United States03/13/2016 10:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be? Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation. You should talk to a lawyer BEFORE moving out. This could be portrayed as you "abandoning" the kids. The only thing more expensive than a lawyer is NOT having a lawyer. Good luck. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71266041 Singapore03/13/2016 10:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25685052 So you fucked up by getting married and did not look to the future and see this happening? I don't believe in astrology, and we got along when we got married. Things just started going downhill about three years ago and snowballed starting in Nov '14. Thanks for your um, input. faint,as a suggestion-say with your parents or friends ..don't stay alone or you might start drinking i would suggest,you stay in same house which you built-just divide it in half so you dont have to get used to new environment I'm staying with my mom right now because he was/is unsupportive of my recovery and it was a highly toxic environment. My mom, OTOH, has offered to go to meetings and is reading the "big book" along with me. He claims he does not have time to go to an open AA meeting or AlAnon, despite the fact he was just laid off but has a side business he runs at his leisure. This is what I'm dealing with. my good wishes...recover and deal with problems..life isn't over and lots of things to do |
| faint
(OP) User ID: 70452665 United States03/13/2016 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I have to get ready for church and then AA, but there are some serious financial issues (he hid and spent $50k of our money without consulting me, for example) that I'd like to address later and bump this. I'm not stupid, I dug and figured all this out. And I was/am livid. Formerly faint |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45432241 United States03/13/2016 10:08 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71630041 United States03/13/2016 10:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 70175159 United States03/13/2016 10:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Best solution (which is what I did) is to pack what you really need, clothes, computer, phone, personal documents and then walk away from the past. Quoting: The Scientist Take NOTHING more. You will feel refreshed and liberated building a new life for yourself free of the shackles of history. Fighting over stuff and being reminded of the past by stuff, will ultimately mentally degrade you and will lose any chance of an amicable separation which is fundamental if you have children. ^^^THIS^^^ |
| Mr Anti- PC
User ID: 71652143  Canada03/13/2016 10:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Epic Beard Guy
User ID: 69561889 United States03/13/2016 10:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My ex just didn't come home for two weeks. When she did come back, the fight over kids and property started. There were only a couple of things we really fought over. The kids were young, but they knew what was going on. Since the ex moved out, I kept most of the stuff, and the kids stayed with me until the bitch got settled. We had a shared custody agreement, because it seemed easiest on the kids. In retrospect, I probably should have tried to keep them away from the crazy bitch. Her excuse for wanting a divorce, "I don't know what I want, but it isn't you". That lasted a while then she decided it was "You haven't changed".  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. "America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." -- Claire Wolfe |
| BRIEF
User ID: 39607259 United States03/13/2016 10:57 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on. Quoting: faint I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend. If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it. Thanks. I was married for almost 10 years, she left the kids and I two weeks before Christmas that year. I kept everything except the new Van I bought her for our 9th anniversary and her clothes. I gave her enough cash to live on and pay for school until she could graduate and get a job. I WILL NEVER MOVE FROM MY HOME. My house was built in the 1800's and has stood the test of time, including floods and earthquakes. I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked.  |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 69759448 United States03/13/2016 11:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71049297 United States03/13/2016 11:14 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | When I sold that place three years later there were still unopened boxes. I never had the strength to unpack stuff. I just sold the house as is and walked. It was the right thing to do. Don't let possessions possess you. Don't bail on your children, be a parent first, and don't start banging dudes around your kids. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 70174325 United States03/13/2016 11:16 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| BRIEF
User ID: 39607259 United States03/13/2016 11:17 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Marriage takes work and it is not easy. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69759448 Divorce is for quitters, good luck when next one does not work out either. Wonder what the problem is..... It also takes two. I was willing, and I thought things were going great...she was depressed at lot, and still is, even after another divorce and now shacking up with a boyfriend...but yeah, it takes work on both sides of the equation. I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
| BRIEF
User ID: 39607259 United States03/13/2016 11:18 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Everyone gets divorced because of personal flaws and a lack of insight into them. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70174325 Yup, my ex left and then came back saying that her problems weren't my fault after all, LOL Duh? Last Edited by BRIEF on 03/13/2016 11:18 AM I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
| train
User ID: 71276461 United States03/13/2016 11:19 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Lostbutfound
User ID: 47609226 United States03/13/2016 11:21 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Indeed. It is heartbreaking. I can't even see them and he rarely lets then talk to me, and directs all the dialouge. My wife does that a lot. Like a damn goalie. Truth is never told, only realized The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Proverbs 9:10 |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 71263138 United States03/13/2016 11:22 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | OP/Faint! LOL Your husband sounds like a real smart cookie. He lets you know he's got a Attorney? Divorce on the way? I'm guessing it's a Threat toward you. If he went to a Attorney? Here's what a Good one would say-- "It's Cheaper to keep her.." Unless, you were Screwing the Harlem Globe Trotters and your kids were watching it take place. Your Hubby is going to take a blood bath in his stupidity. Using all my intuition, knowing only what I have read from your posts. You my Dear! Have him by the short hairs! Someone is leaving alright and it's not YOU! You have no Job, which he made you quit. He took 50G's! OMG! He's screwed! Nobody can be this stupid! If I hadn't seen some of your post on here before I would think it was all BS! If I were you, I would buy some Expensive sunglasses because no matter how bad it is. Your Future is looking Pretty Bright! "Behind every dark cloud there's a silver lining" All the Best to you Faint! :-) Please do make some updates. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 63582063 United States03/13/2016 11:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| train
User ID: 71276461 United States03/13/2016 11:25 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Whatever you do, stay true to your kids and stay sober. When you're done with the pity party, get pissed and go after him by keeping the house and settling his theft/loss of funds. And, good luck. When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you--You know your nation is doomed. Ayn Rand |
| nikki nikita
User ID: 71071950 United States03/13/2016 11:35 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | faint, I'm starting to wonder if you are the alcoholic in the relationship. does he drink, manipulate, the $50k is an indication of some problems, yes, and toxic relationship. sounds like he's gaslighting you. mine did that to me. he would be free and clear to drink as long as I looked like the drunk. once he left I had no desire to drink and was only doing it to escape the toxic. weird. |
