Quitting Weed - I Hate Society

I grew up with drug addicts all around me and because of this I was adamantly against all drug use as a kid, I took a drag off a cigarette around age 10 and was nearly sick and my first time drunk I was 16 and told my mom ahead of time and she came and picked me up. My mom and grandma both got sober soon after I was born but I still remember them being dirt poor and broke and I remember going to their friends houses and they would tell us to stay outside or in a bedroom and they would get high (marijuana). Around age 10-11 I became incredibly addicted to binge reading and gaming, because my insomnia was so terrible. The only way I could sleep was by reading hundreds, up to 1,000 pages in a single sitting, or gaming until I literally fell asleep at the keyboard/controller.

I've always been incredibly introverted and I felt like I had my life stolen from me in that I was forced to sit in a classroom with people who, to me, were so far beyond stupid it made me, literally, suicidal. I found out in 4th grade I have a genius IQ, at which point my attempts to socialize and participate in school diminished further. I finally knew I really was right and they really were all idiots (sorry if I offend anyone this is how I feel and I can't change that, I am a nice person but this is just reality).

At age 19, in college, I tried my first toke. Holy shit. I didn't hate everyone. I didn't want to punch them in their stupid throats. I was hungry, like really hungry, and I could sleep on demand!! Finally no more worrying and praying (I'm agnostic, level 6 or 7, but I pray to the universe and "whatever God or godlike being may exist and be listening". The relief and the control was amazing. I couldn't believe it. I could sit still, watch a movie, talk to people for hours on end.

I made it through college and I am working full time. I make decent money, and I do respectable work (landscaping, construction, my own VERY small scale mowing business, usually my business makes me $100-$200 a week but I have made up to $700 in a week on my own). But I commute 30 minutes both ways, and working 45-55 hour weeks to make enough money (stupid student loans, I shouldn't have gone to college, such a waste if you're not planning for a job that requires it.

I've been vaporizing every day, usually all day but during very busy times (work, class, working out, swimming, internship) I would switch to only at night or after workouts, to help my maintain a solid schedule of eating and sleeping. This was 6 years ago. I quit a few times, some times with no substitute and twice with ADHD medication prescriptions. The Rx always make my sleep and eating worse, plus I have heart issues that flare up from stimulants, which is exponentially worse when I take them and eat (BP jumps up to like 130-150/100-110 when food and stimulants are combined), I tried a few things, straterra, Ritalin, dexamphetamine, but the side effects are just too terrible, straterra made me violent and projectile vomit ffs.

Well now I have an opportunity for a job with a multi million dollar construction company, the owner contacted me off Craigslist and after a 3 hour conversation (that was supposed to be a quick lunch meeting) he asked me if I ever had my IQ tested because he thought I was a genius. He offered me a job on the spot and told me to come in and shadow one of his guys later in the week. Unfortunately when he emailed me the pre application paperwork it included a drug analysis release form that includes blood and follicle testing (I have fake pee that I have used to pass numerous drug tests in the past, as you can surmise (imo) I have done well and found ways around the problems caused by weed), but I can't fake the follicle. The blood test I could pass after a few days, which I could do, but the follicle....so I explained my situation and he agreed to possibly work with me in the future but because he does DoD contracting on military bases he can't risk me working while partaking.

He said he would stay in touch and possibly when his company branches out more he could bring me in regardless of the vaping (this made me feel beyond amazing, to have only met him a few times and to have made such an impression that he would say fuck it come work for me stoned, you're obviously not negatively effected by it). This was about 2.5-3 months ago. Now my daughter was born 8 weeks ago and I really want to be able to let my wife work less (she has her masters and is a therapist) but with my current job I would have to work 60 hours a week and I honestly don't know if my body can take it (underweight and malnutrition growing up has caused me joint problems and back problems, I also have a deformity called pectus excavatum).

The company I work for now I make $14/hr, no benefits and no overtime (because technically it's subcontract seasonal work). With this other company I have no commute, opportunity to advance, benefits, and I would be doing more paperwork and office work and overseeing so less labor, which means more time in the pool & gym and less strain on my body.

Right now my last vape was Sunday night and then I had some thc infused peanut butter Monday night. This is the longest I've been voluntarily sober in 6 years. I haven't struggled until tonight, I was stupid and took a nap mid day (we've been rained out 3 days in a row, stupid ass universe, I needed that 100 degree heat and sweat and gallons of water to detox!!!!!) now I can't sleep and I feel nauseous and one of my migraines coming on (had them since childhood and would cry myself to sleep wrapped in a blanket in a blackout out room). I want this job, I want to prove I can live without weed, but there's so many things that make me angry about it and those negative emotions don't help. Stupid people, stupid laws, stupid politicians, stupid police.

I'm finding myself drawn back into obsessive competitive gaming and I feel like that is MUCH worse on my life than weed. I am very good, achieving a 2-3+ k/d ratio on call of duty and up to a 7.0 ratio on titanfall. For those who don't know, most people are happy with a 1.0 ratio, or "going positive", while I have record matches in CoD like 56-1, or 67-2, 45-0, and in titanfall I've had matches where I get 20-30+ pilot kills, 10 Titan kills and all the goal of the game mode, while 5 other people on my team combined don't even add up to half of my score. I say this not to brag, but to give you a sense of how good I am, being that good is VERY ADDICTIVE AND VERY FUN. But when I start playing my adrenaline is flowing and I become like someone on meth. Irritable, no appetite, high blood pressure, hands shaking, sweating, insomnia...etc.

I don't know where im going with this but I had to do something to take my mind off this migraine. I will also add my wife knows and endorses my vaping and prefers me UI, my family and friends all know and while some are slightly disapproving they all agree I am a nicer, better person while UI.
I feel like I use it as a medicine and it basically only improves my life except the legal aspect. I spend $60-$100 a month on it, the same I have all 6 years, and it doesn't cause a financial strain and never has. I've had times where I was highly active (before my back injury two years ago) where I bought 10 grams and with one or two small vape bowls a day it has last me 3-6 months. If I can get good mid grade a QP for $240 or so can last me 4-6 months.

Why does the law have to be so stupid? Why do people have to be so stupid?

Anyways if you have anything to say feel free, I feel better after writing all this if nothing else and my head feels a little better. Day 4, and though I feel noticeably different, I don't feel like it's necessarily positive. All my old super uncontrollable energy is coming back, I'm sleeping less each night and I know my calories are down. When I describe this I am usually met with the typical "stoner addicted withdrawal etc" but these symptoms aren't caused from quitting, they are why I started in the first place!!

Also I've been pulled over high a half a dozen times, never had a dui, I've taken a defensive driving class and talked with the officer (who, hilariously, said he specialized in spotting people UI) about our handguns for half an hour during lunch, I've gone to the police department at 2am while stoned to report suspicious activity (my neighbors house was raised by unmarked black uniformed people, they ended up being bounty hunters but they told me they were police which I could see wasn't true), and I have never been accused of being high. Multiple professors I attended daily classes with were former police officers, I always talked in class and after with them, always high, and was never accused or asked if I was UI.

Why can't I just smoke my herb and live my life in peace without people with guns stealing my money and locking me in a cage???