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Message Subject 12/19/2014
Poster Handle Anonymous Coward
Post Content
Eleven, I just saw your post today. In 1991 my sweet son died when he was 16. Eleven years later my daughter and only other child died at the age of 21. I am not a joiner so am not a member and can't PM you, so I apologize to everyone else for this long message.

The first weeks after my daughter died I hardly remember anything. I really wanted to die. No one tells you how exquisitely, physically painful grief can be. I wanted out of my body BAD. But one day, sitting on the porch on a perfect winter day, I had this intense and wonderful moment that must be called grace. This moment relayed to me a message that saved me. There would never be anything again in this life that I would fear. Twelve years later, that is still true. The worst thing happened and I don't have any idea why, but I do know I can live now without any fear at all. Nothing can ever hurt you like this again.

I made a choice then, that I would live. My mother and sister were still alive and they needed me to stay on the planet and so I did. I find value in life now by trying to help others in any way I can. I figure it can't hurt and if there's meaning in our existence...then sometimes it's probably a good thing. I am not religious, but I do have a sense of spiritual connection, which is ever changing and I work on keeping it. That helps.

I have many friends, but this awful experience and your awareness of it isolates you always from others. Loss and grief feelings bring you great empathy for others, but also is something you can't fully share in words. I guess it's like PTSD from war, you can talk to others who went through it, but it's always going to be intensely private and something alone unto you. The experience is something you will always carry. It changes your perspective in every way. Sometimes that's the best thing ever, and sometimes, not so much.

Finally, I promise you, when you can let it, the deep pain you feel now does go away. Letting go doesn't mean you've forgotten. Healing doesn't mean you leave her behind. You can learn to form a spiritual tie with your daughter that always abides and eternally brings you comfort.
If you ever want to talk, post that request here, I will find a way to get my contact info to you. All my love to you today and always. Carol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 46317298


red_heart For you Carol...God bless
 
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