October 27, 2005, the day my world was turned upside down forever.

Not so sure about that...
I think there are more valid restraining orders against male ex spouses and partners then you might imagine. Already, a few women here have told their own similar story.

Here's an article to show the point. Sadly, it is not an uncommon response, for a mentally ill loser to want to kill himself, or to think - "If I can't have her, no one will". Even taking out the whole family can happen, in their desperation.

"About 40 percent of women killed worldwide are done so by a partner, according to the World Health Organization's first global review of violence against women."
[link to www.usnews.com]

Thanks. It still hurts like hell, but time has really helped.

Wow! Your post really hit home with me.

My world turned upside down on October 19, 2005

Thread: Please Send Prayers For Rev. Stargazer And Her Family

Though our stories start out similarly, my daughter survived. 12 cranial surgeries and permanent brain damage but she is still here and I thank God every day.

Blessings to you and your family. Thank you for sharing.

That is the worse thing any parent should ever have to go through. I'm sorry for the loss of your dear loved one. If I lost one of my daughters I feel I would be destroyed.

Stay strong.

October 27, 2005 The day my world was turned upside down forever.

As the 9th anniversary of this day approaches I thought I'd share this story with my fellow GLPers. It's not something
I mention very often, but find that talking about it always helps.

Thursday, October 27, 2005 started out like any other day. I was up by 6 AM and out the door and on my way to work by 7. I made a quick stop at the local coffee shop, grabbed one to go and was at work by 7:30.

Around 9:30, just as I was sitting down for a break, my boss opened the door to my work area and handed me the phone. I was surprised to hear my ex-wife, who I very rarely talked to, on the other end telling me I better get home quick because our daughter Sandra (age 29) was missing.

"Huh?, what?, she's missing? What's going on?" Well, she said in a panicked voice "I went to her place this morning at 6am as usual to babysit the (grand) kids. But she wasn't there and the front door wasn't closed." "The kids" she said (2 boys 11, and 2 and one girl 4) "were all in there beds sound asleep but no sign of Sandra."

I was already in a daze as I swallowed hard and asked "Have the police been called?" "Yes", my ex replied "and they
are very, very concerned, especially since Ed has been making so many threats against her lately."

Ed was the man my daughter had recently separated from. They'd been together for 12 years and gave me my 3 beautiful
grandchildren. About 3 years before they split up something had changed with Ed. He quit working and started doing drugs day and night. He started hanging out with some real losers and had all but given up on being a dad. My daughter cajoled, pleaded and pretty much begged him to get a grip and start being the man he once was. But it was all to no
avail. Finally, at wits end she told him he had to leave, but left open the possibility of reconciling if he would
only change his ways. But instead of changing he kept getting worse and was rapidly becoming a drug addled zombie.
When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you."

As frightened as she was she never wavered in her refusal to take him back, and instead applied for and received
a restraining order against him. The restraining order never did do much good as he continued to harass her
without the police doing more than giving him repeated warnings.

I put the phone down, stuck my head in the bosses door and told him I had a family emergency and had to go home.
"No problem" he said. "Hope everything is okay"

Even then I had a horrible feeling that everything was definitely not okay.

I wasn't sure where to go first so I went straight to my daughter's house. A chill ran up and down my spine as I turned on to her street. It was blocked off on both ends and anyone who didn't have business being there was being turned around. I remember walking past a van that was labeled "forensics unit" as well as a canine unit truck and more police cars and vans than I could count. As I approached her house which was also cordoned off I heard my ex saying "there he is." Accompanied by two detectives she ran up to me and gave me a hug. She was a mess and I could tell by looking at her that she was totally distraught.

By now I was as much a mess as she was. The two detectives asked me some questions and I suppose, being satisfied
that I had nothing to do with Sandra's disappearance answered some of my own questions.

As near as they could tell they thought she had been lured from the house around 4am. Lured because there were
no signs of a struggle in the house and the kids had not woken up. Once outside they thought she had likely been
forced into a vehicle since she would never leave the kids home alone in the middle of the night. And since she also had to be at her job as a Personal Support Worker by 7am, there was very little chance that she'd just up and gone for a joyride at 4am.

Since there wasn't much I could do there other than watching the police scurrying about I decided to go home and await developments. The detective in charge assured me they'd call as soon as any information became available.

When I got home I started calling friends and relatives and by noon I had a house full of anxious and worried people who were trading theories and trying to reassure me and each other that it would all be okay.

To this day my most vivid memory of that whole crazy time was when two police cars followed by an unmarked car pulled up in front of my house.I looked up at my kitchen clock and at all the stunned faces in the room. It was exactly 5:03 pm when two officers and a detective got out of the unmarked car and knocked on my front door. They were followed by two women who had been in the first police cruiser. I opened the door and knew by the looks on all their faces what they were about to tell me.

A farmer west of town was out checking his property that afternoon. He had found a burned out car and in that car were what appeared to be two badly burned bodies. The detective thought it might be my daughter and her ex. "Might be?" I yelled. "Is it her or isn't it?" The officers looked at each other and then at me as the detective answered "We believe it's her."

At this point I sat down in my chair and just stared into space as the detective started talking about the investigation,autopsy, evidence and some other stuff I wasn't paying much attention to. Everyone else in the house went quiet and apart from some sobs and sniffles it was deathly still. Sensing that some of the others and I were about to lose it the ladies with the officers (who were grief counselors) took over as the officers stood by. After half an hour or so I told them all I would like to be alone with my friends and family and they left.

The investigation into my daughter's murder never determined the exact cause of her death. All they could tell for sure was that she was already dead when the car burned because there was no soot in her throat. Ed, on the other hand, did die a horrible death as he incinerated himself in the flaming wreck.

Sandra was a wonderful, devoted mother and a daughter any dad would be proud to have. She was studying to be a paramedic and was about to graduate with honors in spite of all her personal problems.

Of course I still grieve her death to this very day. But, I also realized that life must go on and if I let my grief
destroy me I'd be just as much a victim as her.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Some of the last pictures taken of Sandra in 2005



On the fifth anniversary of her murder, me and some friends put together a little memorial for her. My 2 youngest grand kids are the ones playing in the machine.

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]



Finally, one of the many news reports about her murder. All the papers listed her age as 32 but it was actually 29.

[link to www.zoominfo.com]

My sentiments as well... hope no one else on GLP ever has to deal with a tragedy like this.