I believe your story and that you are being truthful.
Reading your posts I couldn't help but receive the impression that the experience you reported when you were 5 years old is very important to examine and revisit . Not so much the details of the experience itself - but the fear and negative emotions that it generated within you as a result. When you are so young the mind is not very experienced nor well-developed - and therefore you are not psychologically prepared to process such an unusual and startling experience in a healthy manner. It's okay though - that's not your fault! Therefore the natural tendency and reaction to such an experience is to suppress and repress those difficult & uncomfortable emotions that were generated. They don't get processed in a matter that allows you to release them - but rather that emotional energy is pushed out of the surface of your consciousness and stored in the subconscious mind where it will linger/fester and will continue to have an impact on you in ways that are not always easily identifiable.
I'm not saying that your unresolved fear is necessarily the direct cause of these abnormal experiences that you are reporting - but I suspect it is somehow tied to and connected with it. Therefore I feel that confronting and addressing that fear from your past may ultimately be the key to bringing about the resolution and the relief that you are longing for. If there is some type of 'bond' here that is facilitating these experiences - it would be rooted in the psychic (psychological) realm and therefore it's very important to direct your conscious energy towards releasing the fear associated with the traumatic experience from your past.
How do you feel about this perspective? Do you still feel inclined to hide and run from those emotions and the memories of that experience from your childhood?
I don't usually like to think about what happened when I was 5. Thinking about it makes me want to cry and I feel literally sick to my stomach. I don't know if it was just my imagination, as children often do think things go bump in the night. But when I think back to my childhood, I was a fairly sheltered child. My parents never watched scary movies or talked about anything of the paranormal nature. They are very scientific in their spiritual beliefs and believe everything can be explained.
I am trying to remember if anything out of the ordinary happened that day and I cant come up with anything. I remember going to my half day of kindergarten, playing duck duck goose and heads up 7up. I walked home and my Mom wasn't home yet from work, so I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When she got home she was upset with me for leaving the bread open and explained why we need to close it.
My sister came home from school and I was on her top bunk of our bunk bed and she pushed me off and told me I wasn't allowed to be up there. So I went upstairs to my Grandmas apartment and watched TV until my Dad came home and it was dinner time.
I remember we had peas with dinner that night, I hated peas. They were the canned kind. I didn't like how mushy they were, and my Mom wouldn't let me leave the table until they were finished. I sat there at the table until bedtime.
I went to sleep. I have always been able to fall asleep fairly quickly. I've been told within a few minutes of my head hitting my pillow my breathing is steady and deep.
I woke up and my house was silent, and I could hear my Dad snoring loudly. My bedroom was right next to the bathroom. From where my bed was I could turn my head to the left and see into it. We had a nightlight in there so I could see.
I got up because my mouth was dry and tasted funny. I always liked the taste of the bathroom water in the middle of the night. It always tasted better for some reason so my Mom always left a cup next to the sink for me. I took my Popple stuffed animal with me, and got my drink.
As my cup was going to my mouth I looked in the mirror. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I could feel the back of my head freezing. Its the only way I can explain the sensation. I saw a man standing behind me in front of the door. He had a smirk on his face and one eye was more open than the other. He did not look natural. His face was twisted.
I dropped my cup and my stuffed animal, my hands felt funny. Like I couldn't make a fist at all. I panicked and ran to my parents room and climbed into their bed between them. I was shaking and breathing heavy. My mom woke up and tucked me under her arm, but it didn't help. I was afraid to tell her what was happening. I thought she would be mad at me.
She whispered for me to go to sleep, but I could see him in the doorway. Staring at me. I closed my eyes as tight as I could and willed myself to calm down. I took a deep breath and held it and started letting it out slowly. When I finally opened my eyes again he was gone.
I started to fall back asleep and it must have been very shortly afterwards that I woke up again and felt like I was being pulled off the bed. I couldn't move. I wanted to scream but my mouth wouldn't move. The only thing I could move was my eyes. I was frantically looking around me but couldn't see anything. All I could feel was a cold hand around my foot trying to drag me out of the bed. I had the sensation of falling in my stomach.
I concentrated as hard as I could to move a finger, anything. As soon as I was able to move my finger the rest of my body was able to move. I started screaming. To this day I cant recreate that scream. My Dad flew out of bed, and I remember the look of terror on my mothers face and she searched my body to see if I was hurt.
My Grandmother came downstairs because she heard it and held me while I cried. She stayed on my couch with me singing Merle Haggard songs softly. We stayed like that until I fell asleep, long after the sun came up. I couldn't tell her what I saw, but I think she knew. She told me my Grandpa ( he passed away 2 years before that) was watching over me and wouldn't let anyone hurt me ever again.
After that I slept in my parents bedroom for quite a while. Every now and then I would start out in my own bed, but would end up in my parents bedroom by the end of the night. I did this until one night I went to go get into bed with my Mom and Dad and lifted the covers. He was asleep and naked. That sight was something I wish I never saw! HA! I went back to my room and told myself I had to be a big girl. I never went back to their bedroom again.
My sleep paralysis is not a constant thing. It sneaks up on me but I didn't have another sleep paralysis episode for quite a few years after that.
I should mention my living situation at that time. My parents were Managers of a motel in a small town. It had 2 apartments, the 2 bedroom we lived in which was on the ground floor, and the top floor was a 2 bedroom apartment that my Grandma lived in. Attached to that was 12 one floor motel rooms. I don't know who was staying in the motel at the time, but I know we always had at least 6 room occupied at any given time. My Dad was also in the Air Force at the time and would travel 45 minutes away to get to his base. We lived in that small town just outside of Lincoln, NE because that's where both my parents grew up. Shortly after this incident we moved to Bellevue, NE so my father could be closer to the base as the drive was taking a toll on him.
