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an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...

 
snake.plissken
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04/22/2014 01:17 PM
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an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
Dear Baby Clinton-Mezvinsky:

Welcome to advanced gestation! Since you’re new around here, I thought you’d like to know a little bit about what makes you so special. The reason is, you’re going to live your whole life in make-believe!

Do you know the fairy stories about a princess in a castle? Well, you get to be that real-life prince or princess, in a real-life castle where Mommy Chelsea is also a princess, Grandma is about to be crowned Queen, and Grandpa Bill is a retired ex-King with lots of helpful advice on ruling the kingdom, er, monarchy. (Your other grandma and grandpa were both a kind of court vassal called Congressmen. Oopsies, other grandpa, Edward Mezvinsky, even went to something called “prison,” which is kind of like a big, cozy crib! Can you say “wire fraud”? Good, you can’t! Don’t! Around here we pretend Grandpa isn’t a criminal!)

Inside the castle towers you will find that Mommy, Mommy’s mommy and Mommy’s daddy Bill are all really good at make-believe games. So you get to pretend all the time! Mommy’s mommy and Mommy’s daddy even pretend to still be married even though they’ve been living hundreds of miles apart for 14 years!

Before you were even born your mommy’s mommy pretended that it’s a completely normal thing to announce your own grandchild’s birth to the world at a joint press appearance with your mom, hosted on Skype and live-streamed. With America Ferrera!

Although you will at all times pretend to be a normal baby, you actually already have your very own career, like doctor or fireman or lobbyist! Can you say “Campaign Asset”? Good, now let’s learn about skill sets! You only need one talent. Ready? It’s “Soften the Candidate”! Sort of like human bubble bath.


read the rest of the letter, here:
[link to nypost.com]




snake
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04/22/2014 01:20 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
"When you’re a teenager, you may start getting strange invitations from Grandpa Bill. Don’t be surprised if he asks you to invite all of your girl friends and their bikinis over to his house for a pool party. Grandpa Bill loves young people, especially young female people frolicking in the sunshine!"

pigchef

lol
Anonymous Coward
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04/22/2014 01:25 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
rofl

This was funny... thanks OP
Anonymous Coward
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04/22/2014 01:28 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
"When you’re a teenager, you may start getting strange invitations from Grandpa Bill. Don’t be surprised if he asks you to invite all of your girl friends and their bikinis over to his house for a pool party. Grandpa Bill loves young people, especially young female people frolicking in the sunshine!"

pigchef

lol
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40991512


I don't think Grandpa "Dollar" Bill Klintoon is too fussy about gender.
snake.plissken  (OP)

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04/22/2014 01:32 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
"When you’re a teenager, you may start getting strange invitations from Grandpa Bill. Don’t be surprised if he asks you to invite all of your girl friends and their bikinis over to his house for a pool party. Grandpa Bill loves young people, especially young female people frolicking in the sunshine!"

pigchef

lol
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 40991512


I don't think Grandpa "Dollar" Bill Klintoon is too fussy about gender.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 57182487


or age, for that matter... chelsea should worry about leaving the kiddo with Grandma, as well, if cathy o'brien is to be believed.




snake
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04/22/2014 01:46 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
Funniest thing I've read today.

rockon
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04/22/2014 01:56 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
Funny & Truth, at the same time.
davvi

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04/22/2014 02:14 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
Dear Baby Clinton-Mezvinsky:

Welcome to advanced gestation! Since you’re new around here, I thought you’d like to know a little bit about what makes you so special. The reason is, you’re going to live your whole life in make-believe!

Do you know the fairy stories about a princess in a castle? Well, you get to be that real-life prince or princess, in a real-life castle where Mommy Chelsea is also a princess, Grandma is about to be crowned Queen, and Grandpa Bill is a retired ex-King with lots of helpful advice on ruling the kingdom, er, monarchy. (Your other grandma and grandpa were both a kind of court vassal called Congressmen. Oopsies, other grandpa, Edward Mezvinsky, even went to something called “prison,” which is kind of like a big, cozy crib! Can you say “wire fraud”? Good, you can’t! Don’t! Around here we pretend Grandpa isn’t a criminal!)

Inside the castle towers you will find that Mommy, Mommy’s mommy and Mommy’s daddy Bill are all really good at make-believe games. So you get to pretend all the time! Mommy’s mommy and Mommy’s daddy even pretend to still be married even though they’ve been living hundreds of miles apart for 14 years!

Before you were even born your mommy’s mommy pretended that it’s a completely normal thing to announce your own grandchild’s birth to the world at a joint press appearance with your mom, hosted on Skype and live-streamed. With America Ferrera!

Although you will at all times pretend to be a normal baby, you actually already have your very own career, like doctor or fireman or lobbyist! Can you say “Campaign Asset”? Good, now let’s learn about skill sets! You only need one talent. Ready? It’s “Soften the Candidate”! Sort of like human bubble bath.


read the rest of the letter, here:
[link to nypost.com]




snake
 Quoting: snake.plissken


You beat me to it...I was just reading this in the Post.

Hilarious...

5star35
davvi

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04/22/2014 02:16 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
"In two years or so, when most babies are just learning to crawl, you will be hitting the road! Grandma Hillary is going to need you to smile and coo whenever there are Sunshine Men around. So play nice and don’t projectile vomit. Grandma is not what grown-ups call “maternal,” and was busy turning $1,000 into $100,000 in the magical cow trading market when your mommy was a baby, so she will have to make believe she is really “helping out” with you. No crying if she gets the diaper on the wrong end!"

:chelseamutt: I guess there is no Benghazi in Chels future?
Anonymous Coward
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04/22/2014 02:17 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
hillaryious, indeed. Thanks
Anonymous Coward
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04/22/2014 02:21 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
"In two years or so, when most babies are just learning to crawl, you will be hitting the road! Grandma Hillary is going to need you to smile and coo whenever there are Sunshine Men around. So play nice and don’t projectile vomit. Grandma is not what grown-ups call “maternal,” and was busy turning $1,000 into $100,000 in the magical cow trading market when your mommy was a baby, so she will have to make believe she is really “helping out” with you. No crying if she gets the diaper on the wrong end!"

:chelseamutt: I guess there is no Benghazi in Chels future?
 Quoting: davvi


Say Davs, Chels looks like a blonde J_A_P.

What say you? Is she a Tribester?

cruise
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04/22/2014 02:34 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
The baby will be Margaret Thatcher or Nelson Mandela reincarnated

maybe
Anonymous Coward
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04/22/2014 03:43 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
it could be Bill's baby & the jew husband is just for show.
PBJ11

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04/22/2014 03:48 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
I always wonder why they want us to have abortions, but they never have them...
PJ
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04/22/2014 04:25 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
"In two years or so, when most babies are just learning to crawl, you will be hitting the road! Grandma Hillary is going to need you to smile and coo whenever there are Sunshine Men around. So play nice and don’t projectile vomit. Grandma is not what grown-ups call “maternal,” and was busy turning $1,000 into $100,000 in the magical cow trading market when your mommy was a baby, so she will have to make believe she is really “helping out” with you. No crying if she gets the diaper on the wrong end!"

:chelseamutt: I guess there is no Benghazi in Chels future?
 Quoting: davvi


Nope, no Benghazi in "Chels" future... just a Daddy who'll require supervised visitation with his grandchild.

pigchef
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04/22/2014 07:33 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
I saw this earlier and was going to post if no one else had.

Funny, Sad, but True.
HYMIE AND THE SHEKELERS
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04/22/2014 07:44 PM
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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
LOL!!
I'm like, WTF?

User ID: 46820730
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04/22/2014 07:51 PM

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Re: an Open Letter [hilarious] to Chelsea Clinton's Fetus...
sadly tho . . .that child will be a monarch.

Just like the rest of them.

Pray for that little one - God only knows what those lizards are capable of.





GLP