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| 08:23 AM | ||
| Users Online Now: 1,576 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 493,345 | |
| Pageviews Today: 799,313 | Threads Today: 227 | Posts Today: 4,187 |
| 08:23 AM | ||
Family member imposing on your home what to do??? | |
| Brandywine84
Offer Upgrade  User ID: 36020080  United States09/02/2013 07:59 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45595414 United States09/02/2013 08:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46199715 United States09/02/2013 08:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45543621 United States09/02/2013 08:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| One-Hitter
User ID: 28794496 United States09/02/2013 08:22 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 41376155 United States09/02/2013 08:24 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You need a friendly face to face meeting with him...(and your husband if possible) before dinner. Ask him how things are going with him and find out what he wants in life and how he plans to get there...because YOU need to know how to make plans for YOUR future. Offer suggestions cause sometimes people lose sight of their goals and how to get there. For the meeting, make a list to follow..his near future plans. What a job will pay and how he will need to budget money for bills. What he'll use for transportation. The more real he sees moving out...the more he'll know you mean business. |
| Brandywine84
(OP) User ID: 36020080 United States09/02/2013 08:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Thank you for letting me vent. I needed to get it out there so I could see the situation myself. For a few weeks I was wondering if I was being unreasonable in my expectations, but now seeing it on paper (figuratively) I see than I am being a little too nice. I have thrown hints out, and have even found him the job he has now. I have gotten him to get himself a vehicle. Now I just need to give him the push to grow up and get out. I just dont know how to word it nicely. I have a habit of either being too nice, or way too firm. There is no in between when it comes to my tone of voice. Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~Saint Francis de Sales To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45485322 United States09/02/2013 08:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| ar-15 nut
User ID: 44044090 United States09/02/2013 08:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 7857456 United States09/02/2013 08:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45756425 United States09/02/2013 08:31 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sit down and COMMUNICATE. You are only obligated to take care of yours (husband/children) first. Anyone else, get in line! Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45543621 This absolutely! You need to make an ultimatum-- either he needs to help foot $_x__ amount of the bill per month, or else he needs to move out by _this__ date. Make sure you put your foot down! |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 29051298 United States09/02/2013 08:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 1034800 United States09/02/2013 08:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Brandywine84
(OP) User ID: 36020080 United States09/02/2013 08:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You did good, you helped him get a job and a car, now help him find an apartment. Help him figure out his budget and circle apartment ads within his budget or a roommate situation. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1034800 Thank you. I know it may not mean much to others, but that just made my day. My kids are still young, so I haven't the faintest idea how to raise a fully grown man, but thats how I feel some days. I will try to sit him down tomorrow and figure this all out. he is out drinking right now, so I wont be able to do it tonight. I know he is young and still wants to party, I remember that age. But when I was the age, I was married and had one child on the way, so I grew up a lot faster and had responsibilities. I dont begrudge him that, but I dont want to foot the bill for it either. I have thought about taping apartment ads on his bedroom door, but I am afraid that will come across as really impersonal. I have asked my husband to sit him down for a talk with me but my husband says he is my family and I have to take care of the situation. So I have to figure it out on my own. Last Edited by Brandywine on 09/02/2013 08:42 PM Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~Saint Francis de Sales To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46180397 United States09/02/2013 08:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46216397 United States09/03/2013 12:20 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You did good, you helped him get a job and a car, now help him find an apartment. Help him figure out his budget and circle apartment ads within his budget or a roommate situation. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1034800 Thank you. I know it may not mean much to others, but that just made my day. My kids are still young, so I haven't the faintest idea how to raise a fully grown man, but thats how I feel some days. I will try to sit him down tomorrow and figure this all out. he is out drinking right now, so I wont be able to do it tonight. I know he is young and still wants to party, I remember that age. But when I was the age, I was married and had one child on the way, so I grew up a lot faster and had responsibilities. I dont begrudge him that, but I dont want to foot the bill for it either. I have thought about taping apartment ads on his bedroom door, but I am afraid that will come across as really impersonal. I have asked my husband to sit him down for a talk with me but my husband says he is my family and I have to take care of the situation. So I have to figure it out on my own. he probably considers you to be true family and feels comfortable in your home? maybe your being an asshole about it and its clear he would be better off living with real family and friends rather than a no good bitch of a cousin like you.. no you are not right by the way.. everyone has a role to play in the house and just cause its your place doesn't automatically make you righteous.. that being said let him know how you feel so he knows you are an asshole and he can move out and live with people who appreciate him for who he is.. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 17140945 United States09/03/2013 12:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | It sounds to me like he is just trying to stay out of your way as much as possible. He is probably just as uncomfortable with the situation as you are. If he has dinner with you, he will have to talk to you. He's probably not too proud of himself right now. |
| Brandywine84
(OP) User ID: 36020080 United States09/03/2013 12:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You did good, you helped him get a job and a car, now help him find an apartment. Help him figure out his budget and circle apartment ads within his budget or a roommate situation. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1034800 Thank you. I know it may not mean much to others, but that just made my day. My kids are still young, so I haven't the faintest idea how to raise a fully grown man, but thats how I feel some days. I will try to sit him down tomorrow and figure this all out. he is out drinking right now, so I wont be able to do it tonight. I know he is young and still wants to party, I remember that age. But when I was the age, I was married and had one child on the way, so I grew up a lot faster and had responsibilities. I dont begrudge him that, but I dont want to foot the bill for it either. I have thought about taping apartment ads on his bedroom door, but I am afraid that will come across as really impersonal. I have asked my husband to sit him down for a talk with me but my husband says he is my family and I have to take care of the situation. So I have to figure it out on my own. he probably considers you to be true family and feels comfortable in your home? maybe your being an asshole about it and its clear he would be better off living with real family and friends rather than a no good bitch of a cousin like you.. no you are not right by the way.. everyone has a role to play in the house and just cause its your place doesn't automatically make you righteous.. that being said let him know how you feel so he knows you are an asshole and he can move out and live with people who appreciate him for who he is.. Wow so stealing from me, not paying any bills, not helping around the house, and rather than saving his money he would rather drink it away. And I am the bad guy? I constantly have to ask him to stop cursing in front of my children. Have bent over backwards for a guest in my home who wants to do nothing but play video games and go out drinking. But I'm a bitch? I think not. I guess the 250 I spent on gas last month alone, because he took my vehicle everyday and used half a tank a day was me being a self righteous bitch. I guess I should expect a free loader to make me go bankrupt. So sorry I offended you nameless Internet man. You don't take advantage of family. Morals buddy. Get some. Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~Saint Francis de Sales To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 12497652  Australia09/03/2013 12:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46217380  Uruguay09/03/2013 12:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Lol try a full time job and a full retard abuser every night when you come home laughing at your salary and how you struggle to work and study both. Not every situation is the same. The mom that keeps me captive is always right and always gets her way and threatens and manipulates and expects me to take care of her forever and goes on and on in rants about her expectations. I'll leave one day and she won't have seen it coming. Until then, I take the max dosage you can have of an antidepressant and it's all peachy, at least I'm not crying all the time. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45446318 United States09/03/2013 12:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 32062218 United States09/03/2013 12:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You did good, you helped him get a job and a car, now help him find an apartment. Help him figure out his budget and circle apartment ads within his budget or a roommate situation. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1034800 Thank you. I know it may not mean much to others, but that just made my day. My kids are still young, so I haven't the faintest idea how to raise a fully grown man, but thats how I feel some days. I will try to sit him down tomorrow and figure this all out. he is out drinking right now, so I wont be able to do it tonight. I know he is young and still wants to party, I remember that age. But when I was the age, I was married and had one child on the way, so I grew up a lot faster and had responsibilities. I dont begrudge him that, but I dont want to foot the bill for it either. I have thought about taping apartment ads on his bedroom door, but I am afraid that will come across as really impersonal. I have asked my husband to sit him down for a talk with me but my husband says he is my family and I have to take care of the situation. So I have to figure it out on my own. he probably considers you to be true family and feels comfortable in your home? maybe your being an asshole about it and its clear he would be better off living with real family and friends rather than a no good bitch of a cousin like you.. no you are not right by the way.. everyone has a role to play in the house and just cause its your place doesn't automatically make you righteous.. that being said let him know how you feel so he knows you are an asshole and he can move out and live with people who appreciate him for who he is.. Wow so stealing from me, not paying any bills, not helping around the house, and rather than saving his money he would rather drink it away. And I am the bad guy? I constantly have to ask him to stop cursing in front of my children. Have bent over backwards for a guest in my home who wants to do nothing but play video games and go out drinking. But I'm a bitch? I think not. I guess the 250 I spent on gas last month alone, because he took my vehicle everyday and used half a tank a day was me being a self righteous bitch. I guess I should expect a free loader to make me go bankrupt. So sorry I offended you nameless Internet man. You don't take advantage of family. Morals buddy. Get some. Immediately stop buying readymade food for him to pilfer. Keep your purse, valuables, snacks, etc. locked in your room. If he says anything about it, tell him you can no longer afford luxuries like frozen and snack food and can only afford to buy the basics because of the additional utility bills, gas, etc. and no financial contributions from him. Tell him he is welcome to join your family at the table for basic healthy meals if he is willing to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen afterwards and willing to chip in at least xx $ to help you afford groceries. Tell him he is putting a big strain on your budget by making no financial contributions to the household. If he plays COD on wifi, password him out or make him pay for the monthly household internet up front at least. If you can't directly kick him out, you can at least make his stay less cushy and get him to start paying part of his way. He will quickly figure out he can find a roommate situation he can afford on his part-time job and probably will as soon as the gravy train stops running. Is he an orphan or has he already milked his own parents, grandparents, and siblings? |
| Brandywine84
(OP) User ID: 36020080 United States09/03/2013 12:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Lol try a full time job and a full retard abuser every night when you come home laughing at your salary and how you struggle to work and study both. Not every situation is the same. The mom that keeps me captive is always right and always gets her way and threatens and manipulates and expects me to take care of her forever and goes on and on in rants about her expectations. I'll leave one day and she won't have seen it coming. Until then, I take the max dosage you can have of an antidepressant and it's all peachy, at least I'm not crying all the time. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 46217380 Awe I am so sorry you are going through that. The only expectations I have of my cousin is the desire to want better for himself. If he was going to school, or even actively trying to better his situation I would be feeling the way I do. I am not the first family member he has done this too. I wasn't aware of his situation before, but he did this to his younger sister for six months before she lied and said she was getting evicted just to get him out. But back then he didn't even have a part time job or a car. Now hopefully he will feel a little more confident about branching out on his own. Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~Saint Francis de Sales To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 44840062 Australia09/03/2013 12:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you were lucky enough to sucker a family member into letting you move in with them so you could get back on your feet would you constantly hide in your bedroom to play CoD on your xbox, only take on a part time job, and go out a handful of times drinking in a months period and still expect to have a place to live? Quoting: Brandywine84 Well whats so abnormal about that shit? Just because their homeless they are still trying to have a life you know? |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46202980 Australia09/03/2013 12:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 44840062 Australia09/03/2013 12:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Wow so stealing from me, not paying any bills, not helping around the house, and rather than saving his money he would rather drink it away. And I am the bad guy? Quoting: Brandywine84 Not for the stealing from you and not paying their share of the bills and in regards to helping around the house as long as they clean up their own mess its ok. They should be contributing some money from their part time work to the bills and some board and buy their own food etc. You should not put up with that stuff. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 44840062 Australia09/03/2013 12:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Lol try a full time job and a full retard abuser every night when you come home laughing at your salary and how you struggle to work and study both. Not every situation is the same. The mom that keeps me captive is always right and always gets her way and threatens and manipulates and expects me to take care of her forever and goes on and on in rants about her expectations. I'll leave one day and she won't have seen it coming. Until then, I take the max dosage you can have of an antidepressant and it's all peachy, at least I'm not crying all the time. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 46217380 Awe I am so sorry you are going through that. The only expectations I have of my cousin is the desire to want better for himself. You shouldn't be trying to force them to be someone else. But you must set boundaries for yourself in regards to the free loading that is not right. As long as they clean up their mess and pay their way you should just leave them be. |
| Brandywine84
(OP) User ID: 36020080 United States09/03/2013 12:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Brandywine84 Thank you. I know it may not mean much to others, but that just made my day. My kids are still young, so I haven't the faintest idea how to raise a fully grown man, but thats how I feel some days. I will try to sit him down tomorrow and figure this all out. he is out drinking right now, so I wont be able to do it tonight. I know he is young and still wants to party, I remember that age. But when I was the age, I was married and had one child on the way, so I grew up a lot faster and had responsibilities. I dont begrudge him that, but I dont want to foot the bill for it either. I have thought about taping apartment ads on his bedroom door, but I am afraid that will come across as really impersonal. I have asked my husband to sit him down for a talk with me but my husband says he is my family and I have to take care of the situation. So I have to figure it out on my own. he probably considers you to be true family and feels comfortable in your home? maybe your being an asshole about it and its clear he would be better off living with real family and friends rather than a no good bitch of a cousin like you.. no you are not right by the way.. everyone has a role to play in the house and just cause its your place doesn't automatically make you righteous.. that being said let him know how you feel so he knows you are an asshole and he can move out and live with people who appreciate him for who he is.. Wow so stealing from me, not paying any bills, not helping around the house, and rather than saving his money he would rather drink it away. And I am the bad guy? I constantly have to ask him to stop cursing in front of my children. Have bent over backwards for a guest in my home who wants to do nothing but play video games and go out drinking. But I'm a bitch? I think not. I guess the 250 I spent on gas last month alone, because he took my vehicle everyday and used half a tank a day was me being a self righteous bitch. I guess I should expect a free loader to make me go bankrupt. So sorry I offended you nameless Internet man. You don't take advantage of family. Morals buddy. Get some. Immediately stop buying readymade food for him to pilfer. Keep your purse, valuables, snacks, etc. locked in your room. If he says anything about it, tell him you can no longer afford luxuries like frozen and snack food and can only afford to buy the basics because of the additional utility bills, gas, etc. and no financial contributions from him. Tell him he is welcome to join your family at the table for basic healthy meals if he is willing to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen afterwards and willing to chip in at least xx $ to help you afford groceries. Tell him he is putting a big strain on your budget by making no financial contributions to the household. If he plays COD on wifi, password him out or make him pay for the monthly household internet up front at least. If you can't directly kick him out, you can at least make his stay less cushy and get him to start paying part of his way. He will quickly figure out he can find a roommate situation he can afford on his part-time job and probably will as soon as the gravy train stops running. Is he an orphan or has he already milked his own parents, grandparents, and siblings? He was handed a pretty hard life. His mom was pretty crappy and shoved him and his sister off on their grandma, who bless her heart, couldn't handle it all. She can't afford to take him in, and he already did this to his little sister who has 2 small kids under the age of 2 and is on govt assistance. That right there would have been a red flag to me, but I was unaware of their financial situation because she was quiet about it. My mom was the one who told me she had to lie about an eviction just to get him out. The way he was raised is what makes me not want to kick him out. I just want him to want better for himself and actively set goals to reach. Also stop pilfering my purse, and stop cussing like a caffeine fueled teenager. Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. ~Saint Francis de Sales To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46059379 United States09/03/2013 12:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I have gullible family members who are married let their kids lose life friends live with them since they didnt want to obey their own family rules. This is pathetic actually. As per my family, we work for everything, pitch in however deems necessary, no matter what, no job= help around the damned house. If hes 22 and still living there, needs to do chores to pitch in with the rest of the working family. You'd be suprise on how much this helps. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 46202980 Australia09/03/2013 01:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| brado32003
User ID: 27250682 United States09/03/2013 01:01 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
