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Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome

 
FooledMeOnce

User ID: 41620513
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08/11/2013 08:46 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
It's heartbreaking when your own family goes against you. And there's nothing you can do to convince them, either.

At the very least, you have your parents support.

I went through a very rough patch with my brothers following my last breakup. I had to move in with them because I had no place to go. It was one of my parents houses so they were in no place to complain about my infringing on their territory. I was in a dark place and actually needed help and support... but all they would do is bitch about me and basically tell me that I failed at life. They told me my cats couldn't live with us and then turned around and let one of their friends keep her cat there.
They were only living there at the time because one was fresh out of school and looking for work, the other was simply too cheap to pay for his own place, even though he could afford it. I didn't judge either of them. My parents supported me, my mom however was in denial about my brothers treatment of me, "they're just worried about you" she would say, but it went beyond that, they were simply bullying me.
I would cry at night wondering why they hated me so much.

After a while though, I learned that it wasn't me after all My oldest brother was unhappy at not being able to find a job and having no money; he now has one and has since purchased a house, got engaged, got a dog. My second brother, he was unhappy with being alone - he's since found a girlfriend (together a year or two now?) and he's happier than ever. Things eventually went back to normal.

All I can say is don't take it personally and don't interact with them if you can help it. They most likely have their own issues and are envious of you for one reason or another.

Good luck OP

hf

Last Edited by Stoned Goddess on 08/11/2013 08:52 PM
:smokin1:
Soup Kitchener

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08/11/2013 08:46 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Degree but no job?
I'd look for funding to start a business.
Obviously try and 'work' in an area you enjoy... charity?

What happens if your parent lose everything? The house, the pension, the inheritance. Might never happen, but no point waiting until you are 50 years old to collect some real money.
Good luck


Last Edited by Soup Kitchener on 08/11/2013 08:47 PM
BROCOM

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08/11/2013 08:47 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Anytime someone questions your lifestyle, ask them to tell you what they think you are missing out on by not conforming. They will be hard pressed to answer with anything other than money. Then it becomes crystal clear.
 Quoting: BROCOM


My ego likes this advice. It seems a minimalistic way to satisfy my need to feel justified. Lol
 Quoting: numewenon


Yes, and additionally, it exposes how narrow their own value system is compared to the broader context of personal freedom. If they have any self-awareness at all, it should put things into a better perspective.
 Quoting: BROCOM


And I won't feel guilty about saying it!
 Quoting: numewenon


banana2
FooledMeOnce

User ID: 41620513
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08/11/2013 08:50 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
For some reason it won't let me change my typos in my post. i also had to post it 3 times for it to appear. :scratchhead:

Last Edited by Stoned Goddess on 08/11/2013 08:51 PM
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numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
Canada
08/11/2013 08:55 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
This situation is actually part of a much larger issue, that being the difference between people who are more awake and aware of the World, such as the OP, versus people still stuck in the illusory world of materialism and all of the fakery.

Having said that, I have abandoned relatives whom have no earthly clue what is going on in this World, simply because I have nothing in common with them.

They want to talk about religion. I want to talk about spirituality.

They want to talk about politics. I have no time for that dog-and-pony show run by the Predators That Be.

They want to talk about the recovering economy. I don't have the energy to educate them about a failed monetary system.

So, I guess I've made myself an outcast in their eyes, which is fine with me. I prefer solitude and peace and quiet to living their illusion. I pulled back that curtain a few years ago.

The good news is that 2013 may very well be the year of transition, where the wheat gets separated from the chaff. All signs are pointing to exactly that.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44985196


Oh I stopped trying to debate those issues long ago lol. Hopeless sheeples

To peace and quiet! *cheers*
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
Canada
08/11/2013 09:07 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
It's heartbreaking when your own family goes against you. And there's nothing you can do to convince them, either.

At the very least, you have your parents support.

I went through a very rough patch with my brothers following my last breakup. I had to move in with them because I had no place to go. It was one of my parents houses so they were in no place to complain about my infringing on their territory. I was in a dark place and actually needed help and support... but all they would do is bitch about me and basically tell me that I failed at life. They told me my cats couldn't live with us and then turned around and let one of their friends keep her cat there.
They were only living there at the time because one was fresh out of school and looking for work, the other was simply too cheap to pay for his own place, even though he could afford it. I didn't judge either of them. My parents supported me, my mom however was in denial about my brothers treatment of me, "they're just worried about you" she would say, but it went beyond that, they were simply bullying me.
I would cry at night wondering why they hated me so much.

After a while though, I learned that it wasn't me after all My oldest brother was unhappy at not being able to find a job and having no money; he now has one and has since purchased a house, got engaged, got a dog. My second brother, he was unhappy with being alone - he's since found a girlfriend (together a year or two now?) and he's happier than ever. Things eventually went back to normal.

All I can say is don't take it personally and don't interact with them if you can help it. They most likely have their own issues and are envious of you for one reason or another.

Good luck OP


hf
 Quoting: FooledMeOnce


Thank you.

That sounds like a horrible situation you were in. I can relate, as the family members causing all the negativity in my life now were once as close to me as immediate family.

I once looked up to these people and saw them as role models. They shaped a great portion of who I am today... Somehow. But now.... Yes it is so heartbreaking. Especially seeing them fall into a pit of pure evil negativity.

The sad thing is, their root cause, or unhappy situation is a permanent one, and I do 't know if will ever be normal again.

I am glad it is normal with your brothers again, but boy is it weird how people can turn on you like that.

Speaking of parents supporting you... Here in s a funny example I just thought of....

Parents dropping 10k on a kid's wedding and not getting played back is seen as socially acceptable... It would not be ridiculed. 10k on one be little day.

But parents dropping 10k on a struggling kid who needs support, is seen as spoiling or using by society.

Also don't worry about your typos. On sure that have many. I am about to crash fro. Lack of sleep
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
Canada
08/11/2013 09:10 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Degree but no job?
I'd look for funding to start a business.
Obviously try and 'work' in an area you enjoy... charity?

What happens if your parent lose everything? The house, the pension, the inheritance. Might never happen, but no point waiting until you are 50 years old to collect some real money.
Good luck

 Quoting: Soup Kitchener


I am going to start a business. Just have to be very patient with me. I. Pretty slow and steady lol. Plus I can't rush nature... Because that's what the business involves. It is a business that in know will work.
Soup Kitchener

User ID: 44981615
Thailand
08/11/2013 09:33 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
I am going to start a business. Just have to be very patient with me. I. Pretty slow and steady lol. Plus I can't rush nature... Because that's what the business involves. It is a business that in know will work.
 Quoting: numewenon

You've got to really, working for other people usually sucks massively. Do try and leverage it with lending, at 20 something you feel like you have all the time in the world... before you know it you're 40...


Anonymous Coward
User ID: 13076957
United States
08/11/2013 09:42 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Let me give you a little piece of advice that I was given long ago that has gotten me through times like this.

I don't live with you,
I don't sleep with you,
and you do not pay my bills.
So why should I care what you think about me?

As crude as it sounds, it will serve you well.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
08/19/2013 08:05 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Thanks for the advice all.

This is the first time I've been able to get on GLP since being with my stressful family.

I am so glad to be home! ahhh. back to quiet life. no negativity.

anyhow. your advice did help. the shit hit the fan towards the end of the visit. There was a fight. Though the other side was aggressive, my side was very calm and logical.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45400260
United States
08/19/2013 08:11 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
tell them to drink a bunch of lemon juice to alkalize their bodies!!! and tell them to only eat tofu!!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44981687


That, and making sure each and every one of them has a copy of the New Jerusalem Calendar, should keep them well away!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45206285
United States
08/19/2013 08:27 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
I think that you sound like a lovely person, and I think that YOUR skills will be what is needed in the future. That said, nothing succeeds like success, and I would recommend that you do something (really anything you can think of) that is "normal" so that your relatives can recognize it and relate to it in their closed world. Perhaps you could write a book on your adventure in gardening or perhaps even a newspaper column? If the relatives see you becoming an "expert" in your field, they will probably even become proud of you.

I'd turn the tables on them in that way. If you become uber successful in your alternative lifestyle, you can even publically complain about the lack of support that you received in the beginning from you family and that would make them feel ashamed.

Enough daydreaming - now get to work and make it happen!
miserkocho2

User ID: 43076206
Australia
08/19/2013 08:36 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
im the the same situation.talking wont ever get through.you can give evidence,you can point out their insanity,but its a waste of time.live by example,not centering your life around money,instantly makes you a more honest and principled person.they might think your crazy but only cause theyre miserable.
#444
bill L
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44960277
United States
08/19/2013 08:48 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Second "difficult family issues" thread I have posted this link to, today.

[link to montalk.net]

Page 88

Manipulated agents

Read the whole thing. It does require that you accept that we are currently under an alien intervention, though.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44960277
United States
08/19/2013 08:59 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Degree but no job?
I'd look for funding to start a business.
Obviously try and 'work' in an area you enjoy... charity?

What happens if your parent lose everything? The house, the pension, the inheritance. Might never happen, but no point waiting until you are 50 years old to collect some real money.
Good luck

 Quoting: Soup Kitchener


Great scene... Complete with clandestine organization symbolism of checkerboard floors and columns flanking doorways. The Big Lebowski is an alien! The militant, hierarchical aliens hate rebellious humans who won't comply and be slaves, like the Dude. The sunglasses are clearly a reference to They Live! He puts them on when he's heard enough, then turns his back on TBL and walks away, with a plan to take back what was ruined by simply taking it. Just what we should all do.

Everyone should become a Dudist, right now.
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 09:00 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
bump
InTheHood

User ID: 30806647
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08/19/2013 09:12 AM

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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Live and let live, remember everyone has an opinion, they are voicing theirs, you are voicing yours.

So you voice yours nicely when they voice theirs.
Just say, well can we agree to disagree and go about your life.

Look EVERY family I've ever known, including my own talk *hit about each other behind their backs, some small, some nonconsequential, etc. It's not unless the *hit talk starts affecting you negatively that you have to take stronger action, affecting your health, sanity, employment, other relations within the family.

Inject some humor into it if you can, make jokes out of what they say about you, take on the banner of the joke! At best it'll make some of them laugh and see that they are hypocrites, at worst, they will call you a smart *ass and resent you calling them out on their fooishness.

Oh well.

Now, if they are little psychopaths or sociopaths, RUN.

For example, my sons GF the other day was all upset because one of the coattail family members talked some crap about her, and I had to remind her she talked crap about this person too, so even-steven.

What comes around goes around, if you are going to play the game, well play the game, if not, then remove yourself, that's about all you can do, can't have your cake and eat it too, some family members like to Cherry Pick...so can you.

Good Luck
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 09:27 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
What if...they are correct?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45407500
United States
08/19/2013 11:29 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
this is the same advice as for a person who is not sure weather to 'stay together', or get a divorce / break up.

are you better off with them, or without them ???

i say without.

my mother had to sever all contact with my aunt.

all argueing stops, when contact stops.

so, go live a much happier life WITHOUT these bastards bringing you down.
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 11:34 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
What if...they are correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33875561


it does not matter.

irreconcilable differences CANNOT be reconciled, and;

if they cannot talk to you WITHOUT BEING ABUSIVE,

FU*K THEM.
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2013 11:44 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
What if...they are correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33875561


it does not matter.

irreconcilable differences CANNOT be reconciled, and;

if they cannot talk to you WITHOUT BEING ABUSIVE,

FU*K THEM.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45407500


DO NOT VOLENTEER FOR ABUSE !!!

you have to take abuse at work,

you do not have to take abuse at home.

get an ANSWERING MACHINE, and always let it pick up. you can then call them back, or ignore them.

(known as screening your calls)

assholes are less abusive when they know that they are being RECORDED.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43379143
United Kingdom
08/19/2013 11:51 AM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Get out of the kitchen, and make family of people who don't judge you
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 18030682
United States
08/19/2013 12:00 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Do whats right for you OP and forget what the others think.
I spent years trying to please my relatives to no avail.Finally only myself and one sibling was left and I did everything I could do to be close to him and loved him dearly.
Turns out he was the one causing all the issues I was having with the others all through the years while placing the blame on someone else.It came to a head a year or so ago and I got royally screwed over in every way possible.Lost my home,small savings,etc and was left with nothing and to start over new.
After I grieved through it all and finally accepted it for what it was I realized I had wasted most my life trying to fit into an image for people that never cared to start with.
There is a lot of truth in that saying that you don't need to change for someone to love and care about you.They either do or they don't.Don't waste your life worrying about what others think.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
09/05/2013 02:23 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
oh wow didn't see all the replies on the thread I started. Silly me.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
09/05/2013 02:27 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
I think that you sound like a lovely person, and I think that YOUR skills will be what is needed in the future. That said, nothing succeeds like success, and I would recommend that you do something (really anything you can think of) that is "normal" so that your relatives can recognize it and relate to it in their closed world. Perhaps you could write a book on your adventure in gardening or perhaps even a newspaper column? If the relatives see you becoming an "expert" in your field, they will probably even become proud of you.

I'd turn the tables on them in that way. If you become uber successful in your alternative lifestyle, you can even publically complain about the lack of support that you received in the beginning from you family and that would make them feel ashamed.

Enough daydreaming - now get to work and make it happen!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45206285


lol I have no desire to make them feel shame... though that would be good for one uncle in particular. If he could feel shame, I think the universe would implode in on itself.

I have actually though of this though, but then I think. meh... I'm too busy already and I don't want a billion more people bugging me. lol
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
09/05/2013 02:30 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
im the the same situation.talking wont ever get through.you can give evidence,you can point out their insanity,but its a waste of time.live by example,not centering your life around money,instantly makes you a more honest and principled person.they might think your crazy but only cause theyre miserable.
 Quoting: miserkocho2


yea I am so over it now that its been a few weeks. I'm back to my full on "don't give a shit" self.

I really don't care if people think I'm crazy, as I'm sure many do. They are all the crazy ones. They have more mental disorders than I can count on my hands.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
09/05/2013 02:37 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Live and let live, remember everyone has an opinion, they are voicing theirs, you are voicing yours.

So you voice yours nicely when they voice theirs.
Just say, well can we agree to disagree and go about your life.

Look EVERY family I've ever known, including my own talk *hit about each other behind their backs, some small, some nonconsequential, etc. It's not unless the *hit talk starts affecting you negatively that you have to take stronger action, affecting your health, sanity, employment, other relations within the family.

Inject some humor into it if you can, make jokes out of what they say about you, take on the banner of the joke! At best it'll make some of them laugh and see that they are hypocrites, at worst, they will call you a smart *ass and resent you calling them out on their fooishness.

Oh well.

Now, if they are little psychopaths or sociopaths, RUN.

For example, my sons GF the other day was all upset because one of the coattail family members talked some crap about her, and I had to remind her she talked crap about this person too, so even-steven.

What comes around goes around, if you are going to play the game, well play the game, if not, then remove yourself, that's about all you can do, can't have your cake and eat it too, some family members like to Cherry Pick...so can you.

Good Luck
 Quoting: InTheHood


hmm yes I am afraid they are sociopaths and narcissists. I was hoping they had at least a speck of a soul to love... but I am not sure.
blueeyesblond

User ID: 29380096
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09/05/2013 02:37 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Sounds a bit like my situation! I travelled for a looong time and now I have been home for 10days and wow my family did not change a bit..but I changed. And now there are a certain respect for me, because now they know I do whatever I want EVERY day, I show love even though it seem I should get angry with them and I dont get into their energy.

The best thing I did for myself was reversing energy (if you know they talk bad behind your back, DONT take it personal, BUT think it is because of THEIR fear and illusions they try to seem "better")

hf
LOVE <3
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
09/05/2013 02:39 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
What if...they are correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33875561


it does not matter.

irreconcilable differences CANNOT be reconciled, and;

if they cannot talk to you WITHOUT BEING ABUSIVE,

FU*K THEM.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45407500


Exactly. Its my life. I can live it how I want to. I could find happiness in being homeless. So why should I try so hard to please them?
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 45079183
Canada
09/05/2013 02:47 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Sounds a bit like my situation! I travelled for a looong time and now I have been home for 10days and wow my family did not change a bit..but I changed. And now there are a certain respect for me, because now they know I do whatever I want EVERY day, I show love even though it seem I should get angry with them and I dont get into their energy.

The best thing I did for myself was reversing energy (if you know they talk bad behind your back, DONT take it personal, BUT think it is because of THEIR fear and illusions they try to seem "better")

hf
 Quoting: blueeyesblond


If I were travelling they would respect that. They place a lot of value in "travel". I am doing what I want and they do not respect it.

But that's great that you are doing what you want too :) I would like to travel now, but that is about the only thing I can't do at this point in my life. And its not really a money thing, Its more that It would be selfish to leave my family(the good ones) with 30 chickens and the worry about my "Frugal" and "rough" way of travelling.

Some day I will though.





GLP