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Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome

 
numewenon
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08/11/2013 07:36 PM
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Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
I am currently dealing with some 'difficult' family members who are speaking badly about me. They are judgemental and small minded, yet I still love them, therefore I care (albeit minimally) about what they think.

Here is a summary of my situation: I am in my 20s living with my parents. I have a university degree but no 'real' job. For money, I do odd jobs and such. I get by comfortably. I am also a budding organic farmer, attempting to self sustain my own food supply. I have no ambitions of becoming the 6 figure income bullshit office monkey that I was trained to be. My parents are very supportive of my 'hippie' lifestyle and they also see the success I am having in my endeavours; it brings me and my parents great happiness in a way that most people would never understand. In other words, I am far from being a lazy, useless, unemployed, boomerang kid.

As one might suspect, my extended family members from suburbia do not understand my lifestyle/desires. The concept is completely out of their reach. The judge my lifestyle quite harshly (mostly behind my back). I have no problem telling them to 'fuck off' (due to minimal caring) but I feel there is a way I could make them understand, or at least see it in a positive light; at least to the point at which they would stop bad mouthing me to other people.

Should I waste my energy? and if I do waste my energy, what should I say? I am not overly good at dealing with this sort of person.

Description: These people are not stupid. They are clever in a sociopathic sort of way with genuine hints of positive human emotion here and there. They are very sarcastic and can be mean, but they do have a good side. They are selfish but capable of showing love. They are petty and materialistic as well.

Please help.

Also is anyone out there in a similar situation? Would love to hear how you deal with family shaming... Or whatever this could be called.

I know there will be trolls, so I welcome their advice as well, because they will allow me to see closer into the realm of the attitude they share with my relatives.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44881078
United States
08/11/2013 07:39 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Focus on what is coming and you will not worry about anything else.

Once what is coming is here...NOTHING ELSE WILL MATTER.

What is coming will be here soooooonnnnnnn.

All else is bullshit.

Trust me I would not lie to you.
Squidbillie Girl

User ID: 29640661
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08/11/2013 07:39 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Do not worry about what people say....

Live your own life....

Let God be your judge...
"The entire world is driven by a will, blind and ruthless, in order to transcend the limitations of that world, you need to stop willing, stop desiring, stop hating." Lao Ma
nrgisforever

User ID: 42981721
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08/11/2013 07:39 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
I am currently dealing with some 'difficult' family members who are speaking badly about me. They are judgemental and small minded, yet I still love them, therefore I care (albeit minimally) about what they think.

Here is a summary of my situation: I am in my 20s living with my parents. I have a university degree but no 'real' job. For money, I do odd jobs and such. I get by comfortably. I am also a budding organic farmer, attempting to self sustain my own food supply. I have no ambitions of becoming the 6 figure income bullshit office monkey that I was trained to be. My parents are very supportive of my 'hippie' lifestyle and they also see the success I am having in my endeavours; it brings me and my parents great happiness in a way that most people would never understand. In other words, I am far from being a lazy, useless, unemployed, boomerang kid.

As one might suspect, my extended family members from suburbia do not understand my lifestyle/desires. The concept is completely out of their reach. The judge my lifestyle quite harshly (mostly behind my back). I have no problem telling them to 'fuck off' (due to minimal caring) but I feel there is a way I could make them understand, or at least see it in a positive light; at least to the point at which they would stop bad mouthing me to other people.

Should I waste my energy? and if I do waste my energy, what should I say? I am not overly good at dealing with this sort of person.

Description: These people are not stupid. They are clever in a sociopathic sort of way with genuine hints of positive human emotion here and there. They are very sarcastic and can be mean, but they do have a good side. They are selfish but capable of showing love. They are petty and materialistic as well.

Please help.

Also is anyone out there in a similar situation? Would love to hear how you deal with family shaming... Or whatever this could be called.

I know there will be trolls, so I welcome their advice as well, because they will allow me to see closer into the realm of the attitude they share with my relatives.
 Quoting: numewenon


Ive been wearing black fleece for 2 decades. Just know the old cliche , what you loathe in others is the reflection of your shadow self is true and likely 90 percent of what youre dealing with
To be silent when they should protest makes cowards of men.
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 07:43 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Let it go, forget and FORGET.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 07:48 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Do not worry about what people say....

Live your own life....

Let God be your judge...
 Quoting: Squidbillie Girl


Let it go, forget and FORGET.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44985435


Leaning towards this sort of solution.

Unless it is brought straight to my face where I basically have to say nothing, or something. My ego might not stay in check in that case. This is probably my ego asking for advice anyway...
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 07:50 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Your extended family realizes that your parents won't be around forever, and I assume you realize this as well. They may be concerned about what will happen down the road and if you can be truly self sufficient. Even if your parents left you a free and clear home at some point, could you pay the taxes, repairs and utilities?

You say you have a university degree? Who paid for this? Do you pay on a loan?

I am not judging you at all but simply pointing out why family might be a bit more distressed about you not being employed. There is no need to cut them out of your life or fight with them. Just give them a case of canned organic veggies apiece for Christmas and try to love them despite personal indignation.
ElusivePisces
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08/11/2013 07:56 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Focus on what is coming and you will not worry about anything else.

Once what is coming is here...NOTHING ELSE WILL MATTER.

What is coming will be here soooooonnnnnnn.

All else is bullshit.

Trust me I would not lie to you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44881078


I hope your right, because I have had enough of the war & bloodshed that goes on without end to make the Elite rich & powerful.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24470597
United States
08/11/2013 08:00 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44981687
Australia
08/11/2013 08:02 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
tell them to drink a bunch of lemon juice to alkalize their bodies!!! and tell them to only eat tofu!!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 36648852
United States
08/11/2013 08:03 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24470597


Great response!! :)
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:05 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Your extended family realizes that your parents won't be around forever, and I assume you realize this as well. They may be concerned about what will happen down the road and if you can be truly self sufficient. Even if your parents left you a free and clear home at some point, could you pay the taxes, repairs and utilities?

You say you have a university degree? Who paid for this? Do you pay on a loan?

I am not judging you at all but simply pointing out why family might be a bit more distressed about you not being employed. There is no need to cut them out of your life or fight with them. Just give them a case of canned organic veggies apiece for Christmas and try to love them despite personal indignation.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44943771


If I see myself failing at self sufficiency, I will get a real job, my own house, and all that.

I am paying my university debt with odd job money. I have many useful skills. I tutor and do web programming mostly.

As far as them leaving the house to me, I don't assume or expect them to do so. I have other siblings. That would not be fair. I will take life as it comes. If they want to sell the house some day, then so be it. I'll find my path some how. I am saving up for my own land/have business ideas in the works. I said I have no ambition in the office world. Lots of ambition in the real world ;)
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:09 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24470597


Yes this is a great response.

<3
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44985196
United States
08/11/2013 08:09 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24470597



I would emphasize not playing the duality game with them. Some people feed off negative energy.

Also, don't allow your ego to care what they think.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:10 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
tell them to drink a bunch of lemon juice to alkalize their bodies!!! and tell them to only eat tofu!!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44981687



Lol I think that would be an epic fail.
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:12 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24470597



I would emphasize not playing the duality game with them. Some people feed off negative energy.

Also, don't allow your ego to care what they think.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44985196


My ego is the problem isn't it? Always trying to think of a way to justify what I do to other people. Even you anonymous people.
pool
will not vote & be happy

User ID: 38052225
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08/11/2013 08:15 PM

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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Look into the future and see yourself happy. See yourself as harmonizing with your permanent spirit house. Don't let them in; imagine them in the woods with small occasions for handing them a candle. Even if they never see you, the candle lights their face for you to see them.

Peace.
live only for today.
being honest is creepy to most people.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
08/11/2013 08:17 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
just wait them out, before too long they will start looking old and ill.
numewenon  (OP)

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08/11/2013 08:20 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Look into the future and see yourself happy. See yourself as harmonizing with your permanent spirit house. Don't let them in; imagine them in the woods with small occasions for handing them a candle. Even if they never see you, the candle lights their face for you to see them.

Peace.
 Quoting: pool


Thinking about this
BROCOM

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08/11/2013 08:22 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Anytime someone questions your lifestyle, ask them to tell you what they think you are missing out on by not conforming. They will be hard pressed to answer with anything other than money. Then it becomes crystal clear.
Cambrie

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08/11/2013 08:23 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
If they aren't loving you and lifting you up now then they likely won't down the road either. They are the kind of family members that you regard with the understanding of who they are then resolve to have no expectations of them. Know they can't/won't judge you justly and then endeavor to not bother yourself with their opinions. It doesn't matter what they think of your life, they aren't living it.
numewenon  (OP)

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08/11/2013 08:26 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Anytime someone questions your lifestyle, ask them to tell you what they think you are missing out on by not conforming. They will be hard pressed to answer with anything other than money. Then it becomes crystal clear.
 Quoting: BROCOM


My ego likes this advice. It seems a minimalistic way to satisfy my need to feel justified. Lol
Truthhappened

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08/11/2013 08:28 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Matthew 10: 16 “Listen! I am sending you, and you will be like sheep among wolves. So be smart like snakes. But also be like doves and don’t hurt anyone. 17 Be careful! There are people who will arrest you and take you to be judged. They will whip you in their synagogues. 18 You will be taken to stand before governors and kings. People will do this to you because you follow me. You will tell about me to those kings and governors and to the non-Jewish people. 19 When you are arrested, don’t worry about what to say or how you should say it. At that time you will be given the words to say. 20 It will not really be you speaking; the Spirit of your Father will be speaking through you.

21 “Brothers will turn against their own brothers and hand them over to be killed. Fathers will hand over their own children to be killed. Children will fight against their own parents and will have them killed. 22 Everyone will hate you because you follow me. But the one who remains faithful to the end will be saved. 23 When you are treated badly in one city, go to another city. I promise you that you will not finish going to all the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes again.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2924495
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08/11/2013 08:33 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24470597


EXCELLENT advice...Put ALL your energy into those who love and support you, and NONE of your energy into those who snipe and criticize you behind your back.

They want to rope you into their reindeer games. Don't play, and don't focus any energy on them. You have nothing to prove to them, and they will sap your energy.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44961507
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08/11/2013 08:33 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Your siblings will be playing a different tune concerning you and your endeavors once the shit hits the fan 0 which is I_M_M_I_N_E_N_T.

So...why bother caring at all about what they think of you NOW?

They will be hard pressed to even eat without you in the future.

Just realize that many, many people are so tuned into "the matrix" they can't see the freight train that is coming straight at them at a 100 miles an hours and its already off the rails!
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:36 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
If they aren't loving you and lifting you up now then they likely won't down the road either. They are the kind of family members that you regard with the understanding of who they are then resolve to have no expectations of them. Know they can't/won't judge you justly and then endeavor to not bother yourself with their opinions. It doesn't matter what they think of your life, they aren't living it.
 Quoting: Cambrie


Very true
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:38 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
You'll never please them

Stop wasting your energy on them

Stay close to your heart

Recognize their infantile ways and keep silent about it

They want to draw out a reaction, and will keep playing this game as long as you join in

Appreciate your supportive parents
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24470597


EXCELLENT advice...Put ALL your energy into those who love and support you, and NONE of your energy into those who snipe and criticize you behind your back.

They want to rope you into their reindeer games. Don't play, and don't focus any energy on them. You have nothing to prove to them, and they will sap your energy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2924495


And oh how this 4 day family visit has sapped my energy.
BROCOM

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08/11/2013 08:40 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Anytime someone questions your lifestyle, ask them to tell you what they think you are missing out on by not conforming. They will be hard pressed to answer with anything other than money. Then it becomes crystal clear.
 Quoting: BROCOM


My ego likes this advice. It seems a minimalistic way to satisfy my need to feel justified. Lol
 Quoting: numewenon


Yes, and additionally, it exposes how narrow their own value system is compared to the broader context of personal freedom. If they have any self-awareness at all, it should put things into a better perspective.
numewenon  (OP)

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08/11/2013 08:41 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Your siblings will be playing a different tune concerning you and your endeavors once the shit hits the fan 0 which is I_M_M_I_N_E_N_T.

So...why bother caring at all about what they think of you NOW?

They will be hard pressed to even eat without you in the future.

Just realize that many, many people are so tuned into "the matrix" they can't see the freight train that is coming straight at them at a 100 miles an hours and its already off the rails!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44961507


I sort of agree with this. But my siblings are not the problem. They are loving and accepting as well.

If anything, in my life time, economic shit will probably hit the fan, (at the least)

Last Edited by numewenon on 08/11/2013 08:42 PM
numewenon  (OP)

User ID: 25067067
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08/11/2013 08:43 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
Anytime someone questions your lifestyle, ask them to tell you what they think you are missing out on by not conforming. They will be hard pressed to answer with anything other than money. Then it becomes crystal clear.
 Quoting: BROCOM


My ego likes this advice. It seems a minimalistic way to satisfy my need to feel justified. Lol
 Quoting: numewenon


Yes, and additionally, it exposes how narrow their own value system is compared to the broader context of personal freedom. If they have any self-awareness at all, it should put things into a better perspective.
 Quoting: BROCOM


And I won't feel guilty about saying it!
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 08:46 PM
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Re: Outcast in your own family? Your advice/experience is welcome
This situation is actually part of a much larger issue, that being the difference between people who are more awake and aware of the World, such as the OP, versus people still stuck in the illusory world of materialism and all of the fakery.

Having said that, I have abandoned relatives whom have no earthly clue what is going on in this World, simply because I have nothing in common with them.

They want to talk about religion. I want to talk about spirituality.

They want to talk about politics. I have no time for that dog-and-pony show run by the Predators That Be.

They want to talk about the recovering economy. I don't have the energy to educate them about a failed monetary system.

So, I guess I've made myself an outcast in their eyes, which is fine with me. I prefer solitude and peace and quiet to living their illusion. I pulled back that curtain a few years ago.

The good news is that 2013 may very well be the year of transition, where the wheat gets separated from the chaff. All signs are pointing to exactly that.





GLP