How are We Helping Young Women if We Say...

Who says that? I've always told my girls similar things. So if I tell them to be aware in certain situations, I'm blaming them if they get raped? Whoever says that is a moran.

I think you´re onto something here!

a bit on this from personal experience/point of view..

I never minded about all those warnings, I walked home alone in the night since I was 14 (as I did yesterday, 34 now),
I never look in the behind of my car,
I do not mind parking lots at night, nore public parks or anything like that.
I go on vacations on my own, strolled alone through countries in africa even when there was something like civil war going on, drove to complete strangers hundreds of kilometres away and met them in their house/flat (knew them just over the internet),
I even was on a city trip in a foreign country and visited one guy I just knew online at his home, 55kms away from where I was staying!

and - I never got molested in any way!

(to all those thinking I am too fat and ugly - no, goodlooking longhaired blonde female here)

(I had 2 funny situations in all those years when I was around 16years old: one time when I came home very late with the last train, I got asked by a young man if he can lick my boots - and the other one was a older japanese guy on the train at night asking me if I would mind kissing him, he even offered me money. I just laughed and said no way cause he is much to old and smelly).

As I have so many female friends who get/got molested & raped, even had a teacher at school who was raped 3times (she took self defense after the 1st time, which didn´t help obviously) - the only explanation I have for not being raped in those 20years of "provoking situations where girls usually get raped" is:

Don´t be afraid!
If you behave like a victim, you will be the victim.

I walk right in the middle of the sidewalk, head up, shoulders back and if someone´s passing by me in the middle of the night on my walk home, I don´t look insecurely on the floor - I look them straight in their face/eyes!

that´s all.
I am not afraid. never was, never had to, and never will be.

No one wants to rape a woman who can´t be easily surpressed because she is powerful and no easy target,since it´s mostly all about power over the woman for the rapists.

so the best thing you can teach your daughters is:
You are no victim! it is not up to you to take care - just be selfsecure and show it.

Lots on this forum are ripping me a new asshole for saying that a woman who went to Haiti by herself (a country famous for its high rape incidence) and got raped, while she didn't deserve it, was behaving in an unwise manner.

Apparently I don't want any humans to help each other ever again, I am saying all foreign countries are dangerous, and I'm blaming the victim and supporting rape.

You've been lucky. This advice is not a stalwart against being molested.

Don't let them get to you, Sandi. I know they are assholes, that's for sure. I know exactly what you mean and yes, this woman was stupid. I wouldn't go to Haiti. If you go to even Jamaica on vacation you have to understand that you could get raped there quite easily and they have a lot of aids too. Just sayin'.

You got lucky that you weren't targeted.

The things I state help in cases where you get targeted.

You can do any kind of insane things you want, and not get raped, if you are never targeted by a rapist. But if you had ever been targeted by a rapist, you would unquestionably have been raped.

Teaching girls that they should just "be confident because it's magic anti-rapist juju" isn't helpful. If the girl ends up being targeted and not bothering to pay attention to what's going on around her, she's as good as raped already.

You should be grateful that you've never been raped, but more than that, never targeted by one.

Nothing is certainty against rape once you're targeted. But these things are a huge deterrent.

..has nothing to do with luck:

I did not become a target in the first step!

because I never behaved like a target - there is no interest from any rapist.

you once again put all power in the hand of a potential rapist by saying
"oh, i am so powerless, he targeted me and so i got raped"
by saying so, you make the girl powerless and insecure, make girls/woman think again, all time "i have to behave this way and dress like this and do that to not become a target because I am a target by nature" - but that´s the wrong way!
it is not about looking in the backseat, not about wearing no miniskirts - it is about the confidence and secureness of YOU in yourself you show on the outside.

Instead of having a woman think for herself, they don't want her to really think at all. see?

I had an issue when I was hitch-hiking once alone..but yeah, I was hitch hiking alone..

While I wouldn't claim I was to blame I sure as hell did put myself in the perfect situation for things to happen.

There's nothing wrong with using a little common sense.