My friend's grandson hung himself tonight...

I am so sorry. I can't imagine what his family must be going through right now. There will be some tough times ahead for your family as well as you help your kids through this. I know you would have done whatever you could to help Clint.

How heartbreaking. We just had a 14yo commit suicide in a neighboring county last week. Left a suicide note about bullys. :(

My thoughts and prayers go out to all touched by this tragedy.

Thanks, I think, but my purpose is not to express anything other than to simply love your kids and spend time with them...

THIS ISN'T Karma or a pity party for me...just a message to think about our children and put in the time...

Having buried my own dead kid I understand the ramifications of it. What you got AC? Just a bunch of pictures in your head and shit you have heard?

Experience it yourself and then come talk to me.

And honey, I just showed my compassion, I'm waiting for you to show yours.

They don't get it, Brief. It's not about you, you were saying something about parenting. Which is not something many people are great at any more.

Sorry OP.This is happening more and more sadly.Also the murder/suicide thing is getting worse by the day.I have read of at least 4 in the last month or so in area newspapers.The last one an elderly man killed his wife that was sick and they couldnt afford proper care for her then killed himself so he wouldnt be with out her.
Times are getting so sad and our kids just see no future and life seems hopeless for them I suppose.My sympathy to you and the family OP.

thats what happens when you get to a certain age and realise how cruel and fucked up this world and people are.... highskool is what fucks most kids up ... mentally

So sorry to hear that, TK. This is about to turn into a tear fest for me. I should go feed the horses before I start blubbering.

I am so sorry...

LOL, well can't fool ya all...

Kids these days experience pressures that we could not have imagined!!! I am a mother to a 25, 22, and 11 year old. The key for our family is making sure that the kids know they can tell us ANYTHING! We may NOT like it; but we still LOVE them.

My 11 yr. old tells me a Lot (I don't dare say he tells me everything). I do my best to Listen with Non-parent ears first....and respond only after I have had some time to THINK!

OP.....so sorry that you and Yours have to experience this tragedy!!!

highschool and the adult lifestyle are similar in that there are groups

the depression and suicide come from feeling like they don't live up to those group standards and are outcast and they start hating themselves for not being better

By "next life" I meant the life of the soul, in the spirit. I did not mean that he would be reincarnated. I hope that through God's mercy this young lad will have his soul, which suffered so much pain in this world, healed in the next world where the angels and saints dwell.

This kid wasn't picked on, he just had no love of a parent...but we don't have a letter to explain...

Thanks for proving my point again. Only because you buried your own kid you were able to show compassion. What about all the other kids dying around the world every day? I have to experience a kid dying to be compassionate? No I don't, we're all born with the ability to do so without experience a reason to first hand. When the time comes, it just occurs.

Unlike you, I'm not going to lie to myself and pretend that I'm not being a hypocrite, pretending to care when it's convenient. What makes any one persons death more special or worthy of emotion than another? Why do we only show compassion in tragedy?

If everyone was truly as compassionate as they believe they are, this world wouldn't be half the piece of shit it is today. Stop kidding yourself so you can sleep at night.

Everytime I read or hear of one of these children that die so young it breaks my heart. Truly sad.

There is nothing worse than to lose ones child.

The Compassionate Friends is a global group of parents that have lost a child and they the have meetings that are very helpful. This might be very helpful to them.

Maybe there is one in your area.

[link to www.compassionatefriends.org]

The following by Rabbi Gellman is one of the best I have ever read.

There are no "magic words" to comfort those who grieve

JULY 24, 2010

Question: My husband's son, my stepson, died suddenly last month at age 33. As you might imagine, we're both having a very difficult time coping with the loss. I'm deeply saddened to watch my husband struggle with his pain. Are there any magic words or phrases to say to someone at this time? I feel helpless and would like to comfort him in a meaningful way. — K., via e-mail



Answer: May God comfort you and your husband on your tragic loss. May the soul of your stepson be received in heaven among the holy and righteous. This is what I believe. Now, let me tell you what I know.
I know there are no "magic words or phrases" you can use. As a great playwright once said, "Oh, you see, my dear, there is no cure for that on planet earth." The brokenness we experience as we live cannot be undone. Our job is to figure out what we need to do to make a spiritual scab form over our spiritual wounds. The scab doesn't make the wound go away; it just helps us live with it and keeps us from bleeding out at the site of the wound.
The scary thing I know is for many of us who've loved deeply and then lost that love in death, there's a piece of us that actually wants to join the person in death. This is scary but normal, and usually this self-destructive part of us yields to the demands and loves of life that we still possess. At that point in our grief work, each person must figure out how to heal and return to life.
Some people need to talk their way into healing with family or friends. Others need to pray their way into healing by constantly reminding themselves that even in their darkest days, their blessings exceed their burdens. Some people I know need to serve their way into healing by helping those in need or organizing to support those trying to find cures.
I know that words are not that helpful to those trying to heal. Words address our mind, and our brokenness is in our soul. The only words I've ever encountered that seem to help a bit are one question and one statement.
The question is, "How are you doing today?" This question is totally different from the similar question, "How are you doing?"

The answer to the second question is often an expression of rage: "How do you think I'm doing? My son just died!" However, the answer to "How are you doing today?" comes easier because the query is more modest. Rather than asking how the person is doing in some cosmic, existential sense, you're asking how he or she is doing at the moment. This question reflects the deep knowledge that healing from grief is not like healing from a broken bone. Bones heal a little every day. Souls can also heal this way, then suddenly slide backward before resuming their upward arc.



Over time — sometimes years — a grieving person will notice that they've formed a scab over the wound and found a new place to continue their lives. The test for me is whether they can smile a real smile. If they can smile and laugh again, I know they're on their way to healing.
The second set of words I know are valuable to grieving people form a statement accompanied by a touch. You touch the person in grief, look into his or her eyes and say, "I love you and you are not alone."
What you're really doing is reminding the person that he or she may have lost one person they loved, but they haven't lost everyone they loved and who loved them. There is, of course, also the love of God, but that's an idle promise to those who are not spiritually receptive.
I urge you to be patient with your husband. Don't expect his grief to be resolved and tied up with a neat bow. Also, don't believe that his healing is in your hands. Ultimately, he must discover what he needs to find his way back to the light of a new day.
Resist the urge to say, "Everything will be all right." That's not true. Nothing will ever be all right again, if by all right you mean a life lived with your stepson again. If what you mean is that everything will be new and different now, and that it can be all right in a new and different way, that is the truth. But you and your husband must decide that this is what you want and need. You can't save him or yourself from the agony of the journey from brokenness to a new wholeness. The only way out of this is not around it but through it.
I believe with all my heart that we won't be separated forever from those we love. I don't know this but I believe it, and this belief, taught in my religion of Judaism, sustains me in the here and now. I pray for your healing, your husband's healing, and the healing in heaven that awaits us all.


By Rabbi Marc Gellman. Send questions only to The God Squad, c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or e-mail them to [email protected].

So sorry OP.

Again, I'm not asking for your sympathy...I only ask that you show your kids the love they need...I guess you are just used to being selfish and are trying to project that on me...

Exactly. Brief isn't seeking hugglefucks from you people. He's telling you to hug your kids while you can.

I'm no longer addressing you. Also, I don't have kids, but I have family members who are, and I try to show them my love because their parents don't.

EVERYBODY deserves a tear shed, even if only BECAUSE of how bad you perceive them to be. More to the point, if you can't find it in yourself to feel for HIM, at the least show respect to the boy, and his family.

You may not believe in Karma, but it DOES believe in you... I understand your words, but I can't comprehend where they come from. I feel very sorry for you.

And that's not compassion... it's pity.

I am simply asking you to show the same compassion you expect from others.

Thus far, you fail.

Yeah, I gotta go cook dinner.



Much peace to Clint and his family.

Brief- I know you don't need help defending yourself, but may I say you are one of my favorite people on this forum.

You tell it like it is, and laugh at yourself in the process. Your sig is the best on this site. Brutally honest!

Alot of kids from broken families don't have a chance. Unless they have a dad like you. I think they call it tough love. lol

I'm lucky to have a beautiful wife and son. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but I thank God everyday for my family.

I hope your son is dealing with this okay. He must have a million questions running through his head. With a dad like you, he'll be okay.

Have a good Thanksgiving!!

If you are messing with Turtles you are messing with me :)

There is an epidemic of parentless kids, so whatever good you can do is appreciated...by them and me...

Sorry for the news.



Good advice.

So sorry OP. It is always hard to hear of a young person's death, and when it is suicide it seems even worse somehow.