Male egos, and strong, independant women...

I dont know about the puppet part, but 99% for the rest...

Immature men insist on being more successful than their women. Immature women insist their men must make more money than them.

Sounds like a match to me, let them have each other!

But not everyone is wired this way.

My wife (since 20+ years) is way more successful than me, bringing in way more money. She is a strong-willed organizer, a wise leader, has EXCEPTIONAL creativity, and an almost infinite energy supply. All this without detracting from her soft feminine qualities. I've never seen her match. She's quite a formidable woman, a real catch by anyone's measure! Escpecially since she looks fine for her age too, and always dresses well.

In contrast, I'm nothing but a "loser" by the usual societal standards. I lack the drive and ambition to rise to the top, or to finish any of my myriad little projects. For all outward appearance, I'm a slacker. I shave every second or third day when I take a shower, because I can't be bothered to do it every day. I sit by my computer in my underpants.

And yet, to her, I was a catch too! I have personal qualities she enjoys, one of them being copious amounts of intelligence and personal integrity, another being the fact I DON'T care much about worldly things. She cares enough for the both of us, and the last thing she needs in her life is someone to argue with about how things should be done. In our house-hold, SHE decides what we're having for dinner, and who's gonna cook it (usually me, but sometimes she feel like doing it herself).

She does need a man in whose arms she can feel like a woman though. She also needs a man who can match her in intellect and understanding. She needs someone who always has time for her, and who can COMMUNICATE, verbally and emotionally.

So to you OP, I'd like to ask this:

Men fear you for being "a better provider". Fine, they're being immature, and it's their loss. But do YOU also fear men who are worse "providers" than you? Are you ready to find love with a man who earns LESS money than you?

If your answer is no, that could be why you haven't found a good man: you're looking straight past him, because you can't accept anything other than the guys who can't accept you. This is the typical feminist trap, the reason feminists can't find an "evolved" man: they're not sufficiently evolved themselves, and are still holding on to THEIR part of the old intersexual patterns.

They want to be independent and make a million bucks, and then they expect to marry a guy that makes two.

And then they expect him to do the dishes.

Sorry, not happening.

You men add things into situations that simply are not there.

Let me give you one example, if a woman accidentally touches a male on his shoulder or just does that while discussing something many men think that is a sign of want.

It is ridiculous to automatically think any type of want is involved besides talking to someone in the above example.

They have a real problem with it.

You mean touching doesnt mean sex in bed, 30 seconds later? How stupid of me. I hope you arent insinuating it means empathy and understanding, or simply to emphasize a point? Hell, I want my mommy! All kidding aside, you really seem like you are in a different universe.

Stepford Wives addressed this very problem

I don't care how powerful the male APPEARS, he MUST feel superior to his female to exist without feeling threatened/castrated.

Strong females are intimidating on so many levels, and the male ego DEMANDS that the female stroke it, whether sincerely or not. This is despicable for the female who values truth and honesty.

Jeez, what about us men that want our egos stroked sincerely and honestly? I mean I'll do the same, sincerely and honestly. Honestly. I detest insincerity and dishonesty when it comes to women stroking my ego!

Many romance based relationships(as opposed to money based/gold digger types) start out sincerely with both parties affirming the positives they identify and admire in the other.

As time proceeds, and as the strong female turns out to be "right" more and more, the male begins to feel less and less powerful vis a vis the female. Each relationship being unique, one cannot generalize regarding certain specifics, however, the hardwiring of the male is such that the male ego in order to continue feeling ADEQUATE, demands that he feel needed, important, of use, and slowly begins to wither with the increasing realization that his female displays continual superiority in so many ways.

This is addressing only those relationships where there is a very powerful, strong female, not at all looking at the lower IQ, or submissive, even masochistic type females.

why do you need it though?

Because it's nice. The opposite is indifference, which is a killer to any relationship. Or dont you think?

It seems this term "stroking the ego" is a loaded term for some embittered souls. However, I can think of other terms that arent so loaded, like moral support...

Your description of your wife, sounds very much like myself.
In all honesty, the men I've married, or dated...98% of them are not 'professional types", or 'financially wealthy'
I have nothing in common with them, because they are so wrapped up in 'aquireing things"...and that's really unimportant to me.
It's really difficult for a professional type to be in a relationship with a free Spirited person.
I don't go out with materially wealthy men, because I'm not a material person.
I'm not out there succeeding , doing what I do for money...it's just out of the sheer love of it, something inside me I was born with, and I'm just not happy doing anything else....the money it brings, is just a side effect/result of that .
The wealthy men I've gone out with over the years, have all had 'control' issues...or they think they can 'buy your love and loyalty with 'stuff'.
I prefer ordinary guys.....my first husband was a Glazer, put giant tempered glass windows in skyscrapers...
My wife worked in the sign industry with me....
My second husband is the only 'office worker' I've ever seriously dated, and he worked as a fraud Investigator for Bank of America.
The last guy I've dated for the past 5 years, off and on again, was a "greenskeeper' at some of the major golf courses around town, and he also did groundskeeping work for Cemetaries....worked for the Public Parks system.

It's more than just the money thing that intimidates men, about me.
It's also my strength.
I'm not talking physical strength, ( although, because of my work, I have been stronger than some of the men I've gone out with)...it's an inner strength, the kind where if I get knocked down, I don't sit and cry about it...I get back up, and keep going.
If there is some huge emotional crisis happening...I don't fall to pieces...I deal with the situation in a calm manner, until the crisis passes.
If I know I'm right, I will not give in, give up, or can't be broken.
Even if I'm hurt, you'll never see it the majority of the time.
You may see my anger at someone acting like an asshole, but I won't crumble, and cry about it.
If times are hard, and bills need to be paid, or the plumbing needs to be fixed....I don't freak out, I just go hustle up some more work to cover it..
This inner strength to 'not give up in the face of adversity...is very intimidating to a lot of people.
But it is this inner strength that has kept me plugging away at this art thing in the face of so many people that have said, 'you'll never be able to make a living with your art'...my entire life.
In my heart, I know it's what I was born to do...so I refuse to 'give up'
Strength dosen't mean 'domination of others'...it really dosen't even figure into what I've been talking about on here.
I know there was another poster that spoke of being a 'puppet'....to me, that's not a 'strong woman', that's a controling person...whole differant animal .
The strength I'm talking about, has nothing to do with how I treat other people, it is part of my 'character', the basic makeup of who I am.
I have no desire to control anyone, I have my hands full enough just trying to handle my own affairs/business/life...without having to try and keep track of, and make sure another person is doing "what I told them to do".
Their lives are their own, and I don't interfere with theirs...they know their hearts, what they want to do, what they enjoy doing.
The only time what they are doing comes into consideration in my life...is if it directly affects me, and our relationship.

Moral support is a very good thing, and I have seen it do wonders...
But there is a differance between them.

There have been people come into my life, that were very talented, but they had no self confidence.
All they needed was for 1 person to 'believe in them'....and it changed their lives.
They had 'someone to shine for'....made all the differance in the world.

But there are others that have to constantly 'have their ego stroked', because they are insecure....and after day after day of it, you get tired of constantly having to 'prop them up'....it's draining!
At some point, they should be able to stand alone, just knowing that there is atleast 1 person in the World that believes in them, and thinks they can do whatever they put their mind to......but they don't.
It's a constant need they have, and I doubt that anyone could ever build their self confidence up enough for them to be able to stand alone.
These are the ones I think that feel so intimidated by a successful woman.
To them...the man is supposed to be the successful 1, not the woman....and they just can't handle it.

Or just plain sharing what you appreciate about another person.

I can see a lot of truth in what you've said... I think this basically sums it all up nicely.
This is what I've been dealing with.
I've never meant to make them feel like that...I've even pointed out their own strengths and good qualities to them, but it still always seems to happen.

I really think you may be overthinking things.

Be nice, be kind, be respectful of others and if you appreciate him, tell him so.

You can be all of these things and still be strong and independent.

Most men I know respect that.

Men don't like an arrogant woman with a big ego, same way as how women don't like that in a man. You seem very intent on stressing how you are such a strong, powerful, successful woman. You have a chip on your shoulder. How would you like to be with a man who always talks about himself and thinks he is better and smarter than everyone?

This is true, I've seen it happen, and I've had it happen to me.
Body language is very telling....
But like the example posted above, the slightest slip from'being formal" when speaking with others is often taken as something else.
Hell, I have a problem just being friendly, nice to a man....because they instantly think I'm attracted to them.
I've had men in my life, completly disregard when I'm speaking from my heart, being honest with them about my love for them....they create imaginary hidden things, that aren't there.
The guy I dated for the past 5 years...it was what finally did us in....his insecurity, and creating some fantasy about me and a younger man that was no more than an 'aquaintance'...he was convinced that we had been having sex....even though I never went to see the aquaintance that he wasn't with me, or he didn't know where I was going.
Our last fight....he was furious because he just knew I was going out to see the aquaintance...and I wasn't...I was going to the store to buy Mineral Spirits to finish a job.
I had not even spoken to the aquaintance for months!

Also Woodsprite, the way a lot of men see it, if a woman is really successful and is also sexually attractive, then she is going to cheat on him because she doesn't "need" him. As a successful and pretty woman, you can still be attractive to men and get sex, but you are going to have difficulty getting commitment from them

Yes, the arbitrary face-slapping thing is probably a turn-off. Having to fix the son's values might be, too.

I don't do that....this is the first time I've ever discussed this topic with anyone.
I don't go around bragging about anything, I just do what I love.
The only reason there seems to be a chip on my shoulder...is because I'm sick of having to deal with this crap.

I'm far from arrogant....I know there are people that are just as skilled, or even more skilled than I am....but I do know I'm very good at what I do.
I see no reason to be ashamed of it, or have to try and hide it from the person that says they love me.
I can't properly discuss this topic, without describing my life, work, and how it's affected those relationships.

I never said a word about 'powerful'...check the thread title again...it says "strong, independant women"

A bit ago, I just defined in another response on here what I'm talking about when I say 'Strong'....maybe you should check that out, so you can see what I'm talking about.

I have been around men like that...that look down on others, and consider them dirt, because they aren't as 'good as they are"...arrogant men.
I've found that it's all based on their "material wealth"...why they consider themselves better.
I intensly dislike those kind of people, men or women.
And, that really isn't me.
You may get that impression from this discussion, but it's only because I can only speak of my experiences, my life....and I've laid it all out here for it to be discussed, because I see it not only happening to me...I see it happening to other people too.

This thread isn't about how awesome I am....it's about how men have problems with their EGOs, when they are involved with a strong , independant woman, that dosn't 'need them in their lives' they just simply want them around because they enjoy their company, like who they are....love them.

Probably true....but that really sux!
Because if I'm in love, my eye dosen't wander.
I'm not really looking for a 'serious, life long commitment'...I'd just like to find someone to walk with me for a while...enjoy each other's company.

Why is it when men do it it's because of their 'ego'
But when a woman does it it makes them 'strong and independent'?

Bringing in another thread, are ya?
This has nothing to do with me slapping some crazy bitch that had me pinned up against a wall, or another woman that looked my son dead in the face and called him "that little bastard" of yours.
They were both wrong, and I don't have any regrets about doing those things at all.
Both of those women were out of line, and consumed by rage.

I'd place money that I spent more time and effort to instill good values in my son that you ever have.
It's real easy to sit back and be an armchair critic....I'd like to see just how you would have handled either of those situations...you'd probably be a wuss and let someone emotionally scar your child, or let some crazy bitch keep ya pinned until her rage got so high she bashed your head into a wall.

The only time I've ever hit a man...was my first husband.
He'd come in drunk and start with slap across the face...then if I'd try to leave, he'd pick me up and throw me across a room, into the wall....or down the gravel driveway.
And ya know what...after the divorce...he came to me 7 yers later, and apologized for treating me so badly...told me he knew he was responsible for the divorce, because he should have never put his hands on me.

If being 'strong' means I won't let people beat on me, or intimidate me, or emotionally scar my child.....so be it.

Do what?

I guess I see a difference between paying attention to a lover, and having havng to build up someone's fragile ego. Everyone should be responsible for their own self worth; their own self confidence. Men should not NEED their egos stroked. They should be doing that for themselves. Women can just give them a lover's attention which is extra. LIke gravy on top. Likewise, women should not look to men for validation, but appreciate the time spent with them.

I guess I see a difference between paying attention to a lover, and having havng to build up someone's fragile ego. Everyone should be responsible for their own self worth; their own self confidence. Men should not NEED their egos stroked. They should be doing that for themselves. Women can just give them a lover's attention which is extra. LIke gravy on top. Likewise, women should not look to men for validation, but appreciate the time spent with them.

Strong independent women is just euphemism for bitch.

I may be, just because it has recently happened again.
I do all those things...I show them I love them, I tell them I love them, I'll bend to make them happy if it's possible for me to do so...Not only do I tell them I apppreciate them...I do things to show them I appreciate them too.
I've always believed actions speak louder than words.
It just seems like there is never anything that is enough.
I've always treated them with respect, because I couldn't be with someone I can't respect...and I treat people the way I want to be treated.
It just seems like this is an impossible balance to try and find, and maintain....because they always get insecure, intimidated, no matter what I do.

Shit! All I know is this... if the OP or any woman who is HOT enough and is more successful than me and wants to be with me.. I have no problem with it. If anyone asks why the super-hot and awesome woman is with me then I will just tell them that she is with me for the sex.

Win, win.