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What's your earliest traumatic memory?
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[quote:Anonymous Coward 83665434:MV81MTYxNjA1Xzk0ODA1MTAxXzEzRjJEMTMz] [quote:GSB/LTD:MV81MTYxNjA1Xzk0ODAzODk0Xzk4RTBGQUE2] [quote:T-Man:MV81MTYxNjA1Xzk0ODAzNTYyX0ZFQzNEMDBG] [quote:GSB/LTD:MV81MTYxNjA1Xzk0ODAzNDkzX0Y5RTk2NjE=] [quote:T-Man:MV81MTYxNjA1Xzk0ODAzMzAzX0RCMTMzQkFE] [quote:GSB/LTD:MV81MTYxNjA1Xzk0ODAzMjgzXzEyMDhEQjky] That's a tough one since there were so many in my dysfunctional childhood back in the 1950's. Here are 4 distinct memories that all happened when I was 4-6: 1. Being chased by a Bullsnake before my Dad killed it with a hoe. That same spring I saw my first tornado from about a mile away as we all dashed to a neighbor's house for shelter... and everybody just yelled to[i] "keep up!"[/i] instead of helping me. I've never been so terrified since. 2. Watching my parents/brothers brutally slaughtering Chickens and laughing/joking as they sprayed the blood everywhere. My Brother was especially sadistic that day as he put the bird's necks under a pipe, stood on it and jerked their body up, entrails dangling as the head was ripped from the body... and my Mom cackled at his creativity. Innocence lost. 3. Crying when I didn't want to go to church one Sunday and having my Mother yell, [i]"shut up or I'll really give you something to bawl about!"[/i] -and then slamming a car door on my hand to prove her point... a few minutes later she was singing hymns and acting like nothing had ever happened as I whimpered in the pew next to her. That was the day I learned to hate not only church but also religion. And I have a crooked little finger to this day as a constant reminder of when I first understood how close cruelty and hypocrisy really are. [b] 4. Having my brother [i][who was ten years older][/i] walk up to me one day holding a single-edged razor blade and saying, [i]"I think I'll cut you"[/i] before he sliced open a gash on my leg. I still have a 3" scar to prove it. Oddly,I don't remember the pain, only the anger I felt as he walked away laughing, leaving me bleeding on the floor. [/b] And you'd better believe I have several more memories just like those. Meanwhile, while all this was happening I'd watch TV shows like LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, see very different families and wondering what I had done so wrong to end up in my own. And it wasn't until I was in my 50's -and after a couple of years of therapy- that I was finally able to shed that notion. [/quote] god damn some people have psychopaths are siblings... so sorry also slashes dont hurt so maybe thats why you dont remember pain. [/quote] The years have taught me that physical pain usually hurts far less than the emotional kind because nerve endings will eventually heal leaving only visible scars. It's those hidden ones that do the long-term damage. Perhaps I should offer a coda to all that early ugliness: after that kind of childhood, I didn't speak to my brother for the next 40 years and even today we are barely cordial [he's 82, I turn 72 on September 11]... I finally stopped extending an olive branch two decades ago. My Mom remained mean and vindictive until she died at 93, which is why today I say that not all Mothers are named Theresa. But life -and sometimes sanity- still goes on. [/quote] Wow man, a psychopath brother is one thing (horrible) but for your mother to be like that... I have so many questions and assumptions.. but lets just keep at how it is. I hope her death gave you some more freedom and peace and your brother being a methhead hopefully shows you as well that it was never your fault or anything you could have done to change it. [/quote] The decades have brought me not only solace and understanding, but also hopefully a little bit more compassion for others. By my 30's I realized the source of my Mother's own dysfunction was an abusive childhood during an impoverished 1930's at the hands of my alcoholic Grandfather -and I'm pretty sure that was the reason for all the prescription bottles overflowing the Rubbermaid turntable in her kitchen cabinet during the 1960's when uppers/downers were far more accepted than today. And then there were the beatings she'd sometimes get from my normally placid Father. A man who taught me the meaning of the word, "patience" even as he distanced himself from the rest of us. And I do regret never really knowing him more fully. Today, understanding all that makes it easier to forgive but even so I'll never forget it. As for my brother: he's a staunch non-drinker who's intolerant of all drugs; and he's a proud Deacon in his church. I sometimes wonder if he remembers the same things I do... but I somehow seriously doubt it and I figure karma is taking care of him. While I'm remarkably healthy of mind, body and spirit [I've never even had a personal Doctor!], he and my other siblings are riddled with multiple health issues. So in the long run, I'm the one that has been truly blessed! [/quote] I am so happy things turned out well for you. My childhood fucked me up for decades, along with other stuff that kept happening till at least 2014, but i'll not speak of that here. I'm a mom and grandmother by now and have a reasonably good life. Just a pity the cost of living in my country is astronomical for locals in our mickey mouse currency. That adds lotsa stress to one's life. But in general i'm ok by now, too. [/quote]
Original Message
I was 3. Had an ear tag. I remember being held down on the hospital bed, lime green walls, and the med team shoving a black mask over my face to put me out.
They say mental illness is spawned from trauma.
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