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Subject Anyone else feeling relief? I think that's the best emotion I can use to describe it.
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Original Message I am normally a ball of panic. Panic that leads to depression, and eventually I shut down. I shut out everyone, and close off like I am wounded. I dont know how else to explain it. I feel whats around me, and I take it in as my own pain.

But lately, I feel better. I dont know how to express how much of a load off my shoulders has been released. I will admit, reading most of whats posted on this site, depresses me. So I made a point of only reading the good posts, and trying to spread a little bit of joy in this rather large but small world.

You see, recently I have been having some one-on-one time with my soul. I think this is a good way to describe it. I grew up in a pretty non religious house. So when I was a teenager, I reached out to churches. I taught vacation bible school for a local Thanksgiving Lutheran Church. It was the only church in the area that made me feel the joy in the room. But eventually I stopped going and fell into the pattern of forgetfulness. I think a lot of it has to do with how I view God.

I see him as a different person, or light, than whats taught in the Bible. I dont personally think I would ever be punished for my views on the goodness in this world. I just see it through different eyes.

I see a lot more negativity in this world than I ever think there should be. I see the hatred, and the pain that souls are put through, and it torments me. It wasnt until recently that I had to cleanse myself of all of it. I realize now that bad things happen to good people because their souls are so light that it attracts the darkness. These are our trials. We are supposed to love and spread joy, but somehow over time, we have become so desensitized that we only see the bad. We have stopped processing our emotions, and now rely on pills to suppress them so we forget. But the emotions are still there. They make us sick, disease us, and a lot of people dont even know its happening to them.

Has anyone else felt a load be released? I feel like something amazing is on the horizon. I dont know if its good or bad. I dont know if we will go through hell, before an amazing transformation happens, but I am open to it all. I am for the first time, in a very long time, happy. Its not forced happiness, its genuine. I love myself. I love my body, I love my soul. I feel cleansed of the hate. I hope I am not alone.

I find I cant watch the news, I cant see bad images. I cant erase what I have seen of the brutality of this world, but I can reach out with my soul for a little goodness, and receive it. I find that my soul is sensitized again. I cant even stand shows that I once loved like criminal minds or law and order. Because I cant for the life of me, justify watching garbage that is all about the evil in life. I couldn't ever even watch The Walking Dead or Dexter because they sickened me.

I think a lot of the panic that is going around lately is because something big is coming. And our souls know it. We must make our peace. We must learn to love again and raise our harmonic vibrations with this Planet. We must become one. I know.... damn hippies.

This is just my opinion. You may disagree with it, or poke holes in it, or find the negative in everything. Or you can open up your mind a little bit and just allow yourself to feel good about yourself. You can smile more, open up a door for a stranger. Make genuine contact with the people around you and spread a little bit of cheer in this dank world that has lost itself.

We focus on race, we focus on religion, we focus on hating everyone around us. I wonder why. Could it be that it is forced down our throats on a daily basis. Could it be our petty government fights that are so blatantly thrown at us constantly all day on the news. It lowers us, it makes us no better than whats around us. We lose our light.

I have forgotten over the years to love myself. To genuinely look at myself in the mirror and smile at me. To feel my smile reach my eyes. I dont know, I just hope I am not the only one who feels this way. I hope others feel the joy.

I just thought I would post something positive, because I see a lot of negative. Hopefully others will share their joys and we can keep this going for a long time.
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